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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fiancé has lost it!!

79 replies

Kel9 · 13/02/2020 11:59

Hi ladies...

Looking to rant really. This all sounds so petty.

My oh and I get married soon and we have a good relationship I mean I feel like we are very compatible and I would say soul mates and he’s a laugh a minute. He’s a big joker I mean he jokes all the time he’s even done this with arguments.. which had fucked me off. He will talk about being annoyed with a straight face about something so I get offended or upset then he’s like I’m joking!!! 😡 I’ve learnt to ignore him but it’s like the boy who cried wolf as I never know when he’s serious.

So last night I was up lots with tooth ache and asked him to turn over in bed as I was sore lying a certain way. ( I’m weird I hate facing people when I sleep) He lost it! He was like for fuck sake blah blah I just thought he was having a sleepy rant..... but no! He took offence to this.

This morning he left for work without saying bye and when I called him over he ignored me? 😳

I text him this morning to say have a good day as I didn’t hear from him like I usually do and he text me back with a really blunt response and no kisses saying he was really pissed off and didn’t want to say goodby to me this morning and that was it.

It’s a load of bollocks it’s not like it’s anything major and how he’s acting now has made me pissed off with him. I’ve just text him to say this is out of the blue (his behaviour) and to have a nice day. He’s not responded and I’m not going to either.

This all sounds like petty nonsense. What the hell is going on?!?

OP posts:
OldEvilOwl · 13/02/2020 12:16

He's a cunt! Text him back 'fuck off then'

Original poster
Kel9 · 13/02/2020 12:18

Honestly I was just about to send that 😂 what a douche bag!

OP posts:
kitk · 13/02/2020 12:23

He shouldn't be being arsey with you but playing devils advocate, if his sleep was disturbed a lot by you being up a lot and asking him to turn over maybe that's led to a bad mood? He needs to get over it and snap out of it yes, but just trying to see it from his side

Kirkman · 13/02/2020 12:24

Honestly I hate people who pretent to be pissed off when they arent. It's like they like seeing you upset. That wouldnt be for me.

On the other hand if dp woke me up because he wanted to change sleep position, which meant I had to move I wouldnt be very happy either.

I would give him chance to cool off and talk later. If you are usually very happy, he might be just knackered or stressed and its peaked.

If so he needs to figure out a way to deal with it better.

But I would understand, hin being annoyed at being woken.

poopbear · 13/02/2020 12:26

Wow. What a prick. So it’s ok for him to joke around and nobody’s allowed to take offence but you ask him to turn over because you’re poorly and he acts like this? Red flag. Huge red flag. I’d be moving out until he explained his behaviour to be honest. Are you sure you want to marry this arsehole?

poopbear · 13/02/2020 12:28

Oh and if he’s been like this after one moment/night of disturbed sleep because you’re poorly, honestly, you’d better have a big massive rethink about having kids with this guy. Babies can keep you up all night, every night for years. He’s not a good candidate OP and you know this.

Apileofballyhoo · 13/02/2020 12:30

Hard to tell really, some people really need their sleep. Have you got a spare room or a couch? I'd be inclined towards saying he's a prick but if you were in and out of the bed all night and then when he had finally dropped off you woke him I think you were unreasonable not to stay up or try to get some sleep elsewhere. It was inconsiderate/selfish of you.

DH and I try very hard not to disturb the other one at night or during weekend sleep ins.

Apileofballyhoo · 13/02/2020 12:32

I do agree with people who said he wouldn't be a good candidate to have DC with if you barely disturbed him.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 13/02/2020 12:34

Thank goodness you found this all out before you married him.

JudyCoolibar · 13/02/2020 12:58

I'm a bit mystified by this, to be honest. Do you seriously demand that whoever you are in bed with turns over every time you want to turn over towards the middle of the bed because you don't like facing them? If it were me, that would have pissed me off a long time ago. I suggest you invest in single beds if you want to keep any relationship gong.

Original poster
Kel9 · 13/02/2020 12:59

We are not having kids lol. We both have one from a previous marriage.

I was only up once he’s pissed because I asked him to move. He’s pissed as he thinks it’s me pushing him away xx

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/02/2020 13:03

Have you made a dentist appointment?

SouthernComforts · 13/02/2020 13:03

So if you want to turn over in bed you wake him and make him turn over too? I would not put up with that.

Original poster
Kel9 · 13/02/2020 13:04

Honestly this is how he thinks it’s a mixture of that and him not being able to sleep! I get that it’s annoying being woke up but I apologised in my text he’s just being a baby x

OP posts:
Original poster
Kel9 · 13/02/2020 13:05

Yes I’ve got an appointment lol next week. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Kel9 · 13/02/2020 13:07

I don’t ask him to turn over every time we are in bed, which is why I think he’s acting like a dick head x

OP posts:
BecauseReasons · 13/02/2020 13:09

Could you not have moved your pillow to the bottom of the bed and slept the opposite way to usual? That way you could have turned without facing him.

user18463585026 · 13/02/2020 13:11

Why are you marrying someone who enjoys upsetting you for his own entertainment?

RepeatAdNauseum · 13/02/2020 13:11

I’d be grouchy and annoyed if my fiancé made me roll over because he didn’t want to face me and he wanted to move...

Weirdly we tend to sleep in such a way that both of us will shuffle if either of us does, but it’s sleepily... and I go out of my way not to wake him if I’m struggling to sleep and am moving around, because I love him and I want him to sleep well!

It’ll blow over and for now I’d leave it be, but I wouldn’t wake him up to get him to move because you don’t like to face him again, and I also think you should evaluate the “pretending to be upset” thing... it sounds irritating and more importantly, incompatible with you.

ShadowOnTheSun · 13/02/2020 13:21

So you WOKE HIM UP just to tell him to turn over? Yep, I'd tell you to fuck off too. And a few more pretty words.

OR he was awake and you asked him to turn over? That's fine, and his behaviour is unreasonable.

So, it depends.

billy1966 · 13/02/2020 13:26

He doesn't sound nice OP.

All that pretending to be upset, to upset you is not normal and healthy and I would find it controlling and hugely manipulative.

Why would someone who really cares about you enjoy seeing you upset and would want that dynamic in a relationship?

Someone else on here might analyse it better but it doesn't sound nice and it doesn't sound like an environment that I would foist on my child.

Have a good think about what you are getting yourself into.

Astronica · 13/02/2020 13:26

I'd be more worried about his hurtful, selfish 'humour' than one upset - though that is worrying enough and very petty. Generally he sounds like a very selfish person. Something for you to think about going into the future.

Original poster
Kel9 · 13/02/2020 13:34

He’s a complete joker I’ve called him out before and now all I do is give him this look and he stops in his tracks. He doesn’t do it to cause hurt honest he’s actually quite insecure and I think he puts me in a pedal stool.

But he’s not had much relationships and I think he can’t pick and choose his battles

OP posts:
Musti · 13/02/2020 13:34

I've had bouts of toothache and they've been horrendous but I take myself elsewhere and sort my pain out. I cant believe you woke him up to turn around - sounds a bit princessy

Interestedwoman · 13/02/2020 13:42

What a wanker.

A lot of abusive blokes will say stuff and then go 'I was just joking.' It's what they do. Assume that he's serious about every nasty comment he's said was a 'joke.' How would that make you feel about him? I'd be interested to hear some of these 'jokes.'

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