Would you date someone 20 years younger?

[SueDoeName]

I'm so new to on line dating .

I'm 47 . No wrinkles yet. Hated looking younger than my age 20 years ago but now it's quite cool!

I've signed up to a dating site . I've only had 2 relationships in my life . My confidence was rick bottom after my last relationship because he was abusive and made me feel worthless. We were together 5 years and I left never though it killed me.

7 month's happily alone and signed up to a paid dating site. - I honestly couldn't believe the attention I got. Some absolutely beautiful men want to see me . I've had 500 + likes and messages in 3 weeks - been very picky and had 4 dates so far but no spark.

I have several more dates lined up. But
I'm 48 this month and one guy who is super keen and seems really nice is 28. That's the same age as my son. He's made me smile and I'm super flattered but is this just too weird ? He keeps saying age is a number and means nothing. He thinks I'm lovely /gorgeous etc and yeah we've been chatting and he seems mature but ???? Should I be drawing a line here on age? I have previously - hell I've had 3 20 year olds try it and told them absolutely no way! I've had 2 relationships in my life . Wtf am I doing ? Am I safe to be let loose on a dating site ?

It's really up to you. You don't have to marry the guy. If you last a year or so, it still could be fun and memorable.

I married someone that much younger. I let myself get too carried away. He did have his head turned and left after a decade. Absolutely broke my heart. I did have an amazing time with him, that I'll never forget. Too bad he didn't continue to love me the way I loved him.

No. It wouldn't interest me in the slightest. They would be early 30's.My dp is the same age as me and it's a big reason that we are so compatible. Same stage of our lives-looking forward to retirement, both financially sorted, both of us have grown up dcs etc.

My mother in law is 22 years younger than my father in law. I think cracks started to show when he hit 50 and she was still in twenties (with 3 kids they’d had in quick succession when she was 21) she had a bit of a breakdown over the ensuing years. Now he is in 70s and she is early 50s, I think she’s very lonely. He’s pretty happy bumbling about and she still craves more. I’m not sure that dynamic ever worked as my H and his siblings are all pretty fucked up . (Sorry to sound bleak)
I think my FIL is controlling and likes being adored, hence a significantly younger woman was perfect for him. But the life stages are always going to be so so different with that age gap.

I did it the other way round. in my 20s I dated a woman 17 years older than me. Not quite 20, but still a sizable gap.

As short term fun, I can't see a problem. As a long term relationship, based on my experience, I wouldn't recommend it.

The irony is that I'm now married to somebody 13 years younger than me.

That's the same age as my son
And that right there, is the major 'ick factor' for me!
If you just want some fun then go for it.
If not then steer well clear.
He is young and probably wants kids further down the line.
Leave him to find a younger woman.
He's doing it so he can tell his mates he's shagged a MILF!
And... ICK - again!

I wouldn't for these reasons - I would worry that he had an older woman fetish, and being fetishised is grim (IMO).

I wouldn't enjoy having sex with a 20 something body with my sagging nearly 50 year old body.

I would feel a bit predatory.

No, I wouldnt. But thats just a personal preference. 20 years is too much of an age gap for me- either younger OR older. I just feel that you would be at completely different life stages. Not to mention, I remember dating men in their 20s when I was in my 20s and they were pretty immature. Now, I'm not saying all men in their 20s are like that, but I definitely remember there being a lack of maturity there.

Its really up to you and what you feel comfortable with. I'd be more apt to go for it if I just fancied a fling than if i wanted anything serious though. For a serious relationship, a 20 year age gap will have implications for the future, thats not being judgy, it just will. Eg, when you are 67, he'll only be your age now. Imagine how you'd feel right now dating a guy who was almost 70?

I think it depends on a few things:

Can you have a casual fling or is that something you couldn't do without catching feels and being upset if it ended after a short time or he wanted to be FWB? I know I would get emotionally invested so would be a no there.

If he would be happy to meet someone to settle down with, does he want kids? If so and I was the same age as you, again it would be a no there.

Do you fancy and like each other in person? I know you haven't had a date yet so this would be sooo important - in person the spark might not be there. So if the things above were all clear, I'd meet up and see.

Do you think you'd be as interested in him if he was the same age as you? It may be a bit of a novelty factor for you both rather than an actual meeting of minds.

If you do meet up and he isn't interested, will it knock your confidence? Dating is a minefield at the best of time and can bring out insecurity in many of us. It's not worth the risk of that IMO if you think it's a possibility.

I think it's worth considering stuff like the above before making your next move.

No I would not want to date someone even ten years younger, it’s just weird and it’s even weirder for you because he’s the same age as your son.

I think it is harder where the woman is the older partner, mainly because of the fertility issue. A young man may well want kids in the future, in which case it would be difficult for a woman 20 years older to do- whereas with an older man this isn’t an issue.

As I’m mid twenties I couldn’t date somebody 20 years younger, however I don’t think I would date a man 20 years older. Mainly because of different life stages/expectations. However, somebody close to me married a man 40 years older (mid 60s- she is mid twenties). They don’t have much in common except for he keeps her matierialy/gives a her a lifestyle she could only dream of before. Sorry, I’m not saying all age gap relationships are based on money so that may be a bad example. But aside from him spoiling her they don’t really have anything to talk about other than the baby they have.

Enjoy it for the fun but maybe consider what would happen in the future if he wanted kids etc

My dad married a woman of 19 when I was 15. It ruined our relationship and I've not spoken to him in 15 years. She was very immature and was jealous of his relationship with us children and she made him choose and he chose her.

For a bit of fun yes but I think anything more would damage your relationship with your son.

Thinking about this again, I’m interested to know how you would reconcile him being the same age as your son...

Someone on here suggested earlier there is nothing wrong with a woman in her mid 30s being with a man in his mid to late 50s. Whilst it happens fairly frequently, it’s absolutely out of the question to me. I have no wish to have sex with a man old enough easily to be my father and it sickens me to think how frequently men see women a generation or more as “fair game”. And if I feel that way about the men who do that then I think it must also apply to older women who also do the same. I don’t buy the age is nothing but a number thing.

I’m close in age to you - 48 next month - and look younger but I’d never date someone 20 years younger. I’d go for 45-50

Just be careful!

He is love bombing you because he wants his 'supply' of attention and sex. No. Always value yourself and uphold your boundaries no matter how much interest THEY show, put YOU first.

I got divorced when I was in my mid 40s. I was working in the fitness industry at the time so in good shape for my age and, after taking some time to recover from my broken relationship, I had a few flings with guys I met at the gym. I was 47/48 at the time and their ages ranged from 27-34. It was good fun and I enjoyed 'sowing my wild oats' as I'd married young. But eventually I realised I wanted someone who would go on a forest walk with me on a Sunday afternoon or help me cook dinner for a family birthday get-together etc and a while later I met a lovely man on an OLD site who was 2 years older than me. We've been married for over 8 years now.
Not saying big age gaps can't work but I think the successful ones are the exception rather than the rule!

Same age as your son?! Nope

Lads in their 20s trying to hit up older women in their 40s is very common on dating apps. I'm early 40s and had quite a few. The youngest was 22. I found many of them lacked confidence and I think they wanted an older woman to help them out - which tells me they assume I would be flattered by such a younger man.
I won't lie, I was tempted but only in terms of 'a bit of fun'. I wouldn't consider a relationship with a man so much younger.

No, no and thrice no. There is no way I'd want to date someone the same age as my adult son.

I seem to recall, could be wrong, that in the Netherlands there is some law about not dating anyone with more than an 8 year age gap? Due to abuse of power etc I think.

However, there is no such law in the UK so you are free to choose: there is always the exception that proves the rule!

I'm 29. The only guys I know who would go for a late 40 year old would be ones trying to get a 'older woman' shag just to say theyve done it,or someone really really weird.

Wrinkles or not. Your still approaching 50, and I can't see a guy of 28 wanting anything serious.

There's plenty of nice single men your age I bet. Don't do this to yourself op!

Personally I wouldn't. 20 years younger would be a little younger than my eldest DC

No.

Nope. Because a. He would only be 15 and b. My son is 15.

And having recently come out of a relationship with a 28 year old... they aren't mature enough.

No, but that's because my mother moved a 17yr old in the day after she met him when I was 6 and she was 35.