morning sex

[JackieBauer]

I've been dating someone for a few months now, we get on really well and sex is great. Thing is he's a morning person and I'm not, a few times he has tried to wake me up early for sex by touching my nipples and a hand between my legs. I love sex but I work night shifts and I have explained that I don't do morning sex. Afternoon, evening, lovely, but respect that I am just not a morning person.
The other morning he tried again, touching my nipples, I gently moved his hand away but he still tried, pushed his hand away again, When we got up later he was grumpy. I went home and texted him later to say again that I'm not a morning person, don't be fiddling about with me when I'm sleeping, It's not on.
His reply was "thing is see, what you've got to understand is i might be groping you when I'm half asleep and I don't know what I'm doing"
I was bloody tamping, told him to take responsibility for his actions, not make stupid excuses, if I punched him in the face would it be ok if I said I was half asleep??? I actually told him I felt violated and was now a bit wary of him.
Can I have some other views on this please, he has since apologised and is very remorseful, promising that it will never happen again. I've been on my own for a while and wondering if I am over reacting.

We are in our 50's if that matters

I'd end it and stay well away from him. If he'd accepted what you were saying the first time and stopped trying it on then fair enough. But not only has he ignored you saying no and carried on trying, he's also trying to make the excuse that he's half asleep and doesn't know what he's doing like that makes it ok?! Nah mate. Jog on.

He’s a fucking arsehole getting his rape excuses in early. Leave him. He’s no good.

I don't think you're over reacting at all. My STBXH did this, used the same excuse of being half asleep and not knowing what he was doing. I let it go as he made me feel unreasonable, over the years his pestering me for sex and refusing to respect my boundaries just got worse and worse. I wish I had ended things years ago so my advice would be to end things.

I think "rape excuses" is taking it a bit far! But yeah he does know what hes doing and if he doesnt stop, after you've made it crystal clear, then stop sleeping with him.

The 'I was half asleep' excuse would be it for me. He's a rapey arsehole.

... a few times he has tried to wake me up early for sex by touching my nipples and a hand between my legs

Has this approach ever successfully resulted in turning a woman on? Being touch liked this with no warm up would result in a throat punch from me.

On another note my DH has sexsomnia, it’s a real thing but I think A LOT of men use it to excuse their perverted behaviour.

My DH will start kissing and touching (I love spontaneous sex so if he was genuinely conscious I’d be all for it) but just as it gets going he would something obscure like ‘the bagels are wearing tuna scarves’ and pass out. No memory of it in the morning. His eyes are glazed over and he can’t respond to direct questions. It quickly became apparent in the early days that I shouldn’t be going along with it as he’s in no state to consent so now I just gently nudge him over and he goes back to dreamland. He’s terrified of situations where it’d happen with other people. For example falling asleep on the sofa near a mate.

Jesus this isn't about morning sex it's about abuse. I think OP you know this isn't on and it has nothing to do with sex in the morning

Dump him now OP and I don't say that lightly, I wouldn't feel safe around him at all.

This isn't about not liking morning sex, it's about him continuing to do something when you've said you don't like it.

And, when told hes continuing to do it, taking no accountability or say "argh shit sorry I must have been half asleep I'm embarrassed" etc, just taking a shoulder shrug and meh stop moaning approach.

It's his response to it that makes him sound like an even bigger arsehole.

Bin him off.

I would end the relationship.

He’s already not respecting your boundaries and he will carry on until it gets worse.

I’m on the side of you throat punching him and then claiming you were not responsible as you were half asleep.

End it. You're not overreacting.

I'd say if you do it again it's going to have to be separate beds because I NEED my sleep.

I love having the bed to myself since being single. My ex really pushed the boundaries too. Just because I was there he thought he could grope and put his hands down my pants at any point in the night/morning. I told him over and over again not to do it. I think I literally screamed and pushed him away roughly at one point because he was in my pants again and I was KNACKERED. It's really disrespectful and violating.

He's said he won't do it again. Give it 6 months and if he has learned his lesson and respects your wishes, then continue with the relationship if it's what you want.

Plenty of men like morning sex as do plenty of women. Maybe he thought you were one. He now knows different. Don't let this minor incident (I'm assuming this isn't frequent?) ruin what may be a good relationship.

It's not rape, or pre rape or anywhere near this. It's clumsy and immature, but not something I'd get worked up about.

Dump him, he's clearly ignoring your boundaries
Touching you when you don't consent is sexual assault

You said no and he carried on then stropped. He's supposedly an adult. It's rapey.

He's gross and entitled. It's not about having different libididos at different times of the day. It's simply not reasonable behaviour to go straight for the genitals to see if your partner is in the mood. As to his excuse, if he genuinely can't control his actions when allegedly asleep (aye, right!) then he is not safe to share a bed with.

YANBU. You're either a morning sex person or you're not and I ended a relationship years ago when he kept cajoling and waking me up for sex at 6am.

He's making it clear that he doesn't respect you or your boundaries. Classic male entitlement. Time to end it.

@friendineed why should she wait 6 months to see if he does it again?

He was already warned she wasn't a morning person, yet not only did he try and try again, he came out with shitty 'half asleep' excuse.

How many times does he have to be told? Once was enough.

It's really grin. He knows not to wake you like that but was chancing his arm and not respecting you at all. I'd be done. The pathetic excuse is cringe-worthy as well. Just horrible.

@friendineed

She's already explained it to him and she said he tried again so why would she repeat it?

Disgusting prick. He’s definitely not asleep when groping you. Get rid

Oh sure because whenever I am half asleep I go around shoving my hands down mens pants.
I wouldn't stand for that.

He tried it 'a few times' and has now got the message. Maybe a former partner was happy for him to initiate sex like this. Its irritating but not something major, and not something I would throw a relationship away for.

It's a short relationship so they are getting to know each other and what they do and don't like. He now knows she really, really doesn't like being touched in the morning.

People must live in a perfect world, with prefect men and women who never make mistakes and never need correcting.

If OP now feels he is not for her, then by all means finish it, but I though the early months in a relationship was about learning about each other?