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Original poster

New pants

88 replies

Raven79 · 26/02/2020 21:26

Hello. I've been sort of seeing a guy I went to school with. We're both 40. I'd been single previously for 7 years. We have met up every few months over the years and get on well. He lives with his nan and has said he can't have a relationship as she'd hate it and throw him out. I have a daughter so am in no rush for a full blown relationship. Seeing each other infrequently is fine for me although we message frequently.

His mum died young and his grandad died so him and his gran have been company for each other. He's never met anyone that serious, so has had no reason to leave. He is a sweet guy.

We've decided we'd like to do more than meet up for drinks and it involves staying in a hotel. He's started telling me how excited he is and he's even bought new pants! A bit of me thinks to go for it but another bit of me is cringing.

I like him a lot and don't think he'd hurt me. I guess deep down I do want a proper relationship but I don't know if this is the right way to go about it.

OP posts:
ChuckleBuckles · 27/02/2020 11:46

Oh lord this reminds me of my cousin, she lived at home until she was 38 and her and her mum were as close as white on rice. Anyway she met a bloke (who was their lodger!) love bloomed and her and new bloke moved into their own home one warm, sunny Saturday evening. 20 minutes later she came back her to her mum's house, tears flowing down her face, upset that their lives were changing forever, eventually she was soothed and returned to bloke in new home, with promises that mum would visit and they would never let new bloke come between them.

The kicker was that her new home was across the road from her family home, about 15 feet away and bloke had watched all this hysteria from his armchair in the new front room.

So just beware how this could turn out OP, though he might be angling for a carer for his nan (and him) as she is ageing.

Canadianpancake · 27/02/2020 11:54

Looking to the future, this man has had everything done for him well into his 40s. If your relationship was to progress, you would be taking the roll of 'nan' as he obviously isn't domestically independent. Do you want to take on 40 odd year old manchild who gets so excited at the novel prospect of sex that he buys new pants?

On the other hand, if he treats you well and cares for you, there's a lot to be said for that too.

Bathbedandbeyond · 27/02/2020 11:56

Red flag OP Confused

niceclock · 27/02/2020 12:45

did his gran BUY his new pants? (lol) That'd be the clincher for me...

OldFirstTimeMum · 27/02/2020 15:07

If he’s 40 and his nan does everything for him then he would basically expect you to do everything for him if you ever got as far as to move in together. He sounds like an overgrown child. Be wary.

Bluntness100 · 27/02/2020 15:20

Yeah that’s a bit weird, has he ever had a relationship before? Is he a virgin?

carlywurly · 27/02/2020 22:28

Jesus wept. It's giving me the ick just reading this. I bet he's a feathery stroker.

Original poster
Raven79 · 27/02/2020 22:41

Thanks for all your replies.
I really hope his nan didn't buy the pants 🤣.

I've never been to his house but I know he's definitely not married and does live with his nan. I've known him since school and he goes on holiday with his nan and posts pictures of them.

I know she cooks for him but I don't know about washing. He's not a virgin as he previously had a relationship (with someone else I knew from school). They managed a relationship for a while but he said it was so difficult as his nan was so awkward about it. I don't know if she's genuinely as bad as that or if he does just prefer the easy life.

I definitely think they are co dependent and their life benefits them both in some way. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. It's been reassuring to know my gut feeling isn't wrong. Thanks x

OP posts:
moveandmove · 27/02/2020 22:44

Urgggghhhhh that gives me the shivers

fairlygoodmother · 27/02/2020 22:46

I’d worry what his old pants were like...

Gutterton · 27/02/2020 22:47

did his gran BUY his new pants? (lol) That'd be the clincher for me...

Tooooo funny. Suspect she knitted them for him.

TheYearOfTheDog · 27/02/2020 22:50

I KIND of get him.

I don't live with my parents but they live nearby. I"ve had a bf for about 2 years (nearly) adn I don't think they know. I"d just be so embarrassed. They'd want to meet him, like they had a right to. Then they'd have an OPINION on him which they would do a piss poor job of trying to be polite about. Also, I'd have to deal with his opinion of them too. Omg I need a lie down just thinking about this awful scenario.

WhiteBadger · 27/02/2020 22:55

He goes on holiday with his Nan!!

🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️

Original poster
Raven79 · 27/02/2020 22:56

I'm actually cracking up at the replies 🤣
He does have hobbies as he's very into football and goes off to other countries to watch the game, so he's able to be away for that. When we meet he says that he hadn't told her he's meeting up as she'd be funny about it. His life literally hadn't changed from school at all. He's just older.

OP posts:
Canadianpancake · 27/02/2020 23:05

Wow. And this doesn't bother you?

Canadianpancake · 27/02/2020 23:17

Well obviously it does bother you, but I suppose I mean how the hell did you end up dating him!? I'm sure he's make a lovely friend and I actually think the relationship with his nana must be very special and he's a very caring and lovely person to take care of her. But.... Is there much to fancy about him?

Lalala205 · 27/02/2020 23:29

Oh wow! She'll be ironing his pants, doing his washing, making his sandwiches for work, and his tea on the table after, possibly runs his bath too. He'll no doubt pay board and have zero idea what the bills actually are. Which if it works for them is mutually great I suppose? The question is would you like to transfer all the above on to yourself if it works out long term?

OldFirstTimeMum · 28/02/2020 06:42

Run to the hills...

ElbasAbsentPenis · 28/02/2020 06:58

In this situation ‘I’ve bought new pants’ either means ‘I’ve bought new pants for the first time in 30 years so with any luck they won’t have baked-in skid marks yet’ or ‘I’ve bought specialty sex pants! They’re edible! Bon appetit!’

user1480880826 · 28/02/2020 07:03

He sounds like a weirdo. Why on earth does he live with his nan? Especially if it means he’s had to remain single his entire life. The whole set up is weird. I would also run a mile from any man who has never had to do anything for himself. It would be like adopting a child. He’s clearly extremely lazy and immature.

Emma198 · 28/02/2020 07:06

He spelt Nan wrong. It's spelt W-I-F-E

forumdonkey · 28/02/2020 07:14

It's less about his living arrangements than the control he says he allows her to have on his life. He's in his 40's and not allowed a relationship?! He's a 40 year old man he's either choosing his 80 year old granny rule his life or he's telling you that so he can see and sleep with you but technically he's still single.

You said he said she'd throw him out if she found out. I'd be worried about a grown ass man who didn't want to live independently. That alone would be a turn off for me.

FlowerArranger · 28/02/2020 07:29

What @forumdonkey said.

@Raven79 Unless you're absolutely sure that you are looking for no more than a FWB, I would step back from this. At the very least I'd insist on meeting his nan before progressing to an intimate relationship. No way would I consent to being his dirty little secret.

I also wonder: what is his nan's age and health? Is he looking for a nurse and a purse to replace her once she departs this mortal coil...

Gutterton · 28/02/2020 08:29

‘I’ve bought new pants for the first time in 30 years so with any luck they won’t have baked-in skid marks yet’ or ‘I’ve bought specialty sex pants! They’re edible! Bon appetite!

CRYING

category12 · 28/02/2020 08:42

She does everything for him at home

Run a fucking mile. What on earth are you thinking?!

A grown man letting his nan decide if he can date and doing everything for him. Even if you could extract him from her grip, you'd get a complete lemon 🍋 of a partner, who'd expect a mother in you.

Give your head a wobble.