He’s going to propose but..

[WhatDoIDooDIoDtahW]

Long story short, without making a long ass post.
My DP gave me his phone to use as mine had died when we were out. I was looking for something in particular and price comparing. I lost a page so went to the history to find it and saw DP has been looking at engagement rings. I’m one of these ‘can’t help myself’ crappy people who had a sneaky look.. I’m ashamed of myself for looking but it was right there. The 2-3 rings he’s looked at aren’t to my taste at all. I’m fairly big on jewellery so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want something that I like.
However I would absolutely hate to hurt his feelings regarding his choice, it’s special because he picked it, but I really don’t like the ones he’s looked at.

We’ve discussed being married briefly and how to go about it as we have a baby together now and we’ve been talking about making myself and our daughter secure for the future. I said we could go to the registry office and just do it. But DP wants to do the whole proposal and wedding party ect. Which is fine by me, I love a good party . So I asked him if he would choose the ring solely by himself or whether he would let me choose as he knows I can be fussy and I could take the pressure off by choosing my own. He said he wants to pick it. That’s fine, can’t complain I thought that it would be really lovely that he wants to pick it out.

So I’m glad he’s genuinely thinking of doing it and isn’t beating around the bush forever as it’s something I’d like to do for me and DD and he agrees.

But now I’m slightly scared of what my reaction will be to the ring, I know it’s not the most important part and at the end of the day its a Very minor factor. But I’m a person who likes my jewellery and fashion, I know I’m fussy and I know that the rings he’s looking at I really don’t like. It’s going to be on my finger forever, I want to like it.

I sound so selfish and rotten.

If it was you, when he proposes would you just accept it as he picked it, or would you gently tell him it’s not to your taste?

I mean, just talk to him surely? But I don't get all the "wearing it for your whole life" comments? When you get married surely the engagement ring is replaced by the wedding ring unless you really want to wear both? So you just have to wear it until you're married?

I am surprised you haven't discussed your ring preferences first. I managed to find out from my ex what her ring size was, stone preference, colour preference, type of metal, preferred setting.

Maybe suggest you buy the ring together on holiday? The money you save can pay for the holiday

This would be a lot simpler if you stopped putting yourself last in everything, and valuing your own needs and wants as worthless.

The baby took his surname not yours because he pulled a sad face, you're not married yet because he pulled a sad face about how he wants it done, you're not engaged yet because he pulled a sad face about wanting to do it his way, you're not getting a say in the timing because he pulled a sad face, you're not getting a say in the ring because he pulled a sad face, you're worried to bring it up in case he pulls a sad face...

And meanwhile your feelings rate where exactly in your decision making process?

I agree with this. I would worry that he's stalling, to be honest. I tend to be wary of situations where a woman wants to get married quickly in a registry office, but her partner wants a "proper" proposal and wedding. From what I've seen, it's usually just a delaying tactic. I know I'm being very cynical, and I hope I'm wrong. But if I were you I'd see it as a red flag if, after proposing, he drags his feet about actually arranging the wedding (or wants to set a date a couple of years from now).

@EnterFunnyNameHere, lots of people wear both their wedding and engagement rings after getting married.

This would be a lot simpler if you stopped putting yourself last in everything, and valuing your own needs and wants as worthless.

The baby took his surname not yours because he pulled a sad face, you're not married yet because he pulled a sad face about how he wants it done, you're not engaged yet because he pulled a sad face about wanting to do it his way, you're not getting a say in the timing because he pulled a sad face, you're not getting a say in the ring because he pulled a sad face, you're worried to bring it up in case he pulls a sad face...

And meanwhile your feelings rate where exactly in your decision making process?

So much this ^

@ZoeCM yes, but presumably these are people who love their engagement ring so choose to wear both. It's not socially or traditionally mandated, so it's not like you're stuck wearing your engagement forever if you don't love it!

I loved my engagement ring because it's what my DH chose and I wore it happily, but aesthetically it's not really my style so when we got married I chose my wedding ring and now wear that alone. Job done!

Ah, I see what you mean, @EnterFunnyNameHere!

We’ve been shopping, I’ve tried some on.

What I thought I liked I don’t, asked for his opinion and he picked the one he’s been looking at online to try, it did actually look really nice but both weren’t 100%. Second one he picked out was beautiful.. maybe he knows me better than I know myself

Also brought DD her first swimming costume so it was a successful day for everyone 🤓

That's great news!!

My husband chose my ring and it was an out of the blue proposal. I didn't like it. I asked if we could go ring shopping as I never in my life had an opportunity to look at rings. None were right and after a day of look around Hatton garden in London I actually thought the one he chose was the best! So maybe you will grow to like the ring just as I did, and now I wouldn't change it at all!!

Another thought, if you like the stone you can use it and have it reset and redesigned to your liking. You can do that together.

Good news then. Quite amusing that you didn't actually like your own picks .

We went and looked around a few jewellers when we knew marriage was imminent, I pointed out a few I liked, all white gold clusters, he made the finale choice.

It's important to have input, perhaps have a conversation with him about rings you like, in a my friend has a beautiful engagement ring just like....way x

Fab :)

I feel for you, OP. I'm very into jewellery and have friends in the industry, so I could have come up with something lovely at a reasonable price. I felt like a brat, but I was so disappointed when I saw the ring my xDP had got me. A colour I hated, expensive, and so big that I could only put it on my index finger. It was just "What were you thinking?"