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Original poster

Dating site recommendations?

238 replies

Daet · 07/02/2020 18:53

I’m sort of dipping a toe in at my advanced age! I’m 55 and the only site I’ve tried so far is Match. It’s probably a reflection of my age but I’ve found it dire - so depressing! Does anyone have any suggestions or am I destined to die lonely?! Thank you,

OP posts:
okiedokieme · 25/02/2020 07:12

Can I just say stick with it and be bold. Men very rarely message first, there's a lot of men just after casual dating out there and most lie BUT there's men genuinely looking for love too. After 4 months (and tears including crying to my stbexh how he caused me to be having to do this) I met my now dp, yes I messaged first! We are moving in together soon.

My advice is to read between the lines, if they are 45+ and haven't had at least one significant relationship (over 10 years) that should set off alarm bells, also video chat before you meet so you can ensure the photos are correct (ish) I had men lying about their age, they were over 70 but claiming to be 50.

ShatnersWig · 25/02/2020 07:55

They're all equally as shit.

Unless you live in a city, in which case the numbers are better. But they're still shit.

Original poster
Daet · 25/02/2020 08:58

mermaid thanks for your message and good luck! On match it seems to disregard the age and distance settings I chose, one man lived in France!

okie thank you - I’ll follow your advice and keep at it for a bit longer! Lovely to hear about your success.

Shatners I’m sorry you’ve not had a good experience of them. I’ve only tried match so far and I’m not blown away it must be said!

OP posts:
VistaOfFreedom · 25/02/2020 15:58

It all sounds par for the course to me! Certainly don't take it personally! Flowers

Mermaidwaves · 25/02/2020 16:24

OP yes I've been matched with one in France too even though my setting is 25 miles! I recommend messaging guys first too as in 99% of my dates it's been me who initiates. However saying that as I'm still looking this might tell me something! Nothing ventured nothing gained though eh!

Original poster
Daet · 25/02/2020 19:21

Well tonight’s date was a no-show. Which is fine as I wasn’t right bothered, and we’d arranged to meet fairly locally. But - how long would it have taken him to message saying he wasn’t coming?!

OP posts:
Redland12 · 25/02/2020 22:47

Hey! As I said Bumble is working for me. But my God it’s dire out there.

Mermaidwaves · 25/02/2020 22:54

I'm so sorry to hear that OP, it is absolutely brutal out there. Flowers for you

Original poster
Daet · 25/02/2020 23:33

Redland have you got any dates lined up? My friend met someone just before Xmas but she’d been OLD for about a year I think. She had an incredible amount of dates, at least one a week I’d say. Don’t know what her secret was - she says she doesn’t either!

Thank you mermaid for the flowers :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Daet · 25/02/2020 23:35

Mermaid which sites are you trying? Wondering if the France man is the same one for both of us!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daet · 25/02/2020 23:35

Oh ignore me, just remembered you said OKCupid!

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 25/02/2020 23:48

Daet your description of the message you received made me laugh.
Redland12, that is how it is when you first post your profile, it goes crazy as you are fresh blood. It can all seem exciting and promising initially, but you will soon learn. Wishing you luck regardless.

crimsonlake · 25/02/2020 23:50

Mermaidwaves, message guys first? Perish the thought...I am too lazy.

Mermaidwaves · 26/02/2020 00:25

I know! 😂 if I don't though I never receive messages and it all seems pointless. But I'm not sure if it's good advice because non of them have worked out! Maybe it's best to be messaged first then you know theyre interested. I'm curious to see what other people have experienced.

Redland12 · 26/02/2020 07:32

Morning ladies. Yes I have got a date lined up but please don’t judge me as it’s only for sex. I also prefer younger guys. I have absolutely no problem attracting them so I’m going to have some fun. Men my age are no for me. Crimsonlake I totally get the fresh blood bit.

Chocolate123 · 26/02/2020 08:35

I think they are all fairly similar. Me personally preferred bumble or tinder as they had to swipe too. Although many men have told me they swipe for everyone!! One thing I will say is grow a thick skin and take nothing personally. Have a look on the dating thread here it's great full of tips and support.

crimsonlake · 26/02/2020 11:38

Redland12, I cannot imagine meeting anyone just for sex :) but good for you.
Mermaidwaves, I am lazy and just check in for messages. I too feel that if they were interested they would message first so leave it at that.
I have been old for quite some time now and at first like Redland12 was innundated, now I liken myself to stale bread.
I very rarely get messaged by anyone who I find remotely attractive and I know all about bad photos...but some of them??
They say like attracts like, I hate to be vain and describe myself as quite attractive and good for my age, but basically I am.
I had not realised Bumble and Ok cupid were free sites so I might give those a whirl, however from past experiences on Match you tend to find the same people on there.
Good luck everyone, I think we need it.

Redland12 · 26/02/2020 19:25

Hey! OMG! When they are 20 year plus younger it’s fantastic! We both get what we want. No one hurt!

Original poster
Daet · 26/02/2020 23:18

Good on you Redland, I hope you have loads of fun! I don’t think I could go for someone who was more than about 10 years than me. I’d be too worried about measuring up to expectations. And if they were interested in me as an older woman because they thought I could show them a thing or two - they’d be very disappointed! When is your date?

Crimson I had thought I was ok for my age too, but this old stuff is making me question that! I like your stale bread comparison but I bet you’re not at all stale!

The messaging first thing is a bit of a quandary! I don’t mind doing it at all, but like mermaid and crimson, I also think if they were that bothered, they’d do it first! That’s one of the reasons I haven’t tried Bumble yet!

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 26/02/2020 23:22

OP I hated Bumble! I get that it's designed to protect women more from sleazy guys but it made me feel a bit of an idiot Confused hardly anyone swiped me back, and the ones that did didn't reply to my messages. I didn't have one conversation there! It made me feel terrible about myself. At least on OK cupid you can message each other without having to do the dreaded swiping match thing.

Redland12 · 27/02/2020 07:45

Thanks Daet. I don’t worry about their expectations, the younger guys I’ve been with have been very experienced. Age has not come into it at all. Must admit I find it very exciting and to be honest they have all been really nice guys. It’s up to me to set a date, I’m in Europe at the moment so can’t do a lot about it . May give OK Cupid a go.

crimsonlake · 27/02/2020 12:48

Daet, my heart just sinks when I see who has messaged me. If it is a numbers game I think my number is up.
Mermaidwaves, after reading this thread I have registered with Bumble as I am sure someone said it was free, maybe I am doing something wrong but it keeps asking me to pay for various things.
OKcupid must be a paying site as it will not reveal anyones faces unless I pay a fee?? At this rate I could be spending a fortune which I am not prepared to do.
I have tried Match over the years, but I do not think paying sites are any better than free and again you still find the same people on both.
Redland12, stay safe and have fun. The thought of younger men thinking I could teach them a thing or two holds no appeal to me.
I am looking for a relationship...not someone who will move in and take over my life. Companionship is important, although I need that spark and it is proving very elusive.

Mermaidwaves · 27/02/2020 13:25

Yes both Bumble and OK Cupid are sneaky because they are both technically free but to see who likes you, you have to pay Hmm OK cupid you can like, swipe and message men for free and they can do the same to you, but unless you pay you won't see who's liked you, you have to wait for them to message. Bumble is the same. Problem is if neither member has paid you won't be able to see each other!

crimsonlake · 27/02/2020 14:41

Mermaidwaves, thanks for that, really not sure if I have the energy for this given I actually have to message first :)

Sally99 · 27/02/2020 14:56

I tried EHarmony as a friend met someone on there but the only men in my age bracket (about 4) were 60 miles away which is too far with my working hours etc.

The Telegraph had quite a few nice men but none of them messaged me over the month I was on it. As I'm only a secretary I thought maybe I wasn't academic enough for any of them.

I went on Muddy Matches but when I looked at the women in my age range who I'd be competing with, I thought it was a waste of time as they are all gorgeous.