New pants

[Raven79]

Hello. I've been sort of seeing a guy I went to school with. We're both 40. I'd been single previously for 7 years. We have met up every few months over the years and get on well. He lives with his nan and has said he can't have a relationship as she'd hate it and throw him out. I have a daughter so am in no rush for a full blown relationship. Seeing each other infrequently is fine for me although we message frequently.

His mum died young and his grandad died so him and his gran have been company for each other. He's never met anyone that serious, so has had no reason to leave. He is a sweet guy.

We've decided we'd like to do more than meet up for drinks and it involves staying in a hotel. He's started telling me how excited he is and he's even bought new pants! A bit of me thinks to go for it but another bit of me is cringing.

I like him a lot and don't think he'd hurt me. I guess deep down I do want a proper relationship but I don't know if this is the right way to go about it.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Ds-IoiwYUEl8&ved=2ahUKEwii6-zx7vPnAhW8VBUIHZohCroQFjAEegQIARAB&usg=AOvVaw3-DsvUMGVoJGP2HY8LHumb" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">is his name Jason ?

(not suitable for work)

I'm wondering what his existing pants are like if he has to buy some new ones..... maybe it's in case his gran examines them - can always hide a pair she doesn't know about.

A guy from school got back in touch with me via fb. Very good looking funny and clever. To all intents and purposes appears single online and we had lots of chats and plans to meet which didn’t materialise. He travels a lot for work so plan was going to meet on one of his jaunts.
Anyway, I asked him one day, when exactly did you and your wife split up and he replied very honestly’we havent’ and went on to explain that he has frequent affairs and she doesn’t know or at least he thinks she doesn’t, they’ve never discussed it.
I realised that he clearly had his profile on lockdown and I was obviously put into a very restricted group of fb ‘friends’ who can only see what he chooses them to see.
I did some mild fb stalking after this as had started to invest in him as a concept and found family pictures where she featured and they both looked miserable as sin.
I blocked him anyway and have bumped into him a few times since In real life and just thought what a loser, and his poor wife.
She doesn’t seem to have social media presence of her own otherwise I might have considered contacting her but I’m sure she must know. He was messaging me whilst sat in the lounge. They live in a small town where he’s apparently shagged loads of women and he calls it ‘hiding in plain sight’

No. Just no End it op. There’s a better grown up man out there somewhere
One day his nan will die
And then He will expect you to take her place - doing everything for him

Is that what you want ?

A man excitedly texting me about his new pants would make me dry up. Fucking new pants.

Aside from that, he sounds weird, or a liar. I'd want to meet this "nan" of his.

Ask him if his nan kept the receipt for the pants!

Sounds like you could get a few shags out of it but no more, depends if that's what you want.

It's sweet, go for it!

Thanks again everyone. I'm honestly laughing so much at these comments. As I said before he is sweet guy but maybe this set up would be quite cute of he was in his teens or 20s. It is quite a turn off being in his 40s. He is not completely incompetent. He messaged today to say that be is decorating the kitchen and him and his nan will be going halves on a new one. She is still active on her 80s but it is frustrating that she has such an influence on his life. I guess he must be happy this way.

Without trying to sound pathetic, your comments have made me realise that maybe I am worth me. My husband left me years ago and I've felt worthless. At 40 I honestly am wondering if there is anyone out there for me. Maybe I need to focus o myself more. Thanks again xx

40's nothing really.

Have a minimum standard of:
able to have a relationship openly,
does his own housework/life admin,
buying new pants is not an event worthy of commentary .

I would go to the hotel just to see the shag pants.

Does he work?

Yes he works. He has a full-time job and work a weekends at a shop for extra money. He often says he doesn't have much money which is a bit annoying as I have all the bills to pay on my own x

They managed a relationship for a while but he said it was so difficult as his nan was so awkward about it.

So basically your relationship wont last because his gran will be so awkward about it too?
FFS he is 40 what does she expect him to do, baby sit her until she dies? Or does he expect to live with her and be treated like a child until she dies?
Either way its a non starter. What if it got serious and you wanted to move in together? Would the gran kick up such a fuss he would cave in or would he expect you to replace her?
He is 40 if he cant decide what he wants to do without kow-towing to his gran then there is no future for you both.