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Original poster

Should I tell her I want her back? Mates say defo no

82 replies

User202020 · 06/02/2020 15:05

Me and my now ex were together for eighteen months. I moved into hers after a year and then 5 months after that she broke up with me. No real explanation, just that ther wasnt a connection as far as she was concerned. Told me I was a decent guy and I would find someone else, any woman would be lucky to have me in there life. We said we would be friends but haven’t really spoken for a few months now.

It’s been 5 months now and all my mates are saying get back out there. I’m 40 this year and want a family. But I’m hoping maybe she will want to get back together. Shes 32 and wants a family aswell. I thought me and here would be it.

Should I try and start this up again and tell her I’m still thinking about her? My mates tell me to move on, that it not working after living togheter for only 5 months that it was never going to go anywhere and that she clearly wasn’t into it. We went on holiday and stuff and she met my family so it feels more significant to me. Would I be wasting my time and causing myself more heartbreak to contact her?

OP posts:
MrsAgassi · 06/02/2020 21:13

She doesn’t want to be with you. If she was missing you you’d have know about it by now.

SharkAttack1972 · 06/02/2020 21:13

I agree, I think there's more to this than he is letting on

75Renarde · 06/02/2020 21:20

Yup here is @SharkAttack1972

Watch and learn MN. Watch and learn.

Graciebutterfly · 06/02/2020 21:21

@CatAndHisKit many many people still have contact with an ex when they have been nasty or even abused them.

Many poster on here state how they hate that they miss and still love a abusive ex.

75Renarde · 06/02/2020 21:25

That's true @GracieButterfly

NC is very hard when implemented for the first time.

Dragonembroidery · 06/02/2020 21:34

Ignore all these negative (millionaire) womens. You go get your girl. Make a big gesture.
Tell her you still love her and think about her every day.

Ignore your mates. They won't be there for you every day when they have wives of their own.

It's at least worth a shot. She sounds like the one. 5 months is fine amount of time to realise this.
(Cynical unromantic borderline cruel advice above is not good.)

Also she'll know you and you obviously love her. She'll need a display of commitment. Maybe it was that, but she didn't want to say/ be the one to ask. Marry her and have babies. She'd have been thinking of ticking biological clock..
Good luck Flowers

thickwoollytights · 06/02/2020 21:37

Like yellow says tho, she might still change her mind?
ConfusedConfused
Are you mad? Yellow did not say that !

CatAndHisKit · 06/02/2020 21:37

I still wouldn't jump to conclusion that OP was a narc/abusive - totally unfair as nothing he said pointe out to that. A narc would have been very angry, for one. They tend to be very cever with women, OP sounds lost and clueless.
More likely it as his total lack of experience with live-in r-ships, he was probably too clingy or needy going by this thread.

Porkeypine · 06/02/2020 21:37

I’m only on page one if the replies and I agree with everyone else. Sadly I don’t think she’s interested. I don’t think she’s sending you subliminal messages that she wants you back, I think she means exactly what she said.

If the sparks not there it’s not there and she’s realised that and done the right thing for you both.

I know it hurts. It’s shit when you’re in a situation of unrequited love, but that’s life and I’m sure you’ll go on to meet the love of your life and be thankful this one did end it.

I also believe you don’t know someone until you live with them.

It’s evident you’re going against the better judgement on here so if you feel you can’t ‘let go’ until you ask her one final time then text her. Explain how you feel and give her a ‘last chance’.

Hopefully that will be the closure you need. I’m 99% sure it will be a ‘No’ but I hope that 1% is on your side.

Dragonembroidery · 06/02/2020 21:44

Unlike above women pp, a lot of women are quite traditional about these things.
I would never consider approaching a man or contacting him, even if I was desperate for us to get back together. Like in fairy tale and like millions of women, we wait for him to get in touch or make first move.
It's the feminine way, and I can feel above pp scoffing, but it's just human nature imo.

It makes it especially wonderful when he returns and declares his love.

CatAndHisKit · 06/02/2020 21:58

Oh Dragon the romantic, your post made me smile wistfully, I do hope this still can happen for some of us!

Lozzerbmc · 06/02/2020 22:12

I think if she felt she had made a mistake she would have asked to give it another try. She hasnt so I think you have to respect her wishes and accept it is over really.

But if you cant get out of this limbo then maybe write her a letter telling her how you feel. Then you’ll get your answer and assuming its still no, you hopefully can move on. Its hard accepting when its over and unfortunately we dont always get the answers as to what went wrong,

75Renarde · 06/02/2020 22:32

Wow! I'm.a millionaire???

Kewwwllll!!!

Melissana · 06/02/2020 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

75Renarde · 06/02/2020 22:45

@Melissana

Oh dear. Said a norty did we?

Orf to The Step you go!

forumdonkey · 06/02/2020 23:25

Ignore all these negative (millionaire) womens. You go get your girl. Make a big gesture.
Tell her you still love her and think about her every day

So a grand gesture is all it takes to put feelings where there aren't any? I had one guy who I'd known for years and dated offer me an amazing long haul holiday, champagne dinners etc and that wouldn't change my mind. In fact his persistence pissed me off so much I blocked him and walked past him when I was out with friends. When we dated there was nothing wrong with him but I just didn't want to be with him. Now I can't stand him.

outherealone · 07/02/2020 00:42

Seriously. I have worked with the most dangerous criminals. These posts sound like someone who doesn’t take no for an answer and it also sounds like the beginning of a harassment and stalking issue.
Op if you are real I suggest you see a doctor get yourself some very good therapy before you even consider meeting somebody else.
Please don’t contact your ex. She’s been very clear.
We only know your side of the sotry, she might already be scared of you. If you genuinely love her then the kindest thing to do is leave her alone to get on with her life and you go and get help so you can get on with yours.

SalmonOfKnowledge · 07/02/2020 00:49

She lived withyou. She knows that for her it wasnt right.

Dragonembroidery · 07/02/2020 09:37

@outherealone
Your career seems to have massively distorted your perception of the human condition. Can you not see any good in romance? I get the impression you also can't trust men.
The OP is a decent guy and this women is the love of his life. There's no reason to think otherwise. Marriages often start with a story like this.

It's you that needs to have a look at your view on things. Perhaps it's time for time out of working with dangerous criminals.

Divebar · 07/02/2020 09:43

The OP is a decent guy and this women is the love of his life

WTF are you talking about? She broke up with him... she is not the love of his life and you are cruel to perpetuate that myth in his head. The love of his life is the woman who will love him back. Life is not a rom com.

chemicalworld · 07/02/2020 09:44

She lived with him and decided it wasnt for her so split up with him. She's not pining and it's dangerous to set this situation as 'romantic'. This type of thinking encourages stalking and harassment. Its delusional.

She has clearly decided he isnt for her.

MashedSpud · 07/02/2020 09:53

Whether you dated for five days or fifty weeks, lived together for three days or thirty years if someone says they don’t want to be you then you have to accept it.

She isn’t going to want you again. She did the whole let’s be friends thing to get you to move out. Is she scared of you?

YasssKween · 07/02/2020 10:00

Just finding it hard and wondering why someone would end something after only 5 months living together.

Because she didn't want to be with you anymore

It is a short time

It's almost half a year. And she was with you for a year before that. It's really not that short a time.

maybe we could of worked it out

She didn't want to.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but I think you need to hear it.

She may be keeping in touch because she feels bad and knows that you were gutted it ended.

She could be keeping in touch because she sees you as someone to boost her ego when she needs it.

She could be keeping in touch for any reason. She could have ended it for any reason. She is not obliged to justify her decision to you. You are not respecting her decision.

It's over. If she wanted you back she knows where you are. She knows you would respond to her if she mentioned it.

You need to respect other people's decisions and not spend time agonising over them when they have made them.

It's over.

Drum2018 · 07/02/2020 10:03

At what point do u draw the line and say she’s not going to contact me.

At the point when she broke up with you and you moved out. Stop expecting her to contact you. Any contact she may have made since the breakup was probably just to be polite, it was not encouragement for a future together. I suggest you leave her in the past and listen to your friends.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/02/2020 10:11

There's no way on this earth someone is this thick.
SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!!!!!
Leave her be and move on.
Listen to your mates.
You sound desperate and really needy.
No wonder she dumped you!
Listen to HER!!!!
Do not ride rough shod over HER feelings.
She's made them very clear.
Back off.