Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tell me some disturbing/wrong things about your exes (maybe lighthearted)

118 replies

Interestedwoman · 11/02/2020 18:43

Hi all,

Please could you tell me some disturbing/wrong things about your exes?

I'll start. (TW:...

He had something wrong with him...where he couldn't see. It seemed like there was some leakage? I only knew because I had to get up close and personal with it. Envy One time a bit was sticking out. Shock I drew the line at that.

I probably should've told him. Maybe it was something serious. Shock Perhaps I should somehow let him know. Grin

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/02/2020 07:08

At night he'd have a shower and put his work clothes on and sleep in them, so in the morning all he had to do was brush his teeth and leave the house

Yuck
!!!! All over the sheets Envy

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/02/2020 07:10

Grew weed and obsessively smoked weed
So house stank , and weed kit everywhere

Also lay on sofa a lot and watched a lot of those container war programmes

Bananalanacake · 12/02/2020 07:51

Thanks to this I will stop whinging about my DP getting through a whole loo roll a day, at least he's clean.

HalfBloodPrincess · 12/02/2020 07:56

He called it chips and fish

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/02/2020 08:12

He was too sensitive.

He thought he was hilarious when he genuinely wasnt.

He had a tiny cock.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/02/2020 08:13

And he was tight

PixieRabbit · 12/02/2020 08:53

If he wanted you to lick his bum hole, maybe he thought he would tempt you by placing an actual piece of chocolate fudge there...?

I’m glad you’re no longer with him. He sounds gross. I’m really sorry you went through that. Low self-esteem can put us in (and have us endure to our detriment) some horrible situations.

Oxfordnono12 · 12/02/2020 08:56

OMG the update.. I would have vomited all over him. An the fact you actually wiped it.. No.. just no!!

I hope you've learned to say no.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 12/02/2020 10:33

I really need more replies on this thread if only because I don't want to keep seeing Pixie's "bum hole" comment when I scan "threads I'm on"!

Tell me some disturbing/wrong things about your exes (maybe lighthearted)
Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 11:22

If he wanted you to lick his bum hole, maybe he thought he would tempt you by placing an actual piece of chocolate fudge there...?

@PixieRabbit Lol! That could've worked, actually. Or at least been an improvement.

It's not right for his bum to be doing that, is it? Confused I should've told him, then he could've gone to his GP. That one time there was the fudge stick, the rest of the time the colour of his bum cheeks was 'marmitey.' Envy

@PrincessHoneysuckle I feel you- my ex had a tiny and dysfunctional cock. He thought me and his other lover didn't mind, but we were either being polite or in denial (maybe we had to be to cope.) Grin

OP posts:
Hepsibar · 12/02/2020 11:39

Funny when you look back ...
*Used to wash his hands compulsively ... my mother said it was guilt!

*Another sent flowers to a mutual friend on St V's day, and none to me ... "She needed cheering up as she had been finished with recently."
*This same one would give my best friend a lift home from work, (they worked in the same room) but we were in the same building ... but never me ... "She lives further away than you!"
*Used to take calls from his Nanny and it was her, I could hear, all the time!
*The same one, on letting him have a key to my home, came back and found he let some horrible male friend in also.
*The same one used to tell me tales about how his friend put sugar in the tank of his ex girlfriend's car when she finished with him.

Joyous days!

Whynosnowyet · 12/02/2020 11:50

Tmi alert...
When me and exh had split but I was still living in the house but sleeping in the conservatory - with a new dc - while he had the bedroom - I needed some clothes from in there. Door was ajar and the entitled twat was w into a pair of my good pj's!! At the crucial moment I burst in and asked had he quite finished!!
I had to bin the pj's obviously...

Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 12:02

@Whynosnowyet Aargh! Men!

OP posts:
wobblywinelover · 12/02/2020 12:06

This is up there with the penis beaker thread! !

PixieRabbit · 12/02/2020 12:28

Soz BuzzShitbagBobbly ANUS is what I should have said.

PixieRabbit · 12/02/2020 12:29

He should have kept an anus beaker by the bed.

Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 12:41

He should have kept an anus beaker by the bed.

@PixieRabbit LOL! Grin Grin Grin he'd need an anus bowl to get at the whole smeary area. And he's a big guy (except where it counts.)

OP posts:
BuzzShitbagBobbly · 12/02/2020 12:43

pixie "Soz BuzzShitbagBobbly ANUS is what I should have said."

Somehow I don't think you are taking my bum hole issues 100% seriously!

Roomba · 12/02/2020 13:05

Jesus. I thought my ex was weird for keeping years worth of his toenail clippings in a glass jar! That's positively endearing compared to some of these prince's among men...

(No idea why the hell my ex began keeping his toenail clippings 15 years ago. He said he might use them to make an artwork or something one day! Eww. I asked his current wife if he still did it - she shuddered, roll her eyes and said 'Yep. What the hell is that all about?')

Original poster
Interestedwoman · 12/02/2020 13:11

@Roomba ! Shock Envy

OP posts:
thesuninsagittarius · 12/02/2020 13:13

Christ alive! I am never going out with a man again. What even...

PixieRabbit · 12/02/2020 13:16

Anyone’s bum hole issues can be sorted out with tweezers, blow torch and sandpaper. Followed with cooling “finish” from the anus beaker/bowl. (Or a spray from the mister for your mister.)

Honestly, trust me I’m a doctor. Cutting costs for the NHS since 2010.

Alidalivali · 12/02/2020 13:18

Oh fucking hell, this thread. Envy Marmitey? Why couldn't he wipe his arse properly!

Trying to think of something to contribute. I had an ex whose feet sweated and smelled so bad that his shoes rotted from the inside?

OrlandoInTheWilderness · 12/02/2020 13:21

Oh dear god. Vile. Utterly vile!!!

BercowsFlyingFlamingo · 12/02/2020 13:23

The long toe nails and crusted sleep by his eyes despite a shower just pale into significance on reading this thread.