How do I get him to leave?

[Runbikeswim]

House in my name but we 'bought it together' 3 years ago although turned out as I was selling my house to buy something with him jointly that he had no deposit and couldn't get a mortgage because of credit card debt

So, house in my name, mortgage in my name. We have paid half each every month since buying it for 3 years. I put a 40% deposit down and I agreed verbally for him to buy into the remaining 60% half each as we went. If we split up I said I'd freeze his contribution till the house was sold when I want to sell it - it's mine and my kids house.

Annnyway. He drinks to much, is selfish and largely unsupportive, earns upward of 100k a year and I see none of it. All ploughing into himself, his debts, his kids who are non resident and god knows what else. Won't even buy bloody food half the time.

I want him to go I'm sick of it. He is a classic narc.

How do I get him to move out. He is refusing and wants his money. I feel really angry and a bit scared

I would get a solicitor involved.

From your post he has no legal right for any money from the house with nothing being in his name ?

Is he the father of you DC ?

I don't want to give you any advice, as I'm not a specialist in the area. But I really hope you get it sorted.

You aren’t married? Wait till he goes to work, pack up his stuff, put it on the doorstep, change the locks. Get legal advice, he can do the same, be prepared to buy him out now so you can sever contact permanently.

Hmm no he is not the father of my DC and we are not married. He is still married to his ex they haven't divorced even though we have been together 7 years!!

He is being really difficult and has a lot of stuff here. He would get super angry if I boxed his stuff up - I'm not sure I would dare.

def see a solicitor. might be different here in scotland but I'm sure I was told partners after a certain time do have rights to property if they have paid in to the mortgage or upkeep of the house i.e. split Bill's etc.

Not really sure what you mean by 'buy him out'...? Paying his mortgage payments back you mean? How much has he contributed?
If he hasn't paid towards other stuff like bills ect...couldn't you count that towards those? In which case, you're maybe even.

Change the locks when he is out and drop his stuff round his mums.

Paying towards the mortgage was his ‘rent’ he can fuck off!

Get him removed. He has no right to be there. Lucky escape he’s still married and you’re not married to him.

Do see a solicitor about getting him removed.

Sounds like he paid rent. If he won’t leave call the police. House is in your name you don’t want him on your property the police can remove him.

Only legal advice is going to give you the confidence you need to get rid of him. Come back and say what they said then posters can help you with practicalities and safety issues or even questioning the validity of said legal advice. I don't think verbal agreements hold much sway, your ownership sounds pretty solid plus you have dependents. Keep on being strong, you will get there.

You need professional legal advice.
Don’t believe anything your partner says.

Thanks everyone.

Im making heavy weather of it as I'm a bit scarred because when my marriage ended 12 years ago my then husband got me by the neck and I fled the house with my then babies and he wouldn't let me back in for three months. I was traumatised. Also he (current partner) is VERY entitled and territorial. I have told him I would like him to move out he said how cheeky and patronising.

I'm not in Scotland so hopefully it would just be seen as rent. I know that's what he puts against it in his bank account transfer into my account each month.

He does pay half of the bills except food / he buys his own helps himself to mine quite often as we fell out because he didn't want to subsidise my children.

Legal advice here is £400 an hour 😬
Maybe I should go to citizens advice ?

Honestly I'd just pay him out and get him gone. Life's too short.

The facts as I understand them: You've had the house three years. You agreed (but only verbally, not with a property relationship agreement) that you would share half the 60% with him, i.e. he is paying toward a 30% share of the net equity developed in the intervening period.

So what you need to do is work out what it would take to pay him out. It may not be much. Ignore what you've paid in interest on the mortgage, this is an operating expense and it has for all intents and purposes been a shared expense. This expense is sunk, let it go.

Work out the net equity in the home when you bought it (this is easy, it's the purchase price less the deposit)
Work out the net equity in the home now (get three market valuations, one appointed by you, one appointed by him, one appointed by an agreed neutral party. Take the median estimate. Then deduct the remaining principal of your mortgage).

What's the increase in equity in that time? Say you've increased the equity in the home by a thousand pounds in three years. According to your verbal arrangement you're owed 70% of this; he's owed 30%. If you've increased the net equity by a thousand pounds you owe him 300 pounds.

It's probably the case that what you owe him isn't too much. Who paid what in running the home is not relevant to a court in this sort of case. There's a strong possibility that you'll be found to have made a contract together even though it was verbal. You really don't want to take this one to court, it'll cost you time, money and energy. Just get him gone.

lol toque need to do is box up his stuff and change the locks.

He has no rights to be in your house.

You don’t owe him a penny.

Smile and wave.

Give him 4 weeks notice via text to find alternative accommodation and then change the locks.

You can always call the police if you feel uneasy.

Thanks Guineapigbridge ( I ❤️ guinea pigs and have three 😀)

I do just want to give him some money and get him to go away.

Yes that's how I have calculated it. Trouble is house has gone up by over £120 k in three years 😬😬😬😬 and I have no actual money cos am single parent paying a mortgage and working my arse off 😬😬😬😬

I think I should offer him something but maybe just offer to refund him the money he has paid in whennn bin I do eventually sell - aka the rent - which is less than the calculated equity if we sold today - but at least he will have lived here for free for three years. House prices might go down again anyway and I'm not actually selling now as can't afford to.

Or I take the more risky boxing up smile and wave approach

This is epic for me I've been trying to end it for a year and he just ignores me and says I need to make sure I'm not just having a mood swing followed by love bombing

God he sounds like my exH. Thank goodness you aren't married. He would be entitled to something, but who has contributed and how much comes into play as long as you aren't married.
Can you extend the mortgage to get him out? If you can't afford it, you can't afford it - not much he can do about that!
Many solicitors offer a free 30 min consultation - you could try that just to get a real idea of things.

It isn't quite as simple as saying he has no rights given the information provided. You need to see a solicitor and get proper advice. A friend of a friend had to pay back money to her ex when he moved out as he had been under the impression he was paying towards the mortgage. Has he ever had anything in writing that could be seen this way?

I don't know the ins and outs of my friend of a friend case but definitely get proper legal advice to be sure

FFS box up his junk and change the locks while he's at work. He's paid rent so he can get to fuck.

The advice given to women would be he owns the house. He can kick you out at any time and would owe you nothing.

Stop being nice and fair to arsehole men who screw you over leaving you homeless and destituteand think nothing of it.

Kick his arse out and let him take you to court.

It is as simple to remove him as you make it, he has no right to be there. He may seek legal action with regards to the money he put into the mortgage...but if he does, it'll be after he's outa your space :)

I'd get him out and look to sell up asap. Better making a fresh start in another property. And if you feel the need or if you find you legally owe him anything - you'll have the funds to do so.

Are you in England? If so take legal advice first, it will be worth it. Try Citizens advice as well.

Do you have any family nearby as back up for you?

Bloody hell it's been a year and he won't go? What about the effect this is having on your poor children?
Whatever he has paid surely counts as rent!? The house is in your name. You are unmarried, he is still married! That home is your children's future. You are being way too nice in thinking you owe him money.

Like Rantyanty said if this was the other way round do you think he would be feeling worried and wondering if he owes you what you paid in? Thinking of taking legal advice? Not a chance.

You're going to have to gather your strength here OP. It seems the only way to do this is to change the locks when he is out and leave his stuff somewhere. You can get police assistance if he gets aggressive. Then deal with the fallout later once hes gone...He doesn't have a leg to stand on!

I think it would be incredibly shitty to agree with a partner their money is for equity and then tell them it was rent because things have gone wrong. People talk a moral compass on here a lot but advocate really awful behaviour sometimes.

KylieKoko so even when the partner turns about to be a drinker, selfish, unsupportive, earns over 100k per year yet spends it all on himself? The OP has children to support and rely on her. He has more means than her to support himself going further. He refuses to leave. Do you think roles reversed he would consider her needs?

Here's the Shelter guide to Co habiting Couples where one person is the sole owner. It's for England so look for the one for the area you live in if not England.

Contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline regarding making a safety plan and minimising risk. They will also be able to advise on your legal options: 0808 2000 247

Check out the CABx guide to ending a relationship.