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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Told to leave but I am 5 weeks pregnant

80 replies

johannawarlow1210 · 03/02/2020 22:26

Please can someone advise me. Myself and my partner of 8 months had a huge argument the other day regarding my 14 year old boy who has hfa. My son is a difficult child and I always seem to be defending him as my partner believes he is a spoilt brat and it's all my fault. He is always shouting at my son and says we can't get along if I do not support what my partner says and we both work as a team, I agree with this but sometimes my partner goes too far. The argument was so bad I left with my son and went back to my mum's. The issue is I am 5 weeks pregnant at 41, my partner has said he doesn't want us back unless things change. Shall I apologise and say to work things out or do I stay away? I know I won't want to bring a child into this world on my own again.

OP posts:

DowntonCrabby · 03/02/2020 22:30

He’s a dick.

Why the hell would you go back to someone who controls the way you raise your (NOT HIS) child and “always shouts at him”????

I’d terminate under these circumstances as wouldn’t want to be tied to such a horrible man.

for you though, it’s very difficult but you have to put your son first.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 03/02/2020 22:32

Stay away. He is verbally abusing your son and undermining you as a parent. Your relationship with your son is far far more important than this abusive tosspot you've known a matter of months. How dare he stomp around and call the child you've lovingly raised a brat. Fuck him the overgrown man child. Stay away and stay safe

GreenTulips · 03/02/2020 22:34

There goes a man with no idea about HFA.

How old is he? Does he already have kids? Does he know about the baby?

PatellarTendonitis · 03/02/2020 22:37

You have a duty of care to your son. This man is abusive to him. You need to keep your child away from this man.

Atla · 03/02/2020 22:41

You need to put your son first and stay away. I may have read this wrong, but an 8 month relationship seems a very short time to have taken your child and have moved in with someone - and a recipe for conflict with a teenager.

If you weren't pregnant would you want to go back to him? Put the pregnancy to one side for now and do what's right for yourself and your son.

category12 · 03/02/2020 22:41

Put your son first. The man is a nasty bastard not suited to live with your boy.

Termination may be the best thing in your situation. Staying the hell away from that man is definitely the right thing.

Original poster

johannawarlow1210 · 03/02/2020 22:42

My partner is 48 and has no children. We'r were both over the moon when we found out but now this has happened. There has been some good things come out of it. My son now eats healthy meals and my partner has helped with getting him into school etc but the constant putting him down is putting a toll on our relationship and my partner feels there is whispering between myself and my son and I always let my son get his own way

OP posts:

PatellarTendonitis · 03/02/2020 22:47

This man is NOT good for your child. Get rid of him. I'd terminate in your shoes, but that's your decision.

scubadive · 03/02/2020 22:57

Definitely do not go back, my goodness your poor son. 14 is a tricky age you must put him first and your partner should support you in your parenting decisions not the other way around.

Put your son first and if you don’t feel able to go through with another baby then you have options. Please don’t stay with this man at the expense of your son just because you are pregnant.

Put your son first!

user14928465 · 03/02/2020 23:02

You have a duty of care to your son. This man is abusive to him. You need to keep your child away from this man.

It is this simple.

the constant putting him down is putting a toll on our relationship

It will be having a greater toll on your son. You know, the child on the receiving end of the constant abuse?

Oulu · 03/02/2020 23:06

He is always shouting at my son and says we can't get along if I do not support what my partner says and we both work as a team

So why is that not a two way process? Why can't he support what you say - particularly as (a) you know your child better and (b) shouting at a child with ASD is a dickhead move anyway and really quite cruel.

forumdonkey · 03/02/2020 23:08

You've only been together for 8 months and you're living together as a family.

It's not fair on your ds to be shouted at by this man and he's telling you that you have to do as he says and don't come back unless things YOU change.

Personally I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy and I would leave.

SandyY2K · 03/02/2020 23:20

Why have you inflicted this man on your son and living with him so quickly?

A relationship of 8 months and already living together. Why?

Singlenotsingle · 03/02/2020 23:23

I agree with the PPS. Your son is relying on you for protection. Don't let him down.

category12 · 03/02/2020 23:25

A man with no children of his own comes into your life, throwing his weight around, telling you how to raise your autistic son, dominating you, verbally and emotionally abusing your son, all within less than a year - of course leaving him is the right move.

copperoliver · 03/02/2020 23:31

Stay away put your child first. X

Sharpandshineyteeth · 03/02/2020 23:31

You are letting a man tell your son what to do and put him down!! After 8 months. Ffs why?

OhamIreally · 04/02/2020 00:25

So did the abuse of your son start as soon as your partner found out you were pregnant? Or before?
Either way it's not going to let up now.
I also would terminate in your shoes and I had a baby at 41 - I can't imagine doing it with a HFA teen.

MsDogLady · 04/02/2020 00:27

This cruel, abusive man is always shouting at and putting down your son who has ASD? Your child is a vulnerable person and you must safeguard him. Do not return and expose him to this toxic environment which is a danger to his mental health.

WorldEndingFire · 04/02/2020 01:19

Your son needs protection from this kind of abusive behaviour, don't go back.

AgentJohnson · 04/02/2020 05:27

You’ve been together 8 months and you’ve already moved in with your son and you’re pregnant.

Everything wasn’t perfect, if your son was being bullied. Thank God he asked you to leave because hopefully you will take this opportunity to think about your situation and the poor decisions you’ve made.

TomeOfSomething · 04/02/2020 05:30

You and your son are worth so much more.

Your son needs you to protect him, and you're not doing this.

AlwaysCheddar · 04/02/2020 05:35

8 months and you’re st this stage?! Walk away, there’s no future in the relationship.

Shadyshadow · 04/02/2020 06:19

You have been together 8 months. You dont really know him that well.

He shouldnt have been living with you and your son at this point. Blending families is very hard. When you have other things to deal with like HFA it's more difficult.

You need to stay left, for the sake of your son.

fishonabicycle · 04/02/2020 06:21

Leave him and terminate this pregnancy. He sounds awful and things will only get worse.

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