I can't believe it

[herewegoagain123456]

Knew time poster but just need some help!!

So I have just woken up at my boyfriends house, he turned over to check the time on his phone and was taking a while....so my senses started tingling!

He got up to clean his teeth so I thought I would check.....low and behold a message from an unknown number with a broken heart sent!

He originally tried to say he doesn't know anything about it and then admitted she's from bumble but only got her number Thursday and still claims nothing has happened and doesn't no why she would send a broken heart 😢

There's more to this right?

I can't stop crying....I'm gutted as this isn't the first time so he was on his last thread anyway

What did the police say?

Over 3 years you have been nowhere near dramatic enough. There is a time and place for pulling out all the stops. Today is one of those times.

The police have arrested him

I never wanted that to happen.

But he came back twice after I rang them and then they arrested him in my house as he turned up while they were here.

I feel so bad!

He started to cry and just kept saying sorry while they were putting handcuffs on him!

I feel awful

Can you find your anger?

He found his, threatened you, chased you and came back multiple times.

Funny how he only regretted such behaviour when being arrested.

You did the right thing. Find your anger.

Agree with Tork. Find your anger. He cheated then scared you when he turned up more than once causing you to flee. How dare he!? How dare he cheat and then abuse you?! He also got himself arrested, not you. This isn't your fault. He's behaving like this not out of love for you but because he isn't getting his own way. He's only sorry he's been caught out. Please don't buy into it because I once did and became the victim of an attempted murder. This is how far it can escalate. Stay safe and away from him. Don't feel sorry for him. That's what he wants.

This is a really warped version of love op. Dont settle for it

Don't fall for it. He wasn't sorry enough to stop coming back and bullying you in your own home. He wasn't sorry when he was messaging other women, and he wasn't sorry when he was (most likely) doinking his ex.

You have nothing to be sorry about.

Do not fall for this OP.

He is clearly unstable enough to harass you to the point that the police had to arrest him.

That means they thought his behaviour was threatening, dangerous and required their intervention.

How dare he put you in this situation when he is the one who did wrong in the first place. Find your anger and channel it into stone cold steely refusal to engage with him at all.

Deep breaths, ask a friend to stay over for the next few nights to help you feel safe and to be there if he's messaging and you feel bad for him (DONT!) Etc

One day this you'll see this is a huge huge bullet dodged.

You poor thing, stay strong

You keep saying 'in my house'. Does he have a key? If so get the locks changed immediately.
This man is dangerous. Keep away from him

Hopefully he gets the message. Stay strong.

I have just got back from the police station after giving my statement.

His car is still outside mine so I'm slightly worried about that!

But Thankyou you are all helping me find my anger!

I just can't believe it has come to this! My friend has just left and they are all repeating what you guys have said....he has done this....not me!

I now can get a non mole station (or whatever it's called) against him. So if he comes round or into contact with me again he will be arrested!

They were so quick to come round when I was on the phone to the police and my ex started knocking!

Are you on your own now? Do you feel safe?

Yea I'm on my own. Doors are locked so I feel fine.

And they have said he won't be out tonight.

Why am I worrying about him being in a cell all night?

Don't worry about him, think about you
What have you got on tomorrow?

Let the police know that his car is outside your house. Ask them to let you know what time he will be released so you can have someone with you or you can be at someone else's house.
Ask for their advice.

Today I haven't got much on. I'm on holiday from work!

I told the police his car was outside mine and they said they would escort him to it!

Woke up this morning and all I want to do is check if he is okay!! What's wrong with me?

Your inappropriate reaction is a sign you were in an abusive relationship.

He has spent three years training you up to put his feelings front and centre no matter what the cost to you. You are reacting in line with that training.

I think someone else started that training. You behaved oddly in response to his behaviour at the start of the relationship. Was your last relationship abusive too?

Do the Freedom Programme.

Yea maybe your right!

No my last relationship was 13 years with my ex husband! No abuse. He was the kindest sweetest man. Would do anything for me. The only reason we split was because I didn't love him anymore! As hard as he found it after 13 years he just accepted it. We get on really well now and he is always there!

So god knows why I have accepted this! And still feel like all I want to do is go and pick him up from the police station

Are you a people pleaser? Does it tear you up to know anyone is displeased with you? Do you often find yourself acting to try to stop others expressing any grumps in your direction? Everyone MUST be happy or at least pretend by swallowing it down like you do?

Was he worrying about how you were when he was setting up an account on Bumble to meet other women?

No.

You're almost there with this as he can't contact you without being arrested if you get the order out on him.

You'll be so much happier without him. There's a great thread on here titled dumped by text, read it, it's brilliant.

Good luck x

My husband is friends with this woman ( no proper, platonic friend , no worries on that score ). Her daughter was in a relationship with a guy who treated her badly , but wouldn’t accept that she wanted to leave,he did exactly what your DP is doing . Threats , intimidation , lots of begging , crying etc . She stayed with her mum for a week .To cut a long story short , the guy cracked one night , he broke into their house , stabbed her daughter The girl was nearly died , she was in surgery for several hours , she was really lucky . She was the same , kept feeling sorry for him , taking him back despite the emotional abuse and intimidation . Please do what you need to do to get this person out of your life . These things turn really bad really quick . Honestly I know you don’t see it now , you hope he will suddenly see the light and things will get better , but they really won’t . You need to put yourself first , now !!

Have a good hard look at yourself to get away from these bonkers feelings of guilt. Don't let yourself off the hook with ideas of I am too nice or such like. Your reactions to events are off normal. You need to understand what's behind those peculiar reactions. Counselling can be good for that. Also the Freedom Programme. If you can make yourself confront uncomfortable truths then the traditional method of going to a quiet place to have a good think about your behaviour does work (I love a long walk or run in the countryside myself).

@TorkTorkBam yes I am a terrible people pleaser. And yes to all those questions. I like to be everyone's friend and now I can see it's causing issues!

I know I'll be happier without him. And I'm feeling a lot better about it and his car has gone from outside my house! So onwards and upwards now! Luckily I'm away this weekend so won't need to worry!

@Dontletitbeyou god that's awful. Sorry to hear that happened. Had he ever done anything like that before? You just never imagine them going that far!

I will do the freedom programme as I have seen it recommended a lot.

Any tips on how to move on. I'm really struggling atm. I know this is for the best! But I'm missing him 😢