Told to leave but I am 5 weeks pregnant

[johannawarlow1210]

Please can someone advise me. Myself and my partner of 8 months had a huge argument the other day regarding my 14 year old boy who has hfa. My son is a difficult child and I always seem to be defending him as my partner believes he is a spoilt brat and it's all my fault. He is always shouting at my son and says we can't get along if I do not support what my partner says and we both work as a team, I agree with this but sometimes my partner goes too far. The argument was so bad I left with my son and went back to my mum's. The issue is I am 5 weeks pregnant at 41, my partner has said he doesn't want us back unless things change. Shall I apologise and say to work things out or do I stay away? I know I won't want to bring a child into this world on my own again.

Good lord woman - why on Earth would you have moved your son in with this man in less than 8 months ?

How could you possibly know someone well enough to do this (clearly you didn’t or you wouldn’t have been living with an abusive man) ?

How much upheaval does the poor boy need - you’ve very quickly moved some stranger into his house (or moved him from his house into a strangers) and now are pregnant (no birth control here ?). Does he factor into your thought process at all - I can’t understand why you’d think proceeding in this way was wise ?

You need to start thinking of your son first now. He is most important here. Also, you need to set an example in how to treat others and how to be treated by others.

Move out and give that poor boy some stability and love. Show him he means more to you than some new bloke.

And get yourself some standards in relation to the type of men you date - work on your self esteem, wait until you know them and the type of person they are before introducing them to your children (personally I’d be thinking a year plus for the first meeting), then gradually spend time together so you can see how they get on etc...

Have you not read the numerous threads on here from desperate women who have rushed into blending families, getting pregnant etc at breakneck speed then are stuck because the guy is not right for a variety of reasons that would have become apparent (in many cases) had they not desperately rushed into things with the first bloke that showed them some attention ? I just cannot understand why these women (including you) but a bloke above their own children.

Do what you like in terms of the pregnancy, but if you go ahead do it with the knowledge you’ll be a single parent (even if they new guy is involved). I’d question how much I’d want a baby with this guy though if he’s so abusive to your son ! What will he be like with a baby ? I’m not one to advocate cutting fathers out of babies lives (unless there are serious issues re abuse etc) so I’d personally question the wisdom of proceeding with the pregnancy but that is your choice.

To sum it up - give your head a wobble and put your child first.

8 months and you're living together and pregnant?

He sounds like an awful person - were you desperate ?

All I can say is stay away from him as if you go back your son will think its OK to be treated like this

I’ve been married to my DH for 12 years, he is my best friend and the only man I’ve ever loved, if he treated either of our children that way he would be gone.

Put your child first. And you do meet someone in the future the right person will be someone who accepts and loves you and your boy.

He can't cope with your son. Best apart. People with children need to think twice about relationships as its risky introducing a third party into an established family. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Uou put your childs happiness at risk in favour of your own.

He wasn't always like this, we have known each other for a year and half and introduced my son to him at the beginning to see how everyone got on. They got on amazingly and went out several times.... we then all moved in together which has now been 8 months. It's only been the past month or so my partner has been like this. We had plans which would benefit my son to eventually move to a better place. He keeps saying he needs to be tough on him to make him into an independent young man but he has gone too far this time

It's only been the past month or so my partner has been like this

So since you are pregnant with his child, your son is now excess baggage and is being bullied out and you are dithering over what to do. Don't walk away from this man, run and protect your son.

They got on amazingly and went out several times

Of course they did, but a day out doing fun stuff as a treat is very different from the reality of living with each other.

He is abusing your child.

So you introduced them when you barely knew this bloke and moved in after 10 months? and now you're pregnant.

Oh.

He has treated your son appallingly. When new baby comes along I know he'll push your son away even further.

He keeps saying he needs to be tough on him to make him into an independent young man

I'm pretty sure kindness would work a lot better

Do not, DO NOT go back to him.

They got on and days out, so you thought it would be fine living together?

18 months is still no time at all to be living with someone and having a baby and moving your son in with this man.

He has been amazing and now a shit to your child? Why do you think that is?

I agree with one of the PP. Don't go back to this horrible man. Protect your son and consider what the hell you are going to do with this pregnancy. Personally I'd terminate as I wouldn't want to be linked with the arsehole for the rest of my life!

Your son must come first.

Oh bloody hell... You should move much more slowly in new relationships when you already have children, at 8 months you should have only recently introduced them to one another, not be "working as a team" to parent your teenager! Do you and your son live with your partner?

No don't apologise! The relationship is either over or has to go right back to the stage it should be at - dating without involving your teen at all.

Can you stay with your mum long term? Does she have plenty of room and understand your son?

Whatever you do don't move back in with your partner. It's far too early and the child you have takes precedence over the small bundle of cells in your womb. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, more in mother's over 35 and more again over 40 and you presumably haven't even seen a heartbeat yet.

Sorry just saw the backtrack on 8 months.

Still don't move back in with him, stay away, he sounds bad for you.

You are letting this man abuse you son. If you go back, you are sending your son the message you condone this - which makes you as bad as him. Do what you want about the pregnancy but for gods sake step up and protect your boy!

Did you move into his house? Where were you living before? I'd really get your own place to live, you and the DC.

Oh for FFS. Another mother putting her boyfriend before her child. I despair!

Well done on protecting your DS and leaving.
Never go back.
Really think about being a single parent to your current DS and a baby!!
And never go back to that vile man.
How dare he think he knows how to handle autism.
He doesn't.
And he never will because he doesn't want to know.
He thinks, if he is does certain things, your DS will suddenly be 'cured'
It doesn't work like that.
He's a dick OP.
Well done, stay gone!
You got this!

My entire post still stands.

Get some self respect / standards and put your child first for a change !

This is very sad. Please put your son first. Your bf is an arse. Do not go back to him and do not put your son in this toxic environment.

Honestly * johannawarlow1210 I think you just cannot see it clearly because you are sad that your hoo op es of a better life for you and your son have been dashed (I really hope that doesn’t sound patronising).
Please protect your son and face the fact that this man is not what you thought and hoped he was.

Put your son first.

If he continues to abuse your son verbally, your DS will want to get out. And he might leave home prematurely, before he’s able to make any kind of living. Lots of young people end up on a downward spiral when that happens.
I don’t mean to frighten you, but better you live life without all that he has been promising than your DS ended up rough sleeping.

On phone, sorry for all the typos.

Please don’t put some random bloke that you’ve known two minutes, before your own son.

He sounds very nasty, he shouldn't be shouting at your son, who is no relation to him, especially where your own relationship with this guy is fairly new in the great scheme of things.

He shouldn't be trying to take over discipling your child. It's not ok for your son, and it also implies he doesn't have the highest opinion of you- he thinks he knows better than you how to parent your own child.

I wouldn't go back to this guy. If you personally want a baby, carry on with the pregnancy, otherwise, you can reconsider it.

I really regret posting on here. Alot of people are being quite abusive when they do not know the whole story. I am putting my son first, was just looking for some advice