Has anybody had a commitment ceremony and how was it?

[Terrierqueen]

I'm toying with the idea of a commitment ceremony. I like the idea of having a big party/reunion but because of inheritance/property reasons I have some hesitation towards marriage. I know prenups can be overturned /ignored So I'm a bit iffy about them.

Is the ceremony very similar to a wedding? Did you wear a wedding dress? How did family/friends take it? TIA

We already have a baby and a house together

Did you consider saving yourself the bother of having a child and just having a baby shower instead?

Just throw a party for your family and friends. No need to label it. They know you're together. You both know you are together. Just have a party for the fun of it.

Vodsel

Also, you’ve basically told us that you won’t marry this man because you’re concerned that he’ll benefit financially from a breakup. It doesn’t sound like you’re that committed.

Surely a civil partnership gives the same protections as marriage. Which the OP wants to avoid (quite rightly imo) OP I really don’t think most women want the fairytale “wedding”. I certainly didn’t and nor did my friends. But if you want to do all the planning why not have an anniversary party? I would go, but as with weddings it is best that you pay for accommodation/transport for your guests if they have to travel as well as having an open bar.

I really think there will be ways of protecting some of these assets. Have you actually got legal advice? And secondly, don't count on that money your parents worked hard for even getting to you if they need care in later life. That's what my parents' hard earned money is going towards now and it will be the case for many, many people.

Civil partnerships don't change anything about the division of assets if divorce happens

If you got divorced you definitely had a proper wedding the first time, what you mean is you didn't have a big party with a posh frock and lots of attention.

An engagement party would be more appropriate.

So you want to have a huge party to celebrate the fact that you are with a man but don't trust him enough to get married?
You do know that the guests will be laughing behind their hands while they drink your health?

Very odd and I'd never attend such a self indulgent farce

That’s the entire thing in a nutshell, jeeves
Don’t make a public exhibition of yourself by inviting people to this non event, op.

I find huge production second weddings unbelievably cringe but a second non-wedding look we're shacked up and have a child? That is like beyond cringe.

Why don't you be one of those couples who get engaged but never tie the knot? You could call the party an engagement party then.
Commitment Ceremony sounds like one of you cheated so you want to make it publicly official again.

So it's a commitment ceremony for a commitment you are half-hearted about making?
You want people (including your dp) to celebrate the fact that you think the relationship might not last!

Yes, engagement party could work (minus the lack of dress) but I guess most elements would/could be there?

I do think once we pass the 20 year mark we would get married just for inheritance reasons (so it could be seen as a VERY long engagement).

People would get to officially celebrate that were together?

Sorry but I'd be quite baffled if I received an invite to a "celebrate we're together" party where you had a wedding dress and flowers.

To celebrate what? Your relationship with someone that you're not committed enough to, to actually marry or have a civil partnership?

@Tombakersscarf that's only because the British system plays in a way that I have to gamble everything. In many other countries separation of assets is a thing. are their marriages less valid? It's just my parents money I want to protect. If anybody knows of a good lawyer that can guarantee that I'm all ears. But the one I've spoken to said it's impossible to guarantee it.

Engaged means engaged to be married. People will talk non stop about the wedding you'll be having.

OP your concerns about your parents’ money are valid but a commitment party is a daft idea. People would be flummoxed by such an invitation. I’m concerned that you’d look foolish.

For better or worse, in sickness and in health.
You might split up and he might gain money that way. You might get sick and he might nurse you through a long illness. He might win the lottery.
It's a gamble, but one that demonstrates commitment itself. You can have love for each other and not marry, but I don't think you get a special ceremony for your situation. An anniversary party would be another option.

..and you would absolutely still get presents, saying a present is not expected is just a standard thing.

Thanks Patch that's my worry too.

For the people who have suggested the "anniversary" idea, isn't it a similar thing? People celebrate marriage anniversaries , not meeting/moving in ones.

Don’t do it OP: you’ll look like a fool, and worse still, you’ll be making a fool out of your partner.

And if I were to win the lottery he'd half of it too. Any wealth post marriage is for both of us regardless of who brings it in.

It's my parents' money that I'm iffy about. If I invest it and make more, those profits would be shared too, it's the capital itself that I want to protect.

Commitment ceremonies were held in the not-really-very-olden-days for homosexual couples living in countries and states that wouldn't allow them to marry. So it was a public display of commitment, a sort of 'I'd marry you if I could'. I've never heard of a commitment ceremony for couples who are actually legally allowed to marry!