Life of trauma

[Neverending2020]

Is there anyone else who has gone through life experiencing trauma after trauma after trauma? Who has always tried to do the right thing - be a good child, study, work hard, pay your bills etc but due to circumstances beyond your control has just never had peace?

Yep and it can feel so unfair sometimes. But one positive I take from it is I’m tough as old boots!

I'm tough too. I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder how I've survived. There's never been a period of my life free of extreme trauma. I've never had peace. Some people seem to get such a bad hand.

Yup life is just so unfair. I actually wish I was someone else sometimes!!!

I did yes but I managed to get away from the people causing and then exacerbating it. Life is significantly better now. Not perfect but my triggers are a lot more manageable and I bounce back quicker than I did while I still had those situations in my life.

Yes. I keep going 😅

Yes. It's hard.

Yep. Sometimes I think if I wrote a book nobody would believe all the things that have happened in my life.

I try to see the positive; that I can get through pretty much anything even though it's hard and that all the bad things have lead me to where I am. It's hard not to feel like the world is against me some days though.

I'm kind of bored of all the details now. Blah blah blah, on it goes

I'm dedicated to enjoying myself. Life is shit so you may as well enjoy yourself. I really do focus on this - I enjoy everything I do or I don't do it (within reason lol).

Same, about the book. People would think it was far fetched.

And yes, tough as old boots. I have to be really careful to have patience with others in everyday life, and remember that not knowing what it is like to face adversity is generally considered a good thing.

We should get awards. I'd like to get a gown and applause and letters after (or before) my name with all I've been through. PhD, surely?

I'm fucking amazing!

Yes me ! It is very hard and I would like a break . My life has seemingly been a series of hurdles I have to clear , once I clear it I am onto the next one with no end and no reward

Yep I’m right there with you too. I honestly thought my life was getting better and then a couple of years ago it got totally trashed again.

The worst part is the people who think it must be our fault somehow, that we’re bringing it on ourselves.

We’re not. The nature of being vulnerable is that bad things will happen to you through absolutely no fault of your own which make you more vulnerable to more harm in the future.

Also just f*cking bad luck. There’s that too.

NeverEnding - an interesting question.

I think, possibly from the outside, I look OK.

I think I've had a life of real struggle. Poor health, random men, unsupportive family, finances, jobs, everything. I look at people with happy, settled relationships, nice houses and meaningful jobs sometimes as another species. And like NamesTAken sometimes I think I could write a book ...

Its only recently things seem to have been looking up, not sure why. I think I've realised I'm different. I've had some fun times too as a result of that as well, even if I couldn't bring it to what is considered normal, mature respectability. At the moment I am getting quite alot of enjoyment and satisfaction from doing and thinking about things I want to do.

And I think withgrace you have made a good point - once you are vulnerable in a couple of important areas of your life, you become even more vulnerable to harm in others. The only exception is if you have a very strong spiritual centre, when you can cope much better. But my view is that alot of trauma can make you more exposed spiritually with no or little protection. But this can strengthen, and then perhaps better things happen. Maybe too late for the normal kind of secure happiness though ...

Me too!
I’m looking incredulously at all these people telling me how amazing I’m doing, how strong I am and all I can think of is: who is this person you’re talking about?

Yep, diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Therapists and Psychiatric Drs don’t really know what to do with me as things are exactly that - complex. A lifetime of intertwining trauma. I dedicated a whole night to writing out a detailed timeline of events. It was difficult to do and horrific to look at it lay out in front of me, pages of a4 paper cellotaped together in a line across my living room floor...but it’s clear to see why I am so fucked up. I have a miserable, pathetic existence but must carry on for my children.

I’m sad to hear there are others in the same boat.

Yes, sexual abuse in childhood, bullied at school, domestic abuse in adulthood, freak accidents where I very nearly died, break-ins, it seems to never end. I'm 36. The NHS psychologist I saw 6 years ago seems to think I don't have ptsd in spite of all this shit Been referred for psychoanalytic psychotherapy and told I can't go to trauma services instead :(

Yes, you couldn't make it up, my life over the last ten years. I now think I'm suffering with cPTSD, very vulnerable.

Has anyone had any therapy treatment that they think has helped? I need to do something as the impact on my wellbeing and ability to function under stress is still significant, and not in a good way...

OMG totally! since January 2013 it’s been freakin constant. I just think Surely the next thing will just tip me over into that nervous breakdown that has threatened on many occasions over the years...

I have cPTSD from the loss of my mum when I was a child, the emotional neglect that followed and being in a vile long-term relationship with a narcissist! I would highly recommend Schema therapy.

One of the most moving threads I've ever read 😢
Love and hugs to you all.

I've had a lot of therapy which helped.

I think I have to accept though that the damage is done to a certain extent and, although I can enjoy a lovely quality of life now, I can't really function out there in the rough and tumble. An invisible disability if you like. I have a great time though!

I also have a faith, largely because of the despair that horrors seemed to ravage me at every turn - wtf was going on?!? My faith is now a huge solace to me and puts my suffering into historical, spiritual perspective.

I'm also part of a 12-step fellowship for an addiction (self medicating, anyone?) and I really do rate 12-step. It does seem to address the extremes of a very difficult life.

Incidentally, there is a 12-step fellowship for 'adult children' ie adults who suffered abuse as children. It was initially set up for adult children of alcoholics but it's now recognised that the damage can be just as bad from dysfunctional families. It's ACOA.

Ime I, and many like me, have had to carve out our own recovery from a bad start in life (and subsequent endless bad shit that seems to follow us around..). I've met many people like me and that in itself is a solace.

I'm sorry for so much suffering on this thread

Yep 👍 I hear you. Lost my brother when we were children which coloured my whole childhood. Lost my best friend to cancer when we were 14 and I lost my little boy a few years ago followed by lots of miscarriages. What the F did I ever do to draw that deck of cards!

Blimey, yes. As far as I am aware started pretty much at birth and with fluctuations along the way, has been ongoing for nearly 40 years.
I think it's the impact it has had on " normal" daily life I get most down about now.