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Original poster

Tell me some disturbing/wrong things about your exes (maybe lighthearted)

118 replies

Interestedwoman · 11/02/2020 18:43

Hi all,

Please could you tell me some disturbing/wrong things about your exes?

I'll start. (TW:...

He had something wrong with him...where he couldn't see. It seemed like there was some leakage? I only knew because I had to get up close and personal with it. Envy One time a bit was sticking out. Shock I drew the line at that.

I probably should've told him. Maybe it was something serious. Shock Perhaps I should somehow let him know. Grin

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 12/02/2020 13:27

Op you dated and had sex with a guy who constantly had shit all over his arse? And you licked it? Jeezo.

Mammyloveswine · 12/02/2020 13:28

I still can't get over this thread...

gamerchick · 12/02/2020 13:30

Is this a poo troll variation? I can't believe anyone would willingly lick a shitty arsehole. Hmm

Pinnacular · 12/02/2020 13:33

This thread has had me boaking. So grim. Some men need health warnings lasered onto their foreheads. Women - up your standards!

Kittykat93 · 12/02/2020 13:35

I just don't think I believe this. I don't want to believe this!!!!!

pollysproggle · 12/02/2020 13:36

I met the perfect man once! So much in common, funny, good looking, made me roll over with laughter, wanted all the things I wanted, all my friends loved him, used to take me on the most extraordinary dates and was just amazing all round...
...except, during sex he used to repeatedly say 'oh yeah, oh yeah, ohhhh yeeeeeah' and I just couldn't do it anymore.
We stayed Facebook friends and he's married now with two kids, looks like a lovely lady and they're very happy but when a pic of them pops up I always wonder how she puts up with it, or maybe she likes it?!

Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 13:37

Marmitey? Why couldn't he wipe his arse properly!

@Alidalivali Going by the 'fudge' incident, I think this must be something he has happen between times. Confused

Trying to think of something to contribute. I had an ex whose feet sweated and smelled so bad that his shoes rotted from the inside?

Shock Shock Yes, that definitely counts.

@Kittykat93 @gamerchick I'm a people pleaser. Grin The psychologist asked last week 'Did you ever do things you didn't want to do to try and keep a friend?' Being a therapist, the ex knew all this and enjoyed milking it of course.

I need to practice saying 'No.' Smile

OP posts:
ShellsandSand · 12/02/2020 13:46

I've heard of the word 'winnet' of course but I call them clinkers. Unfortunately I gave my DH a rim job a few years ago and felt a clinker in my mouth. He was completely mortified but I was cracked up. He's actually the cleanest man I've ever met showers twice daily, spends half hour brushing his teeth, wet wipes after BM ect, he must have just dropped the ball this time Grin he said he never wanted me to do it again cos of the shame. Didn't phase me as it was an unfortunate incident and I know hes not a grot bag.

Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 13:56

except, during sex he used to repeatedly say 'oh yeah, oh yeah, ohhhh yeeeeeah' and I just couldn't do it anymore.

@pollysproggle I had one that said 'Ooooh Yess' In a voice like the Churchill dog. I don't think it was deliberate. Grin

@ShellsandSand We're troopers, taking it for the team. Grin I'm glad you felt able to mention it. Did you get out of rim jobs for life? I'd pay good money for that. Smile

OP posts:
BercowsFlyingFlamingo · 12/02/2020 14:02

Thank god no one has ever asked me for a rim job 🤢
Crystallised urine under the foreskin was grim though. I have a vague and unpleasant memory of knob cheese from my teens too. I'm happily single now but if dating would only date those who shower daily.

ShellsandSand · 12/02/2020 14:11

@Interestedwoman yeah he doesn't want them, they weren't really his bag to begin with it was me that instigated it. I would do it again if he wanted it. Like I say though ordinarily he is exceptionally clean, I would not cope with the fudge/marmite situation. That'd be a deal breaker for me and I couldn't get past it to even engage in sex/convo with him again. You must be traumatised.

Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 14:22

You must be traumatised.

It sounds funny, but recently, now I've dumped him, I had flashbacks of his poo-marmitey arse for a few days. Part of it was that it was symbolically humiliating, if you see what I mean. That narc probably got off on having someone literally licking his arse.

It was like the time I was chatting to him about something, and he said 'that's good now suck my c*.' Such a lack of respect. If anyone's ever like that to me in future, I like to think I'll tell them to f. off.

I was worried briefly that the arse thing might've scarred me for life. But now I've realised that as I blocked him on everything, it's a big f* you, it's a complete rejection of everything I ever did.

OP posts:
ShellsandSand · 12/02/2020 14:35

@Interestedwoman

That is unbelievable. I agree, I honestly think he was lacking respect for you rather than wanting to engage in a sex act that you can both enjoy. Good for you that you realise that and you can speak openly about it. He sounds like a horrible person. I'm glad you've binned him.

Patroclus · 12/02/2020 14:41

Im taking comfort in the thought that OP actually only fucked him up the arse and didnt actually lick him.

Patroclus · 12/02/2020 14:43

Oh. You did lick it.

Zaphodsotherhead · 12/02/2020 14:44

Aaaand this thread is just one reason I am happily single. I think, should I threaten to weaken, I should print this out, laminate it and put it somewhere I will see it every day (like inside the fridge).

Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 14:44

@Patroclus Nope Sad

I did everything for that man. I was a performing seal. No more. Smile

OP posts:
BuzzShitbagBobbly · 12/02/2020 14:47

Do you (I can't believe I am typing this but here we are) think he deliberately pushed a bit out, given his massive dickhead power trip personality?

PixieRabbit · 12/02/2020 14:48

I’ve been single quite a long time now, and mumsnet reminds me daily why I should probably never go near a man again.

Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 14:58

hink he deliberately pushed a bit out, given his massive dickhead power trip personality?

@BuzzShitbagBobbly Nothing would surprise me with that man!

@PixieRabbit me too lol, I thought I wouldn't want anyone for a while, but there's already someone with whom there's a slight flirty frisson Shock He has a girlfriend tho, so being a bit flirty shows he's another rotter, I suppose.

OP posts:
myidentitymycrisis · 12/02/2020 15:05

I recently spent the weekend with my DP (STBX?).
I saw him come out of the bathroom after peeing; he was wearing just joggers and squeezed his dick through his trousers to wipe it off ifyswim.

Sitting in his car waiting for him I reached into the back seat, where there are always several bottles of mineral water, and picked up an empty bottle with the narrow neck cut off, guess what that was for?

Patroclus · 12/02/2020 15:07

car pissing or crack smoking? car pissing is worse

myidentitymycrisis · 12/02/2020 15:30

Car pissing, I sniffed

tiddlerthefish · 12/02/2020 15:59

I once dated a man who bit his fingernails, and then spat them on the floor of his car, drivers side.

I went to get in his car once, stood on them and had to ask him what the fuck it was. There was enough of them that there was a literal crunchy carpet of bitten nails. I was so shocked I even took a photo.

Worse, I married him. He doesn't do it anymore, I told him at the time he was a disgusting pig, made him hoover it out and he packed it in! There are no nail bitings anywhere in our home or cars. Ugh.

Gross.

Mammyloveswine · 12/02/2020 17:23

Jesus Christ this gets worse...I am weirdly entertained though!

I once had an ex with a tiny penis and he used to try and his thumb also...! He also had a hideous sex face, really put me off my stride Blush