I started my current job about a year and a half ago, fairly standard office. One guy caught my eye straight away but it took us a few months to really end up having one on one chats, especially as I was still finding my feet and he’s really serious about his job in general.
In Spring last year we were the last two left after a work night and just stayed talking for hours more. When he was in the bathroom a group of guys came over and when he came back they asked if I was his girlfriend and he said no, it was a policy of his that he wouldn’t ever shit where he eats. I was a little disappointed but as we hadn’t really talked much anyway and nothing massively flirty it was easy to accept.
In May I started a thing with another co-worker who I dated for about six months. It didn’t work out but didn’t impact our professional relationship at all. During this relationship man 1 and I spent a couple of nights together after work at the pub (last two standing type deal) but got on well on these occasions. Despite these situations being very platonic I didn’t tell 1 about my relationship with 2 - not sure why as most of the rest of the office knew.
At our Christmas party in early December, 1 and I ended up spending pretty much the whole night together talking, eventually getting onto our past relationships. I finally mentioned that I dated 2 as part of this so he clearly then knew I wasn’t adverse to office relationships as at the end of the night we were the last two again - but this time 1 kissed me. It was definitely initiated by him as I wouldn't have ever made the first move based on our previous chats.
We ended up going home together and having pretty good sex that night and again in the morning. Two days later on Friday it was someone’s leaving drinks and we ended up leaving after only an hour so we could spend time just the two of us. As soon as we left he kissed me really intensely in the street like he’d been dying to for ages... and then the week following all this he asked me out again one on one.
Due to Christmas we weren’t in the office for a couple weeks and didn’t text either. Unfortunately during this time I got an std test and found out he had given me chlamydia. I waited till we were back in the office so I could tell him in person. His reaction was quite refreshing, very concerned for me (it was clear he didn’t know he already had it). He kept messaging me that night and was generally mature about the situation.
We started having more personal chat at work than ever before so I asked him out spontaneously one evening. He had family commitments but said he definitely wanted me to ask him again. I promised I would and genuinely believed he meant it.
This Friday it was another leaving do and he came straight over as soon as he saw me in the pub and again we spent a lot of time talking and he found reasons to touch my hand or make lots of contact when going past me.
Later in the evening he was outside smoking and I started talking to one of our other coworkers. The conversation ended up a little weird despite this man having a long distance partner so to shut this down I said I was seeing 1 but I was a little concerned he wasn’t as in to me. This coworker said I didn’t need to worry, he could tell 1 obviously liked me based on the way he was looking at me that evening and would be an idiot to turn me down.
After this conversation 1 finally asks me if I want to leave with him but it’s pretty late and I’ve gotten really unexpectedly drunk. He asked why me and the other coworker looked so close. It’s bit fuzzy but I think I said ‘don’t worry we were just talking about his girlfriend... and you’. He got flustered and said ‘why me?’. There’s then a chunk missing in which I think I may have talked about my ex, colleague 2, for some reason but I do then remember him asking if I want a relationship. I said ‘yes’ but am too drunk to elaborate.
His face just dropped and he repeated about three times in a row ‘I can’t date a colleague’ and we called it a night. Again, what happened exactly after he said that is a mystery but we definitely went our separate ways.
By Saturday evening I’m feeling increasingly more upset about what happened and not knowing so I text him to say that I don’t remember exactly what our conversation was, that I was incredibly drunk and really concerned that I said something wrong.
He replied saying it’s not my fault but just he never wanted to get involved with anyone at work and that he didn’t want to come back with me and then mess me about. I clarified that by ‘relationship’ I meant carrying on what we were doing and seeing if it went anywhere more naturally - that I was open to the possibility rather than seeing him as my boyfriend already. To this he said along the lines of: ‘yeah I completely understand you now but I do think I just want to go back to my old policy and not mix the two, 100% a me thing, nothing you’ve done at all’.
I felt ok yesterday after this convo but I woke up feeling terrible and have basically been crying all day.
I’ve always known that he has massive hangups about getting involved with a colleague as he told me when we were just friends but I thought as he managed to overcome this enough to sleep with me we were done with that? I’m really dreading seeing him on Monday - I’ve basically been rehearsing a ‘take me back speech’ in my head all weekend and don’t trust myself not to make an absolute idiot of myself if he genuinely doesn’t want me. I honestly might call in sick tomorrow, don’t know what to do.