Husband been to GUM clinic

[mummy1428]

I was looking for something in my husbands drawers this morning and came across some genital wart treatment that had been prescribed to him from our local GUM clinic. I questioned him about it and he said he didn't tell me he went because he was "too embarrassed". We had genital warts when we first got together about 15 years ago and as far as I know he hasn't had them again since. He is claiming this is a reoccurrence and he has not cheated. I have no idea if I should believe him or not. I haven't ever suspected him of cheating but he does work late a lot so I'm not stupid enough to think it's not possible. Just looking for advice from strangers please... what would you do? We have two kids, age 2 & 4. I would be heartbroken to ruin their family but my gut tells me something isn't right here.

Genital warts can lie dormant for a long time and because you've had it once together I would assume he just had a flair up.

I agree with Runningwoman however he should have told you so you can be treated or at least aware. Are you having sex?

Easily could be a flare up, but odd that he wouldn’t just tell you.

Genital warts can randomly flair up even many years later. I had them when i was a teenager and was told this by GUM clinic. I wouldn't assume hes got them again through cheating.

When were you two last intimate? I wouldn’t jump straight to conclusions if you know he has had it before. It does lay dormant.

Odd that he didn’t tell you. Surely his first reaction when they flared up would have been to say “honey have you had any flare ups recently? Mine seems to have come back”

@Greenkit yes we have unprotected sex so it was also extremely inconsiderate of him not to tell me about it or try to protect me in any way.

It's strange that he didn't tell you as you had both been treated. It sounds a bit dodgy. Or he may have been worried that you might think he had cheated. But then again, if he had a flare up then you may have it again. Doesn't sound good imo

www.nhs.uk/conditions/genital-warts/

You now need to get yourself down to the GUM clinic even if you don’t have symptoms.

He is cheating because the GUM clinic would have told him to tell you and he has chosen not to.

I should add that he also told me it turned out not to be warts and went away on its own... so why would they have prescribed the treatment. It was unopened but he would have had it frozen off, the treatment is usually given as a back up in case the freezing doesn't work.

Just go to the GUM clinic yourself OP.

Unless you have another reason to believe he is cheating, I.e other signs he is then I wouldn’t worry because you know he already has GW. It’s not like this is the first time he has had it, they can flare up at any time.

I’d imagine he didn’t tell you because he thought you’d assume he’d been cheating. Inconsiderate of him though, yes.

He should have told you he thought he was having a flare up.

He should have told you he was going to the GUM clinic.

He should have told you he was tested.

He should have told you the results.

He should have told you he has had treatment.

He should have told you it’s resolved.

He should have told you many things at many times to protect YOUR health. He chose not to, so he has lied to you multiple times.

He is either having an affair or seeing sex workers. He now needs to come clean about the timescales (your DCs may have been at risk through your pregnancy) so that you can be screened and treated. Ask to see the GUM records.

So sorry.

GUM clinic gives you the treatment first not the freezing option these days, happened to my friend like a month ago!

Also, it could genuinely be a flare up. It is embarrassing for some reason despite it being so prevalent. Most people don't even know they've had it and present no symptoms.

I'd be inclined to take his word for it but be on the look out for a bit until you calm down. There's no way you're getting anything else out of him.

He's risked your health, denied you information you would have wanted pertaining to your health so his sex life isn't affected when he doesn't want it to be, and lied to you OP so whatever is going on, he is vile and I wouldn't be that interested in excusing it.

I have no idea what he is up to and nobody here does but you know he's dishonest and self interested so I would be requesting he return to the GUM clinic and produce a clean sheet, and would make an appointment myself regardless. Other peoples words, especially when they are proven liars is not enough to risk your health on.

Op has said "we" had warts when they first got together. So she already has it.
So he has not risked her health as his flare up will not cause her to flare up or infect her - she already has it.
The poor chap was not doubt really embarrassed, did not want to be accused of stuff he has not done. He did not lie to her - he simply was trying to deal with an embarrassing situation.

If the OP and her husband both had it together when they first got together, then why would he be cagey about it flaring up again many years later?

I agree with the poster who listed all the times he lied by omission. I'd be wondering about it, especially since at the clinic they would have told him that genital warts can flare up years later.

The time to be embarrassed was when they both had genital warts when they didn't know each other very well.

@Chapsview yes I have had it but only in one particular place. He can still pass it to me again. For example, I had it externally so he could have infected me internally and I would have no idea.

HPV, the virus that causes warts is cleared by the immune system in almost ALL cases. This can take up to two years but often happens much faster than that.

I’d be extremely suspicious of him right now!!

@DingleberryRose are you sure?

It’s his hiding it that’s ringing alarm bells OP. A guilty conscious hides.

95% clear the virus by around 2 years so he could simply have not cleared it. In that situation OP would be immune.

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions if this is the only 'evidence'.

95% clear the virus by around 2 years so he could simply have not cleared it

Then why not mention it? I don’t buy the ‘embarrassment’ card. The secrecy is very telling.

At the clinic he would have been told not to have intercourse without a condom whilst waiting for results.

He would have been told to tell his partner.

Looks like he did neither.

Does the NHS give out medication to everyone before test results and tell them only to use it if results come back positive or just throw it away.

I would ask him to show you all communications from the clinic so that you have the timescales and facts verified.

If he doesn’t have this to hand I would ask him to get a copy from the GUM clinic to give to you - or you could walk in with him and they could look it up there and then. They could also talk you through the risks to you.

How he responds to this request will tell you a lot. Most GUM clinics are walk in - suggest that you go together this evening....

For those who clear the infection, there is a chance of becoming reinfected by the same strain or a different one. You could even be infected with multiple strains at the same time, though this is less common

I had warts about 12 years ago. They went away with treatment and Iv never had them since.. if he’s been to the gym clinic and not even mentioned it though I’d find it suspicious. My partner (same man I passed it to unknowingly, 12 years ago) would 100% say something if he thought he had a new one come up.