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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I have a right to have this?

138 replies

P999 · 20/02/2020 22:36

My ex and I split 2 years ago, around the time he came into some money when a family trust on his side was formed. Coincidence? Hmm. Up until then, i was pretty much paying for everything and putting a roof over his head. My 2DDs are beneficiaries to the trust when my ex dies. He gets regular payments from this trust. He initially promised to send me the Trust deeds and then soon after went back on that promise. His brother is a big deal tax avoidance player and had a big hand in setting up this trust, which is supposed to be one that was created to manage their dad's estate. The dad is gaga now. Im sure the brother has dobe dodgy things with the trust. It's an overseas one. My ex gets huge payouts but refuses to tell me anything about them. He pays 1k per month towards girls upkeep. But I think this is peanuts in terms of his overall earnings from the trust and his job. I've called him up over his caginess but he insists it's non of my business or he ignores me. AIBU?

OP posts:
datasgingercatspot · 20/02/2020 23:59

Vods. It's a trust. My kids names are supposed to be on the trust. So when my ex dies, they are supposed to get his share of the pot. Of course it's my business.

Nope, it's none of your business. It's his and your children's. You weren't married, so you have no claim on anything. Being spiteful, bitter and vengeful is no way to go through life. What a waste of energy. You're not together, you weren't married, he pays maintenance, you need to move on with your life.

Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 00:01

No blunt. I don't have a grasp of tax law. My beef is that this money is supposed to ultimately benefit my kids. I am NC with my ex's family who I don't trust. So if my ex dies, i have no means of ensuring my kids get their due from the trust. As i have no documents, no contacts, no nothing. I don't even know the name of the trust. The normal thing would be to give me, their mother, the documents so i have them on file for my kuds benefit if my ex suddenly dies. He promised he would give me thise copies. Until someone changed his mind. I suspect that someone was his brother. Why? Well, probably because they are hiding something. Hope that makes sense now.

OP posts:
Beansandcoffee · 21/02/2020 00:02

My kids were left money in a trust by their paternal grandfather. My solicitor told me I have no rights even though I am the kids mother. It is my ExH who has responsibility as it is from his father. My solicitor told me to ensure that my executors for my will know about the trust but that is all I can do. When I asked my ex H who his executors were he told me it was none of my business - which in reality Is true.

P999 · 21/02/2020 00:03

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 00:05

That's helpful bean. So sounds like your ex didn't want to be helpful either?

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 21/02/2020 00:08

yes he sounds dodgy OP.. 🌺

datasgingercatspot · 21/02/2020 00:10

You sound delightful, P. But at any rate, no, you have no right to copies of anything. It's your ex's responsibility to get any money he wishes his kids to have after his death to them. If he doesn't do this, that's too bad, but it's nothing to do with you and tbh, he's under no obligation to will his kids anything and can also change beneficiaries as he sees fit. That's the way it is. You need to move on and live your best life rather than wasting a second of your time ruminating on possible future scenarios.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 21/02/2020 00:14

OP - you seem to think you’re entitled to these documents so I’m not sure why you’ve bothered asking the question here ?

Legally speaking YOU are NOT entitled to these documents. I think if you accept that, you might be able to move on without the bitterness. Stop confusing what your children may be entitled to with what you are entitled to. They have two parents and he is making his own arrangements with his money. This does not involve you even if you are the kids mother. Would you expect to be so involved if a distant relative left them money ?

You actually don’t even know if there is a trust, or if there is one how it’s meant to function. I suspect it might be something your children want to pick up in the future, but it’s not your business I’m afraid.

Also, even if elements of the trust are dodgy it doesn’t mean it all is. There’s been quite a few cases of assets being seized under POCA, but they can only keep whatever is illegal. The rest would be returned, so again, stop the pointless worrying over it.

Also, are you expecting your ex to die soon - or is it more wishful thinking on your part ? With young(ish ?) children I’d hope the possibility was more remote. As the children grow up they can discuss matters with their dad at the appropriate time. He may have a file of papers with his will they’d get on his death - I’m sure if he’s gone to the trouble of arranging trusts etc that they’ll be a will and done estate planning done. Who knows - but it really is none of your business. Move on, for your own sanity.

Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 00:14

Thanks bumble.

OP posts:
Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 00:23

I think I've not been clear. My ex does not control the trust. It would have been sensible to give me copies of the trust deeds, as the mother of beneficiaries if my ex dies. But he has decided not to. Probably because his brother told him not to. Probably because he is hiding things. It's probably all there is to it.

OP posts:
Barkley34 · 21/02/2020 00:33

£1k a month!!!

Wow. That seems like a hell of a lot if money to me.

Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 00:39

It might sound a lot to you, but I got myself heavily in debt supporting my ex when we were together. So i am paying off s lot of debts now. So if you're implying I'm loaded, sadly not the case

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 21/02/2020 00:51

1k, wow I don’t get a penny for 4 kids so sounds like alot to me! Peanuts Shock

Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 00:52

Well. That wasnt the question. But thanks for your support...

OP posts:
Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 00:53

Not saying we are starving. But it's not a thread about who's ex pays the least. Am sorry if you're struggling though

OP posts:
2020vision10 · 21/02/2020 00:54

Go strangle a cat? Wtf is wrong with you... What a sick thing to say.

BarbedBloom · 21/02/2020 01:00

Legally you have no rights at all to see any documents. Any savings etc will not count towards maintenance. Also, I agree with poster above, telling people to go strangle a cat is awful. Really appalling.

Hollyhobbi · 21/02/2020 01:03

OP count yourself lucky you're not in Ireland. My ex doesn't pay a cent in child maintenance for our two girls despite two Court Orders being made. Also as part of our Divorce he was supposed to take out a Life Insurance policy with me named as the beneficiary so the girls would have 'maintenance money' if he died. He didn't even do that! Said his executors would make sure the girls got his estate. But a Will can be changed at any time. Do you work OP?

LonginesPrime · 21/02/2020 01:15

OP, I'd be more worried about the fact you're receiving £1k per month which you suspect might be proceeds of crime, personally.

And I wouldn't want anything to do with this trust either, since you say it's dodgy and the brother is a criminal - why would you want your children mixed up in that?

Chocmallows · 21/02/2020 01:21

"Go and strangle a cat?" All sympathy blown for you OP! I wish you bad luck!

outherealone · 21/02/2020 01:30

Op you sound like Liz Jones if she ever had kids. 1k a month is a hella lot of money for two kids. I get 200 per month and I know plenty of women who get nothing at all.
I presume you work? You’re in a very fortunate position If you do and claim tax credits as currently they don’t count maintenance as income.
If you don’t work then I presume you’re declaring this grand a month?
You sound very grabby and I don’t understand why you’re worrying so much about your kids getting their hands on the proceeds of crime if and when he dies?
This greed and obsession will eat you up. Move on and make the most of your lucky monthly windfall, pay off some debts & then start saving it each month

Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 01:32

Holly. I've heard about how hard it is in Ireland. Sorry you've had it so hard. FlowersPeople, i wasnt literally telling anyone to strangle a cat. I have a cat. I love my cat. It was a comeback to those who like to lay in to posters for fun. Sorry if anyone misunderstood

OP posts:
Monday55 · 21/02/2020 01:37

If you shit stir and he gets arrested you won't get any CMS. Also if he dies tomorrow and the estate says the grand kids can only have the cash when they turn 30yrs old it means you still have to look after them somehow without CMS. Seriously don't sh*t where you sleep.

Original poster
P999 · 21/02/2020 01:38

I live in London. Rents are extortionate in London. And I don't live in a particularly great part of London. So 1k is not a fortune here. At all. If I didn't work, we'd starve. Yes, i work. Public sector.

OP posts:
Chocmallows · 21/02/2020 01:39

Ok OP, I can see it was not serious, but as a fellow cat owner I couldn't even joke about hurting a cat.

There is a risk with involving the CSA, the amount they calculate is on his earnings - does the trust actually count as earnings and could he manipulate things to show low earnings in the UK?

I would keep the £1000 over him finding he can get away with less, unless a financial adviser / solicitor can investigate and prove otherwise.