Dating site recommendations?

[Daet]

I’m sort of dipping a toe in at my advanced age! I’m 55 and the only site I’ve tried so far is Match. It’s probably a reflection of my age but I’ve found it dire - so depressing! Does anyone have any suggestions or am I destined to die lonely?! Thank you,

I’m sad that many of us are finding it so disheartening! It’s very true that you need a thick skin and to not take anything personally - but that’s easier said than done.

I want companionship too but I also want some passion and excitement and interest. I was very happily married until my husband died, but he’d been ill for many years. So no sex and very little excitement as sadly it wasn’t possible.

Good luck to us all, we mustn’t give up hope!

I am on Hinge - and it’s brilliant!

You can get ‘liked’ by a man but they can’t message you - you have to message first. That means you can quickly delete those that don’t interest you. You can like and message anyone.

I’m 48, been on there less than 3 weeks and am enjoying it

That sounds promising Freefalling, glad its going well for you. May have a look ...

One man has just asked me how I pay my bills. I’m strangely offended! Should I be or am I being precious?!

Daet, that is a strange one and no idea how to interperet that message :)
I may take a look at Hinge, but I imagine it is the same old...
I have stuck with pof for yonks and no I do not message first, men do seem to have some initiative and message first but it is always the wrong ones. I do sometimes think I should be more proactive, but after 5 minutes I have had enough.

How you pay your bills!! Weird. No! I’d be offended as it’s nothing to do with him!! Obviously wantS to see if your solvent. I may give hinge a go too then. I looked at the website but can’t log in as there’s a problem so will try later. Daet, it was easier in our day to meet someone wasn’t it? We need to keep going but for how long! That’s why I’d thought I’d have some fun whilst waiting! Chin up! Keep posting 🌹

He's just trying to ask in a quirky way what your job is, it's not offensive

Oh I see that now! My mistake.

I'm a 59 year old guy and joined Freedating some 3 years ago, over the first 6 months, I met three women, none of which I had a connection with, so I tried Fitness Singles for 6 months, I never even got a conversation going with anyone on that site. So I tried Match, set my age limits between 52 and 60 and non smoking, the only females who contacted me were over 66 and smoked, do the filters not work or do people not read my profile?

hunky sorry you’re not having more luck. I think the filters must be a bit hit and miss - I’ve had people outside the age and distance limits I set contacting me. But I also think that, as you questioned, lots of people don’t bother reading the profiles. And there are those who do read them, but disregard them anyway!

Freefalling, I tried to get onto Hinge, bit it’s telling me it’s out of order so to speak.. I’m doing it on my iPad, am I supposed to do it on my phone? Thanks.

Did you manage to get on to Hinge Redland?

My old failures continue! Was chatting to a man who asked me for my number on Thursday so we could WhatsApp. And I’ve heard nothing since! And one man who matched me actually seemed quite promising, so I matched him back, sent a message, and yes you’ve guessed, nothing!

Hello. No I didnt, it asks for your mobile but when you put it in and press continue it says error try later! How annoying for you! Why do they do it? What’s the point? I just don’t get it! I’ll let you know how I get on when eventually can.

Redland, yes do let me know. I’m losing the will!

Is it like this for most people - I seem to get quite a few people picking me in their daily selection, but it rarely goes further. That could be because I don’t match back (that’s mostly the case), or I do match back but I don’t message first and so never hear anything, or I do match back and DO message first - but still never hear anything!

Like you Daet, I get lots of hits but they are just not suitable, I put my age limit on but I get 70/80 years! When they look at my profile why on earth don’t they look at the age i am looking for!!!!

Hi
36 year old male here , been on match for a week or 2 . From a male perspective I’m no good at one liners and come across a bit awkward. Sent some messages but no replies ever... Probably average but not ugly , honest about my life and just a down to earth guy. Guessing women receive dozens of emails .Just looking for mrs right , never sure how to stand out without looking fake or lying. Any advice?

kop1983 I would make sure you have a full profile. The men that attract me put lots of information as opposed to 'will fill this in later'. This makes me think a guy is articulate and we will have things to talk about. For me it's not about looks but if I can communicate with him. Hope this helps a bit?

Hi , thanks . Yes it does help . Funny enough I was told that I had to much information, a bit wordy. Suppose it’s getting the balance . Think my main problem is the first message , many are read they don’t even look at my profile . Read online about different messages , I know the normal “how are you “ messages must get annoying. Some of the suggestions online are so cheesy, and just not me.

55 here too and trying to decide if I should try OLD. I look fine, divorced 5 years ago, solvent, own home, plenty of interests etc etc when I tried Match a couple of years ago the first man to message me was 78!
Not sure I can bear to try again.
The few men I know who try OLD say it is as bad for them, how can that be?

It is tricky. I like wordy but maybe some ladies don't. I don't mind the how are you messages personally, I write those myself! I will always look at a man's profile if I get a message, and that generally gives me an idea if I'm interested. Plus some of the how are you introductions have led to great chats!

I'm gld i'm not the only one finding it shit online. As an experiment i messaged 7 matches on tinder at once today to see if any of them would reply. Not a one. Male and female. I just don't get it. If you look through someone's profile and think actually they're gross, then surely you just unmatch?! So i had 7 of them just sitting there ignoring my messages but leaving me up as a match. For what? The ego boost?! Having said that my paid subscription ran out today so that could have been an issue. Possibly.

I'm glad i did it though because quitr often when i get a match i'm thinking "they haven't messaged. But i haven't messages them either. Perhaps they're thinking the same about me." And now i know they're not. Assuming they're real people to begin with.

Kop it’s a difficult balance I think. The very wordy profiles I get about half way through and get bored. I know that sounds awful but it’s a bit like very over-detailed cvs I think, I just automatically switch off.

There are also certain phrases which turn me off completely, eg “no drama”, “glass half full”, “university of life”, “work hard, play hard” etc. There’s nothing wrong with the phrases themselves but they’re just so cliched somehow. I don’t like profiles where instructions are issued either. I can’t think of any examples now but there’ve been a few where I’ve thought “controlling or what?!”

I don’t know about other women but I wouldn’t say I’m inundated - more of a steady trickle! I don’t like the very brief profiles either where they say “will fill in later” or “just ask”. Makes me think they can’t be bothered. Having said that, my profile is fairly scant! The ones I like best are the ones that make me laugh.

awishes we sound as if we’re in a very similar boat. Do try again - it is disheartening, but how else to meet someone? The experienced on-line daters all say it’s a numbers game and to keep at it!

I tried reading the long running dating threads but it seems people on there have no trouble attracting “irons” or getting dates. Or have I got the wrong impression from my skimming?!

Ah Ruffle (love your name!) it’s shit isn’t it?! I always think that they’ve obviously found someone better - this is hard on your confidence. I mean, that may not be the case of course, but it’s the logical conclusion.

Never thought I'd need this thread again.

The other thing I think I might need help with is thinking I’m not good enough! So sometimes I see someone who I think is good looking and fun and interesting but I swipe left because I just assume they’ll not be interested in me. And then I look at some of the ones who are interested in me, and they don’t seem to be suffering from a similar lack of confidence. Anyone else find this?

Oh Ohio I’m sorry you’re here :(. Solidarity in numbers maybe?