Should I tell her I want her back? Mates say defo no

[User202020]

Me and my now ex were together for eighteen months. I moved into hers after a year and then 5 months after that she broke up with me. No real explanation, just that ther wasnt a connection as far as she was concerned. Told me I was a decent guy and I would find someone else, any woman would be lucky to have me in there life. We said we would be friends but haven’t really spoken for a few months now.

It’s been 5 months now and all my mates are saying get back out there. I’m 40 this year and want a family. But I’m hoping maybe she will want to get back together. Shes 32 and wants a family aswell. I thought me and here would be it.

Should I try and start this up again and tell her I’m still thinking about her? My mates tell me to move on, that it not working after living togheter for only 5 months that it was never going to go anywhere and that she clearly wasn’t into it. We went on holiday and stuff and she met my family so it feels more significant to me. Would I be wasting my time and causing myself more heartbreak to contact her?

I think you should listen to your friends. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

But she has told you herself that she wasn't into it. Why would she have changed her mind?

Please try to move on and save yourself some dignity here. There are plenty of nice other women out there who want to find someone to have a family with. Good luck with everything.

I think you would be wasting your time trying to rekindle things with her. You will probably go back around in circles again. There is nothing stopping her from breaking your heart again if she's already done it once.

I think your mates are right and the best thing for you to do is move on and find someone else. Only when it's right for you though. Use this time to work on yourself and heal from the heartbreak and know you deserve more than asking someone who broke your heart to be with you again.

I know it hurts at the moment but time heals and one day you'll be settled down with someone who you have a great connection with and then you will be thankful that you didn't go back to your ex.

She was the first person I’ve lived with so it was a big deal for me and I’ve had relationships in the past but never wanted to take that step.

Theyve said a 32 yr old wouldn’t ask me to move out unless it was a clear end and clear break up. I think the opposite, maybe she wants to settle down and she would therefor give it another go? Or am I hoping against hope.

She's not interested otherwise she would have contacted you to say she made a mistake. Forget her. She's forgotten you I'm afraid

Don’t you think she might contact me still to say it was a mistake? At what point do u draw the line and say she’s not going to contact me.

From her social media she is going out with friends and seems to be happy. No man on the scene tho as far as I can tell. I kno it isnt healthy to keep looking

She asked you to move out, said she didn't feel a connection and suggested that you should find someone else.

Sorry, but if you think this is somehow hinting that she wants to 'settle down with you', you are deluding yourself.

She couldn't have been more clear. Sorry, again I know this must hurt but she does not want to be with you. It's time to close that door and move on.

She hasn’t been in touch since the break.

Time to move on. I know it’s hard. But she’s just not that into you.

Maybe she does want to settle down- but not with you. I'm sorry.

Take her at her word.

However, you don't have to 'get out there' unless you want to. You're very clearly not over her and that's fine. How about seeing your lovely mates, who clearly care about you, and planning a goal like a big holiday? I was widowed 2 years ago and did the Yorkshire 3 Peaks the same year, it was so hard for me but all the long walks training for it were brilliant. Give yourself time.

No I probably do need to hear it. Think it was harder as it came out of the blue for me a bit.

Like yellow says tho, she might still change her mind?

That's not what yellow said!

She has been in touch since we broke up yes. We have text on and off and then had a few weeks not texting. Nothing about the relationship tho. Like yellow says, isn’t ther always a chance she will contact me and say she made a mistake

Yellow did not say that I’m afraid. You’re obviously still hung up on her but I don’t think she’s coming back - she’s had plenty of time to miss you. Sorry... I know it’s hard.

At what point do u give up on hope she might say she made a mistake? A week, a month? Six months?

You need to move on. Obsessing over this woman isn't going to bring her back. Plenty of other single women out there in your age range.

Give up now. She isn't interested.

I’d say about 5 months ...... I’m not being flippant but I think you need to draw a line under it now. What have you got on the horizon to look forward to? Make some plans... even if you’re not feeling very sociable. Do something that makes you feel good and gets you off your phone / social media and gradually things will become a little easier.

I think the opposite, maybe she wants to settle down and she would therefor give it another go?

Actually it’s precisely because she wants to settle down that she’s broken up with you OP - she knows you’re not the one & therefore doesn’t want to waste anymore time with you.

Sorry if that’s harsh.

People have said she could change her mind. It’s therefoor possible. I don’t want to get involved with someone else if there’s a chance she would get back together.

I’m trying to make plans and be sociable

It’s not possible she changed her mind. She gave it a good 18 months and even moved in with you, she gave it a good go. She’s just not that into you and has clearly moved on. I promise you you have no intention of getting back with her. And I don’t see why you’d want to. If it didn’t work the first time it’s not gonna work the second, don’t waste more of your life. Even if you think there’s a chance of her getting back in touch (she won’t), why mope around refusing to live life instead of getting back out there in the meantime?

I know I just think sometimes people do get back together and then suddenly it works. I know I should probs move on and realise there’s plenty more fish

She won’t change her mind

Listen to your mates

Move on

For your own confidence and self-respect I think you need to move on. Don’t try and beg someone into going out with you it won’t work and even if it did they’d always be that thought in the back of your head that she settled for you, and that’s not nice.

Your friends and your ex have both said it’s time to move on.

Don't waste any more of your time.
Your friends are giving you honest advice.