Should I tell her I want her back? Mates say defo no

[User202020]

Me and my now ex were together for eighteen months. I moved into hers after a year and then 5 months after that she broke up with me. No real explanation, just that ther wasnt a connection as far as she was concerned. Told me I was a decent guy and I would find someone else, any woman would be lucky to have me in there life. We said we would be friends but haven’t really spoken for a few months now.

It’s been 5 months now and all my mates are saying get back out there. I’m 40 this year and want a family. But I’m hoping maybe she will want to get back together. Shes 32 and wants a family aswell. I thought me and here would be it.

Should I try and start this up again and tell her I’m still thinking about her? My mates tell me to move on, that it not working after living togheter for only 5 months that it was never going to go anywhere and that she clearly wasn’t into it. We went on holiday and stuff and she met my family so it feels more significant to me. Would I be wasting my time and causing myself more heartbreak to contact her?

Dunk you head in a bucket of ice cold water. It might give you some clarity!

She is not going to get back with you. You can pine to your hearts content but the only person who will lose out is you.

Just because there is no man on the scene doesnt mean she is waiting for you to come back.

Ask her. What's the worse that can happen? You'll never know the answer unless you hear it from her. If you haven't brought it up and are worried then maybe she is also. Goes both ways. Don't live your life wondering when you can get the answer directly from her. Either way, least you can move on with your life together or alone. Good luck

Has she had your number all this time? Could she have asked to have another go any of the days in the last 5 months?

She hasn't. That should tell you everything you need to know. I know you had a plan for how your life was going to go, you need to let go of that and make a new plan.

Even if she got back with you because she wanted children, you'd know she was only settling and with you for stability, not love. Do you want that for the next 40 years? Go out and find someone who wants and loves you for you.

Seriously op. Move on.

18 months isnt very long. I think you have to give up sorry. Get back out there. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't really love you

18 months isnt very long. I think you have to give up sorry. Get back out there. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't really love you

No explanation of why she broke it off.

Take the red pill because there was somebody else involved. In fact she was seeing this other person while you you were together.

Don't be a doormat, have some self respect and get on with your life.

She doesn’t want to be with you. You need to move on. But it’s not what you want to hear.

I feel after 5 months we didn’t give it enough of a go. Thats blocking me moving on

But it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t want to be with you.

Why aren't you listening OP? If she wanted to be with you, she would be. Your friends are saying move on. Most people on here are saying she isn't interested. Did you ever listen to her whilst you were together? You're coming across as someone who really doesn't.

5 months at the age both of you are is plenty of time to know if you want to be with someone - she doesn’t want to be with you. That’s it.

Just finding it hard and wondering why someone would end something after only 5 months living together. It is a short time and maybe we could of worked it out

I think it sounds like she lost respect for u shortly after I moved in. Maybe cos you're 40 and moving in with her?? I would wonder why a 40 yr old was not set up himself! I would have lost respect and unfortunately, I will find that once it's gone, it's gone. Move on.

Maybe just maybe there was something in your behaviour that she didnt like.

Are you seriously asking us for permission to Hoover your ex?

You dont seem to be listening to all the PPs who are largely saying the same thing.

It's over.

We both had own places and she wanted me move in with her

And?

I’m out - you clearly aren’t listening OP

I think this is not real

You’re not listening and it’s quite infuriating. Is this what you’re like in real life?

@SharkAttack1972

This is real. You are witnessing IRT a narc who has very likely abused a woman who has gone into full NC.

Read it and learn.

If it came so 'out of the blue' then you clearly have communication difficulties. Not sure if relevant but it's a tad unusual to have not lived with anyone by 40. Without her take on it we can't know why, so can't tell if fixable. I'd guess from her POV it must have been something drastic to not tell you since, has she really not let you know why?
How long have you actually had zero contact? The 5 months or have you not got to zero. Trust your mates ultimately, shed of let you know by now if changed her mind, 5 months is long enough

I think she's not helping at all by keeping in touch - a bit cruel if she know you can't move on! Ask her to stop the contact as you aer stuck on her, just be honest, she may not realise.

To those saying he's a narc (WTF?) - the ex wouldnt have kept texting after break-up if she thought he was nasty.

I'm sorry but living with someone changes a relationship and that's when you really get to know someone. It wasn't working for her. She's right about one thing though, you will find someone who is everything to you and you'll be everything to them. You'll never find that person while ever you are pinning after someone who who doesn't want to be with you.

At your age you must have been in relationships with women who you just don't 'feel it'. Remember there's nothing that they could have done or said to change your mind. This is your ex