Husband been to GUM clinic

[mummy1428]

I was looking for something in my husbands drawers this morning and came across some genital wart treatment that had been prescribed to him from our local GUM clinic. I questioned him about it and he said he didn't tell me he went because he was "too embarrassed". We had genital warts when we first got together about 15 years ago and as far as I know he hasn't had them again since. He is claiming this is a reoccurrence and he has not cheated. I have no idea if I should believe him or not. I haven't ever suspected him of cheating but he does work late a lot so I'm not stupid enough to think it's not possible. Just looking for advice from strangers please... what would you do? We have two kids, age 2 & 4. I would be heartbroken to ruin their family but my gut tells me something isn't right here.

I was also told by a guy clinic as I don’t actively have them and I haven’t had them for so long that I couldn’t pass it to any new people.

^ we split up for a while and in that time I slept with someone else using nothing for a year and he never had anything come up in that time.

That was a couple years ago

Was he embarrased to talk about it when he first had them?? Or ws it a case of you hd some visible ones so he had no choice but to talk about it?

There’s something not right here. This happened to a friend of mine. It’s the only way she discovered her husband had shagged somebody else. A work mate. They’re now divorced because of it. Even if he hasn’t cheated, his whole secrecy/behaviour is unacceptable. None of this is ok. It’s actually pretty vile behaviour.

Given that most people's bodies deal with the underlying virus within 2 years and the general rule is the longer you go without symptoms the less likely it is to recur, it is unlikely that he has had a flare up of an existing infection, but not impossible.

If you have both had it before, it seems silly to be embarrassed about it. Perhaps he was embarrased that yours cleared up and his didn't, but again, silly to be embarrassed about that and I'd imagine you've both seen/said/done more embarrasing things in 15 years and 2 kids.

The thing is that you said something is not sitting right so only you can really know if you think something is going on and what he might be able to do/say to reassure you. And yes, you will need to get checked yourself.

@NomDeDieu he wasn't embarrassed at the time. He is quite a confident person. He gave my chlamydia and warts so we both had to go to the clinic back then.

He cares more about his embarrassment than your health? Nah mate. Time to sling your hook. My gut says he’s done something

The majority of HPV infections (90%) are cleared by the immune system within 2 years, 66% of people have cleared the infection by 6 months!

There is a very small chance he ‘could’ have a reoccurrence of the original infection but as you can see the evidence shows this is very unlikely. That alongside his failure to be transparent with you would make me very suspicious.

He gave you BOTH of those things!! and you stayed with him?? Did he know he had the warts back then and kept it hidden then too and passed it to you? Wow. This guy is a catch!

Just want to say thanks for all the comments so far.. it's really helping me think it all through and weigh everything up. I'm at work and obviously don't want to discuss with anyone here

and if he wasn’t embarrassed back then, why now? Come on OP you know this isn’t right.

@probablysue I'm not sure if he knew then, I don't think so. I was 18 and it was my first time having unprotected sex so I knew I was ok. He told me he had been tested at a recent medical and got the all clear which was a lie. Yes I should have known back then he was trouble!

He’s lied before and he’s lied again now. He’s putting your health at risk. No more unprotected sex but in your shoes I’d be kicking him out

Op, I would get very suspicious from this.
I know the virus can lay low for a long time but 15 years? And I think being embarrassed sounds like a bullshit excuse esspecially since you both have had them in the past. I’m sorry to say but I’d do some more investigation as I think he might have been cheating. Surely I wouldn’t have any unprotected sex with him anymore and do an STD test myself!

@probablysue I would be telling myself the same if someone came and told me this had happened to them. Going to the gum clinic behind your wives back is just so shady. I'm so worried about ruining family life for my kids though. Not sure I can do that to them without knowing for sure. And I hate the thought of having to share my kids and not see them every day.

So he has form for lying about this, and also apparently for unsafe sex. Not good. I was kind of giving him the benefit of the doubt after your first post, but I think that changes things and you need to assume he's cheated unless and until you can eliminate that as a hypothesis. Clearly he has told lies at some point, either about why he was at the GUM clinic in the first place, or to you when he didn't tell you of the need to use condoms during treatment.

If he is telling the truth he won’t mind going back to the clinic together so you can receive the information you need to understand whether you are at risk.
Force this issue and you’ll find out the truth.

I have had genital warts first when I was 19. I am now 31. It has relapsed a few times over the years. In fact I was retreated last year. It is caused by a low strain of the HPV virus. He cannot reinfect you internally. Once you have been infected with a type of HPV and your immune system has produced antibodies to fight the infection, you will become immune to that type. The HPV infection usually lies dormant in your body.
To avoid misinformation please go and speak to a consultant at a GUM clinic.

Oh and when I went to get it frozen off at the GUM clinic I was not advised to tell my partner. There wasn’t even a discussion about that. At the point I had been with my partner 8 years. I’m not sure I even told him I went to get it frozen off as I did indeed feel embarrassed.

@Gutterton there are no tests for low strains of HPV. There is no waiting for test results.

Just elaborating on my above post. It was 2 years ago I was retreated not one year and I cannot remember if there was any discussion but I don’t think there was. I have had lots of medical appointments over the years for HPV (high risk - smears, colposcopies), which he attended with me. But I do find discussions about the warts embarrassing so probably didn’t tell him. Just went and got it blasted off and that was that. I received no advice to have told him, and I think that was because he already had it so couldn’t be re-infected. Had I received advice to have told him I definitely would have.

I work in sexual health. It’s very normal to have warts reoccur after a very long time. It’s a bit of a myth that they clear themselves and don’t come back. You can have them re-appear after 10 years. You probably still have them too as in a long term relationship you often just pass them back and forth (you could have re-infected him). It makes no difference where you get them, only the strain matters. There are high risk ones and low risk ones. You’ll be at no more risk of cervical cancer than you ever were. But it is a hard thing to talk about and I don’t really think I’d talk to my dh about it. I’d just get them sorted, which to be fair sounds like he has done. So I would try not to worry.

@mummy1428,

This is such a sensitive topic. And you've gotten a lot of conflicting information today. Before you're swayed into making a decision, please go to a GUM clinic, on your own. You may need an exam; he may be telling the truth; he may not. Either way you need to discuss this in private with someone with the most current information.Tell them the situation. Hopefully, it will be good news.

If it is, you can use that to start a conversation about trust. By not disclosing, it left you imagining the worst. Let him know you want him to trust you enough to tell you.

If it's not good news, you will be armed with information whether you choose to confront him or keep an eye on things.

Whichever way it goes, you're sure to be watching a little more closely now. But get to a GUM clinic as soon as you can. Knowledge is power, and it will give you confidence in whatever decision you make.

I don't understand why he didn't mention this.
You've been together ages, you sleep together and yet he's embarrassed?
Very odd.

he wasn't embarrassed at the time. He is quite a confident person. He gave my chlamydia and warts so we both had to go to the clinic back then.

So there is no way he was embarrased this time and didnt dare telling you.
Something else is going on, apart form the fact he put YOU at risk and had no issue doing so.

btw it doesnt matter if it is possible that its just a reoccurance. If he had no doubt he could have got the warts somewhere else, he would have talked to the OP, just like he did the first time around.

The issue is the fact he hid that information.