How often do you see your parents?

[ProfMcGonigle]

I’ve NC’d recently (I do every year or so).

Under an old user name, a year and a half ago, I received some wonderful MN advice and counsel about my relationship with DM.

Things were, at that point, in crisis and, while we are no longer in that crisis situation, things haven’t really improved.

We all have very different relationships with our parents and very different circumstances, but I’d like to ask:

How often do you see your parents?
Is your relationship a positive one?

I see DM every week. Every now and again I’m brave enough to cancel that week’s visit, sometimes she cancels. In general though, it’s weekly.

To be honest, I dread it! I plaster a smile on and get through it with great relief, then spend the next 6 days filled with dread again.

I know I can make a decision to reduce contact (and I might) but I’d love to know the average.

I see them when hell freezes over

Never these days as they are both dead

I see my mum twice a week and my dad most days. We have a good relationship

We speak daily and see each other once or twice a week.....but we have a very good relationship.

Dad once a year, he lives overseas. Mum 4 or 5 times a year. She lives 300 miles away.

Set up a new routine and stop seeing DM so often if it's upsetting you.

Do you ever consider your kids will be writing this about you in a few years

We see my parents every few months, same with DHs parents. TBVH its not a positive experience seeing either set, so we minimise it

Once every other year as it's international travel, but we have a good relationship and speak regularly (twice weekly)

My in laws 1-4 times a year. DH does not have a close relationship with his family and I now accept it.

I guess you live close if you meet weekly? You need to find an out!

I see my Dad around once a fortnight when he is in the UK (he travels for part of the year) and I haven't seen my mother for more than six years, as I felt like you and realised that having a relationship with her was negatively impacting my mental health, and had started affecting my dc too so I went NC.

I have never regretted my decision and still believe it was the only thing I could have done to protect myself and my family from her toxicity, although I am sad that I don't have a mother who loves and values me as I do her, but my mother was never that person, even when I was seeing her several times a week and feeling that if I was just a 'better daughter' that I could create a loving, supportive relationship...nope some people just aren't capable of that sadly.

2 or 3 time a year, normally a 3 day visit. They live 4 hours drive away.
We don't get on well so it's very much going through the motions. I would actually prefer to see them more often but for shorter visits iyswim, because it's increasingly difficult to get through a 3 day visit without us falling out over something. In your position I'd maybe be suggesting once a month for 2 or 3 hours.

I don't think you'll get "normal" on here because it will depend on relationships/distance/lives.

Every Sunday we take it in turns to do Sunday lunch. Very close to them and occasionally meet mum during the week for shopping/coffee or a walk.

I see my mum at least once a week, we speak every day on the phone or by text. On the whole it's a positive relationship.
My dad died 2 months ago. He lived 300 miles away, we texted every day and saw each other a few times a year. I miss him very much.

I see them around once a month or so. It used to be more often when my kids were younger and they helped out with childcare. I have a very positive relationship with them.

Do you ever consider your kids will be writing this about you in a few years

That’s bollocks, tbh.

My grandmother was an emotionally abusive narcissist - and I don’t use any of the terms lightly. Made my mother’s life an utter misery. Mum danced to her tune and agonised and grovelled and apologised when she was given the silent treatment if she’d transgressed slightly - until she was in her 50s and decided the silent treatment wasn’t so bad, and the power balance shifted slightly. Twice weekly visits, at a minimum, were mandatory.

My mother, by contrast, is an utter delight as a parent and as a person to spend time with. She treats her adult children and their spouses as equals. We live a 24 hour flight apart but see each other on average twice a year for 2-3 weeks at a time. we FaceTime once a week but no hassles if one or other of us misses it.

For my siblings who live closer, she sees one family at least once a week as she picks up the kids from school, the other can be anything from a couple of times in a week to once every few weeks.

My own view is that a rigid schedule is a sign things aren’t particularly healthy.

If I were you I'll stop seeing her if you dread it. She may feel the same way. It's not doing you any good.
I FaceTime my Mum daily we both enjoy it. I live in England and she is in America.
Would love to see her more. I haven't talk to my father in years he may die without us seeing each other. It's a shame but he doesn't talk to any of us and we are 5 daughters.

Never. Been non contact for twelve years

Do you ever consider your kids will be writing this about you in a few years

Only if she's a shit parent

I last saw my mother when I was 17, I’ll never see her or any of her family again.

I have seen my father three times in the last eight years, I only see one member of his family (she has also been excluded from the family) and I doubt I’ll see any of them again.

Family don’t need to be people you share DNA with.

3/4 times a week.

Holiday with them at least once a year.

They’re my dearest friends as well as parents.

When I lived overseas for 20 years l saw my parents every 2.5 years but face timed every week and called 3 times a week.

Now I'm home l see them 2/3 times a week and call once a week.

But I want to spend time with my parents and chat. If I didn't, I wouldn't. Certainly not if I dreaded it.

I don’t have any. But we see fiancés parents once a week or so, usually. Sometimes it feels a bit much, as they’re retired and we’re working long hours, so there isn’t much to actually catch up on, but I can appreciate that they like to see him! And they’re lovely people.

I lived OS for 10 years, not 20 🙄

21 years since I saw df.
9 for dm.
5 for ils!!

Both sets of parents once a week during pick up and drop offs for childcare. Usually have a natter then won't see them for another week. Speak to my mum on the phone a few times a week. All relationships very positive so we're lucky.

About 5 times a year because they live at the other end of the country. I phone my mum every day though - they are elderly and not in great health. It's a constant worry.