My husband cheated on me with my friend at Christmas

[mum2be2013]

My husband cheated on me with someone who I thought was a close friend at a New Year’s Eve party at our home. I only found out as her husband caught them in the act in the kitchen.
I asked him to move out to give me time to think when it happened but he refused. He says it was a drunken mistake.
We’ve been together 20 years have 2 small children (3 and 6) I’m a sahm and so I’m completely dependent on him financially at the moment and I have no where I could go to to get away (with the children of course). So I feel trapped with him.
I can manage to be polite to him and pretend everything is fine in front of the children but I can’t imagine ever being intimate with him again as I feel so betrayed. When the children are both out (my little one has nursery three mornings) I find myself just crying - as i never thought my husband would cheat on me and now I can’t imagine getting over this and being a family again

@mum2be2013... about a quarter of a century ago I suspected - no proof, just a hunch - that my husbund may have been unfaithful. But I stayed, because the children were little and I was afraid of going it alone.

We papered over the cracks and things seemed okay for 10 years or so. Until the children went off to uni and the cracks became too wide to ignore. I made a half-arsed attempt to leave, but he roped me back in. Then I found out for sure that he was cheating. Looking back, I suspect this wasn't his first rodeo. But I believed his lies and took him back. Tried my best to save my marriage for another 5 fucking years.

This is a long-winded way of telling you to be smarter. Don't be me. Once the trust is gone, it's gone.