DH told me I’m not allowed to Emotionally dump on him any more.

[absopugginglutely]

He spat this into my ear at 1am, “If our relationship is going to continue you have to stop “emotionally dumping on me about the people that bother you throughout your day for me to lick up like sewage”

I said I can’t be happy all the time, sometimes people at work or in my family affect me and my way of processing it is to vent and tell the story.
He called it emotional dumping and that he just tunes out because he can’t cope with it he wants me to talk to friends about things rather than him.

This all came on the back of an argument that we had been having about his ex partner and mother of his daughter coming into our house regularly almost daily and destroying the peace. I was talking to him about how I now have a physical response when she’s nearby (heart palpitations) and asking him to text her and see if she could just send DSD round without coming round herself.

He just put the news on and completely ignored me and then I got cross because he won’t communicate with me about things he just gives me the silent treatment.

Later on he asked if I wanted a hug and I said so want us to communicate more and that when he came out with all the hateful bile about how from now on I’m not to speak to him about anything bad that’s happened to me in any of my interactions that day because he thinks it harms our relationship.

I cried and slept in the spare room
and don’t m is where to go from here. I feel confused. Who is right/ wrong should we just split up?

It would break my heart for DD to live in a single parent family.

Later on he asked if I wanted a hug and I said so want us to communicate more and that when he came out with all the hateful bile about how from now on I’m not to speak to him about anything bad that’s happened to me in any of my interactions that day because he thinks it harms our relationship.

That’s no really the gist of your OP - there being a different between near constant emotional incontinence and saying absolutely nothing !

Seems like the advice here is to just have a stuff upper lip and never express anything other than joy and happiness. Quite hard when life’s hard.

And these are the dramatics that probably frustrate him.

Nobody's saying never to express anything other than joy and happiness. They're saying not to dump every emotion you feel about anything on him. They're very different.

@absopugginglutely It's understandable that you were upset that he said that, it isn't a very nice thing to say/hear.

With the him having therapy and you not thing, it does sound a bit like he really isn't considering your needs; or at least, it's clear he isn't meeting them.

Only you know the truth as to whether you dump on him too much or not (rather than us who've only read your thread I mean.) Either way, it was not a very nice way to put it and it makes him sound angry.

In a way there is no right or wrong in this situation, there are just the facts of what you need and that not happening. Can you think of some ways of you getting those needs met? Can he think of some suggestions?

Perhaps there are support groups for step parents or something.

But I get that that isn't your only problem.

I don't want to generalize from my experience to yours, but I had a lover like this, who after I was raped, told me he didn't want to hear about it, as it was too stressful for him.

Turns out, he was a user all along and was only bothered about what he could get out of the friendship.

Perhaps your husband is not as interested in your feelings and well-being a he should be, and is taking you a little for granted, only wanting the good stuff you can offer him- a little selfish when it comes to you.

You deserve to be happy and I hope you find some way of meeting your need for support.

Best wishes xxxxx

And these are the dramatics that probably frustrate him.

This ^^

It's a very PA style of communicating.

DH has regular therapy. I can’t afford it because I work part-time since having our DD

This is outrageous! How, on what basis, was it agreed between you that HE gets the entire allocation of funds for counselling?

You working only part-time is no justification for this inequality. You are entitled to equal access to the family's income.

You desperately need counselling to process everything that is happening in your life. He can stop for a while so YOU can start to sort yourself out. Then, if you feel the relationship has a chance of survival, go for joint marital therapy.

The OP has previously posted about family finances. Claiming she couldn’t cope financially in the summer holidays.

There was the inevitable pile on against her husband. Caused by the dog whistle first post. She then tells everyone she Is the one who decided not to have joint accounts. And, she was the one who doesn’t want to blend money. Her reason being she doesn’t want to contribute to his daughter. It turned out he had no problem giving her extra money. She just had to explain.

OP. I’m my DMs emotional sounding board, she offloads to me constantly and every last worry is dumped on me. However it’s not reciprocated and she has absolutely zero interest in my life or worries. She never even asks how I am and shuts me down whenever I try to let off steam. Meanwhile I have to sit there and listen to her slag off my Dad, her job, her house, basically everything. It’s relentless draining and has been very detrimental to my mental health.

I’ve had to distance myself to preserve my sanity as she was sapping me of my energy.