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Original poster

Has anybody had a commitment ceremony and how was it?

88 replies

Terrierqueen · 15/02/2020 17:57

I'm toying with the idea of a commitment ceremony. I like the idea of having a big party/reunion but because of inheritance/property reasons I have some hesitation towards marriage. I know prenups can be overturned /ignored So I'm a bit iffy about them.

Is the ceremony very similar to a wedding? Did you wear a wedding dress? How did family/friends take it? TIA

OP posts:
Purplewhitelie · 15/02/2020 18:15

What’s the point though?

Original poster
Terrierqueen · 15/02/2020 18:22

Having a big party celebrating your life together? I have no issue with having joint assets from the moment we marry. Call me a cynic but I've been married before and I know sometimes they don't last forever. I don't want to have to share what my parents' hard earned money in case anything goes wrong, it just doesn't seem right to me. I don't think there's a bullet proof way to protect those assets in the current British system.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/02/2020 18:44

I agree that the law needs to change and pre nips should be binding and legal.

However I’d be very Hmm at someone having a fake wedding, even more so after already being married and the vows not lasting.

Aderyn19 · 15/02/2020 18:54

I can't see the point either, sorry. It's the very opposite of commitment, since you are only doing it so that you won't be committed, if push comes to shove.
That's not a criticism of you - I think it's sensible to protect yourself once you already have assets and have been through one divorce m

ToTravelIsToLive · 15/02/2020 19:25

Honestly if I got invited to one I would be questioning what's the point and see it as a grabby gift seeking event. It's a personal choice but those, baby showers and naming ceremonies are all in the same category to me as they have zero religious or legal meaning

Original poster
Terrierqueen · 15/02/2020 19:29

Well I don't think the first one was ever going to last, we only did it because I got pregnant (yes bug mistake) but I didn't have a proper wedding either just one at the registrar's office with no guests. I want to live the experience of having a wedding . I truly believe if these were assets that were acquired during our marriage I don't have anything against sharing, but bit my family's especially after a divorce.

OP posts:
ScarlettBlaize · 15/02/2020 19:31

you've really taken the 'attention seeking narcissistic grabby look-at-me party' thing and run with it to the max, huh.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/02/2020 19:34

I didn't have a proper wedding either

So you didn’t sign a marriage certificate, didn’t make vows until death do you part or have to get divorced Hmm

Aderyn19 · 15/02/2020 19:35

I'm not sure but I think inheritance is not classes as a marital asset unless you use it to buy something like the family home.
Also everybody says they would be fair and share assets before the wedding. Come the divorce and perspectives change.
I don't think you can reasonably have a wedding unless you also want a marriage.
No one is going to treat it looks me a real wedding since it has no legal status.
And it's kind of rubbing your dp's nose in it a bit to have something that is actually an anti - wedding.

Aderyn19 · 15/02/2020 19:36

Excuse terrible typos

Original poster
Terrierqueen · 15/02/2020 19:37

I don't think we did? I can't remember. I was sad nobody was there for me as everybody loves abroad and my exH swore we'd have a proper wedding one day. Obviously that never happened. I'd only invite like 20 people to this one and I could even have a disclaimer of no presents expected. I would even potentially elope, I'm open to ideas.

OP posts:
PooWillyBumBum · 15/02/2020 19:40

I’m not sure I see the point in “eloping” and inviting guests. I probably wouldn’t want to pay to attend a friends fake wedding, why not have a party when you have a big anniversary of X years together, somewhere local? And no I wouldn’t wear a wedding dress!

Original poster
Terrierqueen · 15/02/2020 20:08

It's such a shame there's nothing in between

OP posts:
ScarlettBlaize · 15/02/2020 20:34

Nothing in between what and what? You don't want to get married, why the fuck do you think people should want to come and watch you prance around pretending to be a wickle pwincess for a day?

ladybee28 · 15/02/2020 20:35

@ScarlettBlaize why so angry?

Original poster
Terrierqueen · 15/02/2020 20:47

People would get to officially celebrate that were together? Of what I understand if it can be proven my assets cover part of our expenses, then he could claim up to 50% were talking about £400k it would be silly not to protect them. We already have a baby and a house together, we live a married life. I'd love to have a public celebration of it. I don't want/need any presents. Yes, I want to wear a pretty dress and choose flowers, menus, etc... I've always wanted to, I don't think I'm very different from many women.

OP posts:
EuroMillionsWinner · 15/02/2020 20:53

Why not have a civil partnership then? Otherwise it's just fake and tacky, IMO.

74NewStreet · 15/02/2020 20:58

People would get to officially celebrate that we’re together
Grin. I’m sure your nearest and dearest are happy that you’re happy, but to imagine it’s worthy of a big extravaganza is cringeworthy.
Why would they want to celebrate? Full of your own importance...

CeibaTree · 15/02/2020 20:58

I want to live the experience of having a wedding
A wedding is the start of a marriage though. You already have a child with this man, but you don't want to commit financially to marriage? Seems
a bit of a weird set up to me. If you want a big party maybe do a naming ceremony for your child, or even have a civil partnership.

MaidenMotherCrone · 15/02/2020 20:59

You could have a beautiful Pagan hand fasting. .

Lostkeyagain · 15/02/2020 21:00

I think the flaw is that no binding commitment would actually be made.

Just have a party if you want a party.

ScarlettBlaize · 15/02/2020 21:02

@Terrierqueen People would get to officially celebrate that were together?

But no one else cares?

Yes, I want to wear a pretty dress and choose flowers, menus, etc... I've always wanted to, I don't think I'm very different from many women.

Fortunately, many women don't buy into this wank.

74NewStreet · 15/02/2020 21:03

What’s this “elope” business? You’re not getting married, but you want your friends and family come and watch you elope?
You sound like an attention seeker extraordinaire.

EuroMillionsWinner · 15/02/2020 21:03

People would get to officially celebrate that were together?

Sorry but that's just ridiculous. They get to celebrate that you're shacking up and have a kid? Why not just have a civil partnership?

superfandango · 15/02/2020 21:03

Just have an anniversary party at the next milestone of you being together.