Would you date someone 20 years younger?

[SueDoeName]

I'm so new to on line dating .

I'm 47 . No wrinkles yet. Hated looking younger than my age 20 years ago but now it's quite cool!

I've signed up to a dating site . I've only had 2 relationships in my life . My confidence was rick bottom after my last relationship because he was abusive and made me feel worthless. We were together 5 years and I left never though it killed me.

7 month's happily alone and signed up to a paid dating site. - I honestly couldn't believe the attention I got. Some absolutely beautiful men want to see me . I've had 500 + likes and messages in 3 weeks - been very picky and had 4 dates so far but no spark.

I have several more dates lined up. But
I'm 48 this month and one guy who is super keen and seems really nice is 28. That's the same age as my son. He's made me smile and I'm super flattered but is this just too weird ? He keeps saying age is a number and means nothing. He thinks I'm lovely /gorgeous etc and yeah we've been chatting and he seems mature but ???? Should I be drawing a line here on age? I have previously - hell I've had 3 20 year olds try it and told them absolutely no way! I've had 2 relationships in my life . Wtf am I doing ? Am I safe to be let loose on a dating site ?

My MIL has a partner 16 years younger than her and they are wonderful together.

Put bluntly, she’s a youthful 66 and he’s a (loveably) grouchy 50. She’s into acting and dance and he likes model trains and boat-spotting.

As long as you think your goals and values complement each other should a relationship blossom that’s what’s important.

Meanwhile, if this is just a potential dinner and a shag, either way - get right in there.

I think late 50s and someone in their mid to late 30s is okay. Someone in their 20s is still figuring themselves out, especially when it comes to things like wanting children etc. I’m 39 now and wouldn’t consider dating someone in their 20s. Different life stages etc. Saying that though I did meet my now dh when I was 29 and he was 22 - I was divorced when we met with a child- but we were both similar ages.

No, only for a dalliance. I married one 12 years younger and it was fine in my 40's but at the menopause it all fell apart. he didn't want a menopausal woman and I felt he was incredibly immature and didn't want to bother to plan for our future, it was all going out every night for him. It didn't end well.

God no.

And tbh I think this is one situation where the feelings of even adult children should be taken into account. If my dad had gone out with a woman my age when I was 26 I would have been mortified, and tbh a bit embarrassed about introducing them to the kids as a step grandmother etc. Just no.

Also, alarm bells would be ringing for me in terms of why a 26 year old is so desperate to date a 46 year old. That screams fetish. To me. They’re not uncommon.

You say yourself you don’t want a casual thing... the chances of this being a serious thing are slim to none.
Plus it’s a bit.. grim to be honest, on both parts. I’d be a bit judged about it.

If you were just looking for a fling and both on the same page - which would be absolutely acceptable in your situation - then maybe, if he's 28 you're out of the creepy area that is dating someone in their early 20s still likely to be biologically adolescent though legally adult...

For a serious relationship no. I'm around your age, and ten years either way would be my absolute limit, ideally less.

Oh and I agree actually that having an adult child that age of your own makes it a no go even for a casual relationship. That would be really uncomfortable for your child to be aware of. If you had no children or young children it would be less uncomfortable.

I really don't think dating anyone close to your children's age is ever the choice of a good parent, even if your children are in their 30s or beyond!

No I wouldn’t.

I’d feel a bit dirty to be honest. But I wouldn’t judge someone else for doing it

No problem at all. I'd be more concerned about the lack of shared interests if you've met via a dating app.
Plenty of younger men are mature enough and interesting enough for an older woman to form a relationship with. But some kind of common ground would be needed, I would think, to stand any chance of it being a longer term relationship. And yes, maybe the chances of a longer term relationship are lower than with a partner of similar age, but how many dates turn into ltrs? Not many so why exclude this one?

Go for it

Personally no, I wouldn't. I've been on and off dating sites for over 10 years and have always been surprised/amused by the number of 20 somethings who are apparently keen to date an older woman. I'm not interested because I feel that we'd have completely different experiences in life, interests and expectations. However, because of my self imposed limits, I've never engaged in conversation with any of them so who knows, I could be wrong.

I was reading my DM's Good Housekeeping yesterday and Tamsin Outhwaite was interviewed - I have no clue what she's like but have always roughly thought pretty nice, sensible, etc. She is 49 and in a relationship with a 28 year old for the last two years - this wasn't the focus of the article although GH had to mention it.

No they would be 16 but even when I'm older I couldn't, I feel I'd have nothing in common with them and wouldn't like to be 60 when they're only 40 etc etc etc.

No I wouldn't, I'd find it a bit ick, but we are all different.

Oh yes, you’ll have the best time, providing it for fun only. After I was widowed, I met a gorgeous guy 20yrs my junior. He bought me back to life I suppose. We did develop feelings for each other, but I was never under any illusions as to our future. We still care for each other deeply and wouldn’t change a thing, both now with partners of our own ages and very happy.
Sex is fabulous, ego boost probably much needed, it’ll make you feel giddy. Have fun.

You say they want to see you; what "seeing" means needs to be established. In the case of younger men seeing really means shortish, casual, fun relationship that he doesn't intend to be long-term or serious.

You seem to be thinking "relationship" but I'd bet the cast majority of the younger men who've shown interest are not thinking "relationship" (or at least not long-term relationship).

As other posters have pointed out - unfortunately (or fortunately if you're a middle aged lady who wants to have lots of fun and sex with younger men) the sex with Milf/attractive older woman thing has become a check-box to tick.
There were always younger men who'd do that but it's become really fashionable die to porn etc.

So, if you'd like to have a fun, sex based, light hearted "relationship" with a limited shelf life, go right ahead. If you don't or can't handle that (and many women get emotionally attached and hurt in sexual relationships) then don't. Concentrate on the men around your own age and don't get distracted by the enthusiasm and flattery of younger men who are very very likely to be only looking for a short term relationship.

Also worth pointing out that while some aspects of the Milf phenomenon are nice/neutral (they think confident, older attractive women are sexy, they think they might be easygoing etc.) ... Other aspects are not so nice (they believe they're easier/more desperate due to having less options than younger women, they think there's no chance of pregnancy (most men I know think women can't have kids after 35, seriously), they think there'll be no expectations and pressure as there might be with a younger woman, they have some clichéd idea of older women as highly sexed, open minded etc.

I'm afraid Ive heard all these and worse from men in person and on a make dominated forum. It can be v chauvinist, very porn-y, and quite derogatory. But they're not going to say a word of that to the woman they're "courting" obviously.

(I know there's an irony in thinking older women have fewer options while the Milf phenomenon means they're becoming flooded with options; but the point is that they're mostly sexual options, not true romantic/relationship options.

(Also if you go ahead with a younger man, I wouldn't be introducing them to your son, I'd keep it in it's box).

I wouldn’t let him turn your head. It’s very common for younger men to chase older women now. I’m 50 and not particularly attractive and I got loads of messages too from men in their 20’s when I was OLD. I rejected most of them but one particular time, I was mid 40’s he was 30 (he said, but I don’t know for sure). I gave him a chance and he was all lovely until we DTD and he went cold on me. I called him out on it and he said “well you shouldn’t sleep with guys young enough to be your son then”. I’ll never forget how utterly shit it made me feel. That was the last time I ever even replied to someone much younger than me. There is maybe a 2% chance that this guy actually wants a relationship with you. I learnt my lesson the hard way.

Up until a few years ago I would have said go for it but now seeing how old my dad is getting with 20 years between him and my mum although she’s the younger one, I am starting to feel really sad for her.
He’s very fit for his age and still working in a very professional job at 69 but there’s lots of little habits developing that are showing his age and he’s becoming slightly neurotic when she’s still got a long life ahead of her.

no.

A man in his mid 20s? A few years older than my sons? No bloody way!

He’s right. Age is just a number. He’s adult and (presumably) sensible. What are you waiting for?

I called him out on it and he said “well you shouldn’t sleep with guys young enough to be your son then”.

That really demonstrates the attitude I've seen, where they're all charm but beneath it is a cynical assumption about what's going to happen (just sex really) and that the older woman understands it and is on board with it.

This all depends on what you want. If you both just want fun then go for it! But one day he may want children. My fellas 26 and I’m 34 and I really want children now and he wants to wait. I can’t really wait too much longer though so it’s a bit tough.