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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he into me or shall I leave it

114 replies

Ineedwine1 · 12/03/2020 16:35

Been talking to this guy for a few weeks. He's the organiser of my hobby. There's been flirting and we get on. I catch him looking at me and we smile at each other alot. We begun messaging each other last week and it's flirty. However I don't know if he's doing it because he's bored and has nothing to do or likes me. Last night I asked if he was up to much at the weekend he said no not really and I said I weren't either. He replied so you're free... That's interesting. I replied yea I am whys that interesting. Hoping he would ask me out. He's read the message and just not replied!! I'm suppose to be seeing him tomorrow at this hobby so I don't really get it. Is he interested or should I ignore him now

OP posts:
Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 13/03/2020 07:36

I did think about not going tonight but then I don't want him to think he's got to me. I feel a bit upset but I actually feel more angry. He must have some issues to use people to make himself feel better. He could have kept it friendly but he decided to make it very flirty. I feel like a mug. Least I know now

OP posts:
TheresGonnaBeARain · 13/03/2020 07:37

@Ineedwine1

I would just be perfectly normal - friendly and courteous as you would normally be.

I personally wouldn’t give off ‘cool’ vibes as I think it’ll encourage him - it makes it look like you care.

It’s all just ridiculous nonsense, I would just remind myself that he’s a grown man using schoolboy tactics and have a laugh to yourself about how mysterious and elusive he seems to think he his. Picture him as a coy milkmaid hiding behind his skirts or the riddler with question marks floating over his head.

Laugh to yourself and be perfectly friendly and normal. Then show no further interest in his texts. He’s a daft time waster. Grin

You’ll meet someone much more interesting OP.

Summersunandoranges · 13/03/2020 08:02

The thing is these men rely on women brushing it off and behaving in a way that doesn’t upset the apple cart. He doesn’t behave very well, yet your conditioned to act like it’s perfectly fine, it doesn’t faze you, perfectly happy to smile and play the good girl.

So for me - on this - I’d not go tonight to give myself a bit of distance and a bit of time to claw my ego back.

You really have had a lucky escape here but beware of being pulled back in with flattery texts. My BIL is exactly like this.

Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 13/03/2020 08:15

summer you are right. I don't want him to think his behaviour is fine. And that by me being normal he can carry on being that way to me. So I may not go tonight. Would be good to have a rest tonight actually after my hectic week

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Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 13/03/2020 10:03

This man! I just put up I'm looking forward to a drink tonight as I've been stuck in for 3 days with a chicken pox child and thanks for everyone's advice. He messages straight away where am I off to? Wtf.

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Summersunandoranges · 13/03/2020 10:17

Don’t message back. He had his chance.

Tattoocrazymum · 13/03/2020 10:29

Read his message and ignore it, he may get the hint. What a twat

Claire926 · 13/03/2020 10:35

Don't reply and block him. He is being disrespectful and playing games. He can't remember who he has been messaging and arranging dates with.

toastbutter · 13/03/2020 10:49

Just read the hole thread. Yep read it and don't reply. If he really likes you he will Pursue you now. You have made it clear you like him and asked him out so balls in his court

Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 13/03/2020 11:07

Thanks everyone. Can't believe how he went from a seemingly nice guy to an absolute a*hole. And also why is it any of his business where I'm going, I'm angry

OP posts:
Dozer · 13/03/2020 11:32

Just ignore.

Isthistrueor · 13/03/2020 11:37

Meh, he’s a tedious game player. Just ignore him in future, don’t text him again.

Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 13/03/2020 15:31

Yep I have a feeling he loves all the attention. Our hobby is quite female dominated so no doubt he is speaking to others too.

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Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 13/03/2020 18:05

Just got back from my hobby. He was there, I just kept the talk short but it was rubbish. Wish I had spoken to him privately asked why he ignored me but I know I would have looked desperate. Just rubbish because honestly every man that I seem to like doesn't like me in return. They only want one thing and I don't know if it's because I'm a single mum and they see it as I have baggage. Just feel really rubbish and that ill never meet anyone. Been single 3 and a half years now and over that time I've had nothing but heart break and messed around. Only difference is this time I stopped it before he messed me around.

OP posts:
Dozer · 13/03/2020 18:14

It’s not you, it’s them!

Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 13/03/2020 18:22

Thanks dozer I just don't know what's going wrong and why I can't find a nice guy who wants to get to know me

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Summersunandoranges · 13/03/2020 19:09

ah Ineedwine dont beat yourself up about it. I had the same issues before I met DH. I subconsciously picked men that was like this. Years ago I went on line dating and they were like this and they are still like this now with my single mates.

I never felt that nip of insecurity or double guessing with dh from day one and that’s what you use as your yard stick

It’s worth looking in to why you choose men like this. I think my reason was because I had a really shit dad. It’s really interesting and their are a few books on it.

There is loads of nice guys and it will happen.

Fuck him. He’s a loser Wine

Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 13/03/2020 23:06

Thanks summer I've done so much work on myself and this is good for me to notice this behaviour and cut it off now. Usually I'd let it play out alot longer. Just sad, I was reminded what it felt like to like someone again. Just miss it

OP posts:
AskEvans · 13/03/2020 23:33

Yep he loves the attention and tries to reel you back in when you give him less.
You will find a nice guy that wants to get to know you. Just make sure you don't plump for a chump like him.

Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 14/03/2020 11:36

I'm so ashamed to say I cracked 😩 and messaged him

OP posts:
izzywizzygood · 14/03/2020 11:52
Shock
Tattoocrazymum · 14/03/2020 12:23

Shock Blush what did you say? I wouldnt have gave him the satisfaction, hes messing you around

PassDo · 14/03/2020 14:41

It might help if you clarify what it is you are looking for, OP.

Are you looking for romance? Romantic validation? Validation for yourself as a person or woman? Company? Sex? Respectability? Convention (you can say I’ve got a partner to people). Better financial future? A ‘dad’ for your kids?

Single parents can be vulnerable for all the above reasons, accepting less as a consequence, not all single parents of course.

Please try not to lose your self respect over this. Put yourself first. I know it can be very difficult (being there), but try and create as much as possible the life you want and the enjoyment you need. A man should always be an added bonus. Not something that drags you down and makes you miserable and unhappy or disrespected.

PassDo · 14/03/2020 14:42

been there

Original poster
Ineedwine1 · 14/03/2020 15:56

I've unsent the message. It's been 6 hours since I sent it and I'm such he would have seen the notification of his phone by now. I need to stay strong.
For the PP I guess I'm looking for romantic company. I don't need a dad for my son he already has a good one, I don't need to be looked after in anyway. Just company would be nice.

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