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Original poster

New pants

88 replies

Raven79 · 26/02/2020 21:26

Hello. I've been sort of seeing a guy I went to school with. We're both 40. I'd been single previously for 7 years. We have met up every few months over the years and get on well. He lives with his nan and has said he can't have a relationship as she'd hate it and throw him out. I have a daughter so am in no rush for a full blown relationship. Seeing each other infrequently is fine for me although we message frequently.

His mum died young and his grandad died so him and his gran have been company for each other. He's never met anyone that serious, so has had no reason to leave. He is a sweet guy.

We've decided we'd like to do more than meet up for drinks and it involves staying in a hotel. He's started telling me how excited he is and he's even bought new pants! A bit of me thinks to go for it but another bit of me is cringing.

I like him a lot and don't think he'd hurt me. I guess deep down I do want a proper relationship but I don't know if this is the right way to go about it.

OP posts:
boats · 26/02/2020 21:36

His nan would throw him out for having a relationship? And he's 40? I smell BS.

Original poster
Raven79 · 26/02/2020 21:54

Thanks. It's an odd situation. We've almost argued about it before. He says that she'd panic about being left alone and make his life a misery. She does everything for him at home x

OP posts:
DDIJ · 26/02/2020 22:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Knewyou · 26/02/2020 22:20

No wonder you’re put off with the influence of the nan and the new pants.

readitandwept · 26/02/2020 22:55

@DDIJ why wouldn't your parents approve?

JKScot4 · 26/02/2020 22:58

If he’s 40, his nan is at least 80 yet she does ‘everything’ for him?? Has he no shame?
She’d through him out? aye ok 🙄
He’s forewarning your not to expect anything as he’ll not be giving up his cushy number.

JKScot4 · 26/02/2020 22:58

*throw not through

outherealone · 26/02/2020 23:02

Sounds weird af. There's more to this story.

msmith501 · 26/02/2020 23:14

I doubt there is more to this story. They are codependent and I suspect he would be at a loss as to even how to have a relationship. If you want a free thinking, supportive, emotionally intelligent partner who isn't going to be under his grandma's direct and indirect influence, then this doesn't sound much like the man for you.

cakecakecheese · 27/02/2020 07:07

A 40 year old man won't get into a relationship because of his grandmother who does everything for him?? The hills are that way, run for them...

boopboo · 27/02/2020 07:23

Are you really interested in being with somebody who has never looked after himself? Do you want another child because that’s what you’re getting! This is so weird. She does everything for him!! Yukk.

FeeFee832 · 27/02/2020 07:25

Op... this is weird.

RedRed9 · 27/02/2020 07:31

I don’t think it’s that weird. Do those of you saying it is know many elderly women? The ‘panic he might leave her alone’ thing can be really extreme. Especially if his mum died young.

She does everything for him at home
^ this is weird and off putting though.

AuntieStella · 27/02/2020 07:38

I think that, as you've known him since your schooldays (30 years or so?) and have tayed in touch intermittently, then this is likely to be exactly what it says on the tin.

He's got a cosy billet with his DGran, he's not interested in moving out, isn't interested enough in you to go fully public.

This is FWB, not a relationship with a future. And it's fine if that's what you really want.

PicsInRed · 27/02/2020 07:42

Are you really sure his "nan" isn't actually his wife? Have you met her or even seen her?

TR888 · 27/02/2020 07:47

I don't think I could feel sexually attracted towards a man who's happy for his gran to do everything for him. It says a lot about the kind of man he is - and that's not a sexy man.

Gutterton · 27/02/2020 07:47

Are you really sure his "nan" isn't actually his wife? Have you met her or even seen her?

Cracking up!

pooopypants · 27/02/2020 07:48

she does everything for him at home

  1. He allows her to do everything, his grandmother, who presumably is 80+ (based on his age, assuming though)?? Either she's incredibly active for her age or he's a lazy shit
  1. He's either allowing himself to be dictated to by her, meaning he's spineless or he's talking bollocks
  1. If this was his mother instead of his GM..... oh, the replies, I can just imagine them!!

I'd run a mile OP, or maybe try to dial things back and wait for her to shuffle off this mortal coil? And seriously, I'm only half joking on that last bit.

GaaaaarlicBread · 27/02/2020 07:52

This is a bit weird OP!
But seriously though if you’re not eager to meet and stop at a hotel with him then don’t do it it’s obviously not the right move for you

Gutterton · 27/02/2020 07:59

What is the rest of his life like? Does he work, does he have a broad and deep friendship group, does he have hobbies?

glitterbiscuits · 27/02/2020 07:59

Ask him if you can visit his Nan ?

I feel very suspicious here. Are you sure about his story?
Quite impressive buying new pants! He's making a marvellous effort for you. Much nicer than flowers or chocolate Wink

Knewyou · 27/02/2020 08:01

Is he waiting for the inheritance?

BigFatLiar · 27/02/2020 08:07

At 80 his gran could be fit and well. She's effectively his mother in that she's raised him. Sounds like he's been brought up in an environment where he's been smothered by her. His sense of loyalty to her is controlling him.

If neither of you are really ready for a permanent relationship whats the problem of a FWB type relationship. Sex and a good friend, your own space when you want it. 'Bought new pants' = not too subtle comment that he's looking forward to a bit of sex.

As you're asking here are you really wondering if you actually are looking for a bit more? New partner, children? If not whats the problem with a FWB if it suits both.

Jane1978xx · 27/02/2020 08:39

Most parents (which his nan is) would want their children to meet someone and be happy. He is either a liar or a man child I wouldn’t bother with him

pinkyredrose · 27/02/2020 08:43

Have you ever been to his house? Why don't you check the electoral register to see who's listed there?

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