I can't believe it

[herewegoagain123456]

Knew time poster but just need some help!!

So I have just woken up at my boyfriends house, he turned over to check the time on his phone and was taking a while....so my senses started tingling!

He got up to clean his teeth so I thought I would check.....low and behold a message from an unknown number with a broken heart sent!

He originally tried to say he doesn't know anything about it and then admitted she's from bumble but only got her number Thursday and still claims nothing has happened and doesn't no why she would send a broken heart 😢

There's more to this right?

I can't stop crying....I'm gutted as this isn't the first time so he was on his last thread anyway

Please don't waste your time. I was in your shoes wasted 8 years. You don't realise time isn't yours to waste.
Enjoy your life and be happy with someone who treats you like a queen. Best thing I ever done was leave. X

Make it right. What stupidity. What is done is done. What he means is "I can make you shut up about it"

Dont let him talk you round. You’d be signing up for more misery and wasted years. Dont be with someone who thinks so little of you - you deserve better !

Stay strong! You deserve so much better than that twat!

How did he get at you to persuade you the other times?

Delete the text and block the new number immediately.

I just replied saying

Piss off
Your a compulsive liar
I dont want to hear from you again!
Now leave me alone

And then blocked the number before he had chance to reply!

I'm so determined this time! I'll just need you girls in a few days to remind me I'm doing the right thing as for some reason I start to miss him after a week.

He got to me the last times by basically following me or guessing where I will be at certain times and then coming up to me and asking me for dinner or whatever and I'm too weak to say no to his face and I don't know why!

I'm a people pleaser and it's biting me in the bum!

Keep going, you’re awesome. Just keep reminding yourself there are good and decent men out there and there is no need to settle for this loser.
Also, any man who is violent this early on will most certainly get worse. It could be you, or if you were to stay and have kids with him, it could be them instead. Make sure your friends know you’ve left him and that he can be violent, so they know to keep checking in with you.
Love yourself now!

In that case perhaps you should unblock him long enough to say you have ended the relationship, you do not want any contact from him, which includes no approaches in person if he sees you in public.

Don't wait for a reply just block immediately.

You will need this when he ignores your boundaries and you have to threaten and maybe use the police.

I can't hes now blocked me

Why am I finding it so hard that he has blocked me when really this is should be what I want 😩

Good question. Why is it hard? What is going through your mind?

I don't really know!

I just feel sad and gutted! And sick at the thought of him with someone else!

But it's a good thing he's blocked me too, means that I actually might be able to get over him properly now!

Just sad I guess as we would of been perfect for each other if he wasn't such a liar and a cheat

Ah ha! There it is.

Just sad I guess as we would of been perfect for each other if it weren't for the things that made it not perfect

You have been clinging to your fantasy version of him not the real him.

I bet you have spent many an hour trying to convince yourself of that the fantasy him is real. That must be a hard habit to break.

How about you try to form the actual reality of him in your mind?

Drop all this stuff about if he weren't him then he'd be great. Look at him through the opposite of rose tinted glasses. Get angry at yourself for ignoring the bunting loads of red flags.

You are so right!
I guess it's more practical stuff we were so good together with....like our schedules and hobbies but he's a dick!

I only really have been on here since January and never even knew about red flags since then!

He's a life lesson that's for sure

I bet there was something in the first 3 months. Something that looking back now showed exactly what he is like. You ignored it for some reason. What was it? Red flag #1

Oh yes I bumped into his "ex" in town one night...
He then came out and I was trying to talk to him and he was being really weird....
She then decided to come up to me and tell me did I know they were still seeing each other
He left with her after she slapped him and then the next day he met me to tell me she was just drunk and there not together but she can't seem to let go!

I was naive and very trusting as never experienced a liar before so we got back on track

OP you are a strong woman and have seen him off. He sounds like a total fucking user - so good bye and well done.

It’s not just about the cheating. He is violent. You don’t want to be living in a domestic violence situation and you certainly don’t want children in that situation.
He is not a good person. Step away and don’t return.

“He's a life lesson that's for sure“

Onwards and upwards to a future without this cheating liar in your life. There are plenty of great men out there who will treat you well. Not to say you need a man in your life: being single can be fabulous. You sound great, OP. You’ve got this.

You really can't go back to this twat, it's not red flags it's miles of red fucking bunting.
He will hit you, he will ruin your life, he wil ruin the lives of any DC you have and quite possibly the lives of any partners they have going forward. Pleas, please be strong!!

Thankyou guys for all your replies! It really does help!

Woke up this morning feeling very flat. Like I know it's the right decision and I know I'm better off without him.

Got a busy day today tho so hopefully will keep me busy!

This gets easier right?

Yes it gets easier.

That you ignored such an enormous red flag is a worry. Maybe time to work on yourself. There are some books people often recommend on here.

To be honest I don't think I ignored it...i was just too trusting and naive!

I had just got out of a 13 year relationship when I met this guy and that relationship was full of trust and honesty so tbh I didn't realise people could be like that!

I now know what red flags are and never to trust anyone basically!

I have been reading a book as someone recommended it on someone else's thread called..."why does he do that by Lundy buncroft" and it is an eye opener!

I'm just so confused as to why I miss him, because recently when I was with him he just annoyed the hell out of me as he was so self obsessed and everything was about him!

Do you miss wthe idea of being in a relationship?

Did you perhaps make lots of daily decisions where he was a factor? So there's a big hole?

You did ignore the red flag. To have dealt with it you'd have dumped him or at least done a little investigation then dumped him. One of those two people was lying so it isn't about being too trusting or not knowing people can lie. You, for some reason, chose to believe she was the liar and be was honest. Knowing why you made such a peculiar choice could be illuminating.