Husband been to GUM clinic

[mummy1428]

I was looking for something in my husbands drawers this morning and came across some genital wart treatment that had been prescribed to him from our local GUM clinic. I questioned him about it and he said he didn't tell me he went because he was "too embarrassed". We had genital warts when we first got together about 15 years ago and as far as I know he hasn't had them again since. He is claiming this is a reoccurrence and he has not cheated. I have no idea if I should believe him or not. I haven't ever suspected him of cheating but he does work late a lot so I'm not stupid enough to think it's not possible. Just looking for advice from strangers please... what would you do? We have two kids, age 2 & 4. I would be heartbroken to ruin their family but my gut tells me something isn't right here.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, could it have been that he didn't tell you because he thought you'd accuse him of cheating?

I highly doubt that's the case but didn't want to rule it out.

I reckon he didn't want to tell you as he was worried you'd immediately think he was cheating. As some people have posted

Some can come back. As the person who posted who works on sexual health said.

But he didnt worry about that the first time?? Why is that?

Maybe he told you the first time because of the chlamydia? As that requires antibiotics to treat. There is no treatment for HPV and it’s only if warts appear you require treatment for them.

There is also no test for low-risk HPV (warts) but there is a test for chlamydia

So if there is no test - the only way it is diagnosed is by visual medical exam? The GUM clinic diagnosed genital warts and prescribed treatment. He would have been told not to have unprotected intercourse until cleared - he didn’t do that. Is that because his “embarrassment” overrides his concern for your health?

Not clear how he was diagnosed and then told the diagnosis was wrong?

@Gutterton Genital warts are diagnosed by visual medical exam. There is no test and no waiting for results. You are told there and then and given treatment (in my case the warts were frozen off last time I went (2 years ago), but in 2008 I was prescribed Warticon. In 2008 I was advised not to have sex until after completing treatment because warticon can cause irritation and reduce the effectiveness of condoms. I wasn’t given any information along these lines when it was frozen off 2 years ago. And perhaps that is because there was no concern about my flare up affecting my partner’s health as he had already been exposed and caught the virus years before.

Also I’m not sure what negative effect on health you are referring to with genital warts? They don’t do anything to your health other than cause cosmetic unsightliness.

@Katy78 - The NHS say not to have intercourse (see below) - assuming this direction is for health reasons rather than cosmetic?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/genital-warts/

@gutterton That will be so as not to pass the virus on (not applicable in the OPs case as she already has it), and also because the treatment can cause soreness/irritation which can be exacerbated by sex

But this strain of the virus doesn’t actually do anything to you other than cause ugly warts. It doesn’t make you ill or cause negative health effects (say for example chlamydia left untreated can affect your fertility, and herpes can make you have flu like symptoms and cause you a lot of genital pain - there are no such consequences of genital warts, that strain of HPV just causes the ugly warts).

But not telling you because you would accuse him of cheating????
Why???
Again, odd.
If you have trust that wouldn't enter his head. And also that's a cop out that he doesn't want any confrontation.
Where is your communication as a couple?

The NHS direction is to seek further advice if pregnant or planning to get pregnant. The OP has a v young child, no idea if her family is complete - that’s why I said upfront that he needed to confirm timelines as to whether he exposed her pregnancy and/or baby to risk.

@gutterton that’s because if you have severe active warts during labour they may opt to do a caesarean so as not to pass the virus on to the baby. Nothing to do with her partner having warts. Not sure whether she would have disclosed her history of warts prior to her previous birth. It would only be if she had severe active warts.

That’s not the NHS advice though. The advice is to speak to your Dr or midwife if you are pregnant or think you are pregnant, if you have warts or think to have warts.

OPs DH did not give her information to make her own choice.

@gutterton yes so that they can assess you to see if you need a caesarean. OPs partner having warts would not lead to her having a cesarean. It would only be if she had warts they would consider going down that road. The only information she needs to know in regards to pregnancy is whether she has a flare up of a long-standing infection.

Also the OP isn’t pregnant? If she plans to become pregnant her partner having warts doesn’t change the information she gives to the midwife should she become pregnant in the future because she is already infected with the virus.

Follow your gut instinct- seem very unusual

1. Perhaps he didn’t tell because he thought the OP would think he was cheating
2. Perhaps he didn’t tell because he’s cheated
3. Perhaps he didn’t tell because he was embarrassed
4. Perhaps he didn’t tell because he didn’t think he needed to as the OP was already infected and it would have no impact on her health.
5. Perhaps he would have told if the OP was pregnant (the only time telling could impact her health as a flare up for her could affect labour choices - though him flaring up wouldn’t mean she would flare too).
6. Perhaps he didn’t tell her because he’s been here before, knows the drill, just get it zapped off and it’s done.
7. Perhaps he didn’t tell her because to him it wasn’t a big deal, given their mutual prior infection - like getting yourself treated for haemorrhoids, or thrush.

Too many what-ifs to leave a family for, in my opinion. If I was the OP I would go and see a GUM clinic consultant to get facts from a trained professional and be vigilant of any unusual behaviour.

He also might not have told her because he thinks the OP is cheating?

Incorrect but it might be why he wouldn't say anything?

Just wanted to update on this. I have since found a wart on myself and have also been experiencing some unusual discharge. I can't go to the clinic at the moment so I have ordered a home test for chlamydia. Still just feeling like something isn't right here. I feel like if he was cheating and that's how he got the warts then there's a good chance he has caught something else too. We will see!

Oh you poor thing, how awful for you. I really hope he wasn't cheating and you haven't caught anything!

@SadSausage44 at least it will put me out of my paranoid misery if I can know for sure.

OP there are far worse transmitted diseases that he could have passed on to you, don’t stick your head in the sand - contact your gp to see if you can get some tests done.

@LouHotel oh god I hope not. I really don't want to go to any medical establishments at the moment with Covid going about but I will do when this is all over. In the meantime the home test covers 3 things I think so that will help a lot