What does having that special connection mean to you?

[AutumnAlready]

I'm really interested in hearing what to you is that special bond/ connection with your partner? What is it to you.

Long story but Dh and I are separating because we don't have that bond or at least I don't feel we have and I need more.

An example I heard last week was a lady saying her DH leaves little love notes in the fridge, saying things like you're a great wife, a great mum, I love you. Made me really sad that I've never had that.

I guess to me it's that special bond you have with your partner to get through life.

@Ginmonkey84 we also snort with laughter a lot

I guess you just know when you have that special bond and you know when you don’t (like me - hence why I’m calling it a day after 26 years).

I think having the special bond is what makes it almost worse when they do something very shitty. It’s like you feel that bond is the glue that protects, discovering you can have a great bond and someone can still be a shit is one of life’s crappiest lessons.

I know it’s wayyy beyond cringe but I think when you have it, you just know.

I never had ‘it’ with my exH but then I just thought that was it. However, as soon as I met my now DH I just knew. We have something that I can’t really describe, it’s just total inner togetherness.

Yes I am cringing at myself.

For me it's a feeling of partnership - doing things for each other to make their lives easier or more enjoyable, from a place of love and joy.

It's not stupid post-its on the fridge or being showered with compliments, it's getting up early to take the car to have it's MOT because I'm not a morning person. It's running out 5 mins before the supermarket closes for my oat milk so I can have a coffee when I wake up.

Due to both my OH and I’d crazy life which takes us away to different parts of the world we keep in constant contact via text, FaceTime and calls, catching up with the days news and comedy moments. When we are together we are very selfish and just are so happy to be in the same room together let alone continent! We just spend time with ourselves, laughing, chatting, cooking, eating and being intimate. I feel safe and happy when he is with me. I usually go for wankers but this one is very different. We connect on every level.

Thank you for starting this thread OP. It is a very interesting read and has helped me process something that has been niggling away at me all week.

Dp and I have a lovely bond and both say it's the little things that matter the most.

However my DSis made me/him feel bad because he didn't get me flowers for Valentines Day. At the time it didn't bother me that I didn't receive any as he'd got me the loveliest most thoughtful card which was personalized from a well known online retailer and sent to me at home. It brought tears to my eyes when I opened it. So my sister seeing an issue with me not getting flowers suddenly became an issue in my head and I had to say something to my Dp.

I feel a bit miffed that she made us feel like this as I always like to look at the bigger picture. He goes to the supermarket and does food shops. He makes the children's packed lunches. He does domestic stuff around the house. I know he does his best as a considerate partner.

All these things she moans that her Dp doesn't do. Yes she did get a lovely bunch of flowers but the amount of times she moans about him and what he doesn't do, throughout the rest of the year....flowers seem to be a bit of an empty gesture IMO.

Apologies this turned into a longer post than intended.

He REALLY listens to me and cares what I say. We've both been incredibly honest and open with each other about our weaknesses and fears and that's created difficult conversations but we stick through it. He prioritises me in his life and I do the same.
And hear hear to naked cuddles 🙂

Thank you for the lovely responses.

I just know DH and I don't have that bond, we connect on a very practical level but not on a heart level.

I think I would be like a peacock if I ever got a note like that from someone, how lovely that must be. I just exist in my relationship, I hate to say it but I survive, I don't thrive. I know I need to get out.

The highlights for me are laughter, sex and being able to completely be myself.
I'd never had a sexual connection to anybody in the way i do my current dp, i think for me it always felt awkward and the focus was always on pleasing them but that is completely different now. He makes me laugh in a way i didn't know was possible, we regularly go to bed and laugh over absolutely nothing until i physically cannot breathe!
I can sing, dance, be weird etc and he doesn't bat an eyelid, I've never had that with anybody else.

I'm sorry to hear that Autumn. Before this relationship I was with someone who I loved immensely and thought was my "forever person."
When he left the heartbreak was atrocious.
But now I realise that going through that helped me to be a better person and a more open, assertive partner.
If you take stock of what went wrong on both sides you can emerge more capable of emotional connection.

He just gets me. There was one evening when his MIL was hanging around and my anxiety was really high. He could tell so he said he was off to bed and she left. He wasn’t going to bed at all - he was getting rid of her because he could see I needed a cuddle and a chat.

When my anxiety is really high and I can’t sleep, he sits up with me even if he has work the next day.

Just like I can see in his face if he’s nervous or stressed and know when he needs to talk or be left alone.

That is our special connection. Little love notes is not a special connection in my opinion and actually I’d hate that. It’s a bit cringy for me!

FeedMeChoc

I think that's beautiful that he would do that sit up in the bed with you. That's extremely special and what I want. Someone who cares about you as a person so much.