Should I tell her I want her back? Mates say defo no

[User202020]

Me and my now ex were together for eighteen months. I moved into hers after a year and then 5 months after that she broke up with me. No real explanation, just that ther wasnt a connection as far as she was concerned. Told me I was a decent guy and I would find someone else, any woman would be lucky to have me in there life. We said we would be friends but haven’t really spoken for a few months now.

It’s been 5 months now and all my mates are saying get back out there. I’m 40 this year and want a family. But I’m hoping maybe she will want to get back together. Shes 32 and wants a family aswell. I thought me and here would be it.

Should I try and start this up again and tell her I’m still thinking about her? My mates tell me to move on, that it not working after living togheter for only 5 months that it was never going to go anywhere and that she clearly wasn’t into it. We went on holiday and stuff and she met my family so it feels more significant to me. Would I be wasting my time and causing myself more heartbreak to contact her?

Fucking hell! Some of these replies are beyond stupid.

It's the feminine way

what a load of rubbish

OP, leave this woman alone. She doesn't want you. She lived with you for long enough to know that it's not what she wants.

She's said she feels no connection, and you say you've not been in touch with her for months.

That's not the actions of a woman who would take you back, or who misses you at all.

She'll need a display of commitment. Maybe it was that, but she didn't want to say/ be the one to ask. Marry her and have babies. She'd have been thinking of ticking biological clock

Yes she is so in love with the OP she ended the relationship and told him to move out of her home. She is missing him so much she hasn't been in contact in months, there can be NO other explanation other than some rom-com scenario.

To me from what the OP has written she has been very level headed, at 32, together a year, trying the next step of moving in together she asked him to move into her home, smart woman did not leave herself vulnerable and homeless if things went wrong and it turns out she was right as the relationship was not working for her.

She has been kind after ending things, a bit of general contact wishing him well, no talk about the relationship and then she has moved on and is enjoying life with friends and getting on with things, she seems tuned in and smart from what the OP has written, so with that in mind that kind of woman doesn't seem the type to wait around for a knight in shining armour to "rescue" her from single life and make babies with her.

She has moved on so leave her be, listen to your friends who know you and this situation better than any of us here and they are saying move on. Maybe time to listen to what is being said rather than what you want to hear.

She doesn’t want you, move on.

Is @Dragonembroidery and the OP the same person?

She'll need a display of commitment. Maybe it was that, but she didn't want to say/ be the one to ask. Marry her and have babies. She'd have been thinking of ticking biological clock

Or as an adult woman she was thinking of her own wants, needs and happiness instead of staying in an unhappy relationship with someone who doesn't seem to be able to respect her decisions and thinks everything must have a subtext when she just doesn't want to be with him.

It's the feminine way

I think the word this poster was looking for was misogynist not feminine. The narrative of women loving a good stalker because he just won't quit is getting a bit old now.

It turns out women are within their rights to sensibly assess if a relationship is healthy and even more shockingly their vagina doesn't make them incapable of ending a relationship they don't want to be in.

Who knew, eh?

OP, you need to treat your ex with the respect she deserves as a fellow human being. That means you accept it when she tells you, in words and actions, that she no longer wishes to be in a relationship with her.

Anything else is not treating her with respect and I can be fairly certain she will not welcome it.

I would suggest you stop contacting her, and block her number. Go cold turkey so you can get over her. I've been in the position of pining for someone who didn't want me back and I KNOW it's incredibly painful--you have my sympathy. But it's even more painful if you draw it out by trying to be friends, or hanging on to false hope.

Time is the greatest healer, you need to give yourself as much time as possible when you're not in contact with her and are moving on with your life. It will get easier in time.

I'd also suggest you seek out counseling to help you learn appropriate boundaries (such as respecting people who end a relationship with you) and coping skills so you can move on. Especially if you are continuing to struggle to understand that people are allowed to end a relationship with you, and learning to accept this.

Focus on your recovery, not on what might have been.

It's painful, but you can do it.