Do women really dislike other women for no reason at all?

[Colarola]

I work in a care setting and then is a lady who works there, who is kind to everyone and really lovely with the residents. But a small number of ladies have taken an instant dislike to her, when she talks, I've noticed eyes rolling and smirks to each other. One lady last week whilst having a conversation about Mc D, said to her, I didn't think you would go to Mc D as you're so posh! Shes not just well spoken. The other day in handover, the manager said to her "what do you prefer to be called?" "Charlotte or Charlie"? Just at that moment, two ladies burst into laughter?? I could see the lady look a bit upset. I've also noticed when she says hello to some, they just ignore like shes not there, shes quite quiet but friendly. What I've been wondering, do women really dislike other women just for the sake of it, like their accent or just for no reason? I could take a dislike to someone if they are unkind to residents for example but never just for the sake of it.....

JohnMcCainsDeathStare, why do you think being "demisexual" would have anything to do with the price of fish? Surely nobody in a workplace would know (and judge) anything as personal as how you conduct your love life? Why would the issue ever come up?

Some heterosexual women compete with each other for male attention. It's nature. Lol. I've never bothered. If women don't like me then I ignore them.

My mother hates women.

Her female friends are always less intelligent than her, less attractive than her and live in less desirable areas. She is drawn to women around whom she can feel superior; benevolent.

In her mind, all affairs are the woman's fault (although, when my dad had an affair it was my fault because it couldn't possibly have been hers...); women "get themselves" pregnant and raped.

She is critical of women who are intelligent; who use more sophisticated vocabulary and who have a "man's job", for example, because it's "not fair" on men and makes them feel inadequate.

She is disparaging of 'career women' because she thinks it's a woman's 'duty' to get married, stay at home and raise a family. She doesn't agree with women going to university.

She regards men largely as the hapless victims of women: dependent on women and incapable of looking after themselves; taken advantage of materially.

She has no time for women whose partners/husbands have an equal role in the household - that is women being demanding and not allowing their partner to be the man.

Bottom line is, many women do dislike other women and a lot of the time it's because of internalised misogyny, not because of something the woman has done beyond not observing her place as 'a woman'.

Sounds like the problem could be that she's well spoken. Some people instantly judge someone who is well spoken and decide that they know everything about them (must have gone to private school, must be rich, must know nothing about "the real world", never experienced hardship etc). I think it's a defence mechanism - they feel insecure about themselves so immediately assume that someone they perceive as "posh" must look down on them, so they start attacking them for being posh, and get ridiculous defensive about everything that person does or says. It's reverse snobbery and it is quite common in the UK (where I am from). I've also seen it in Australia, where I live now, so maybe it happens everywhere.

Luckystar777 What male attention is being competed for here?

It's socialised. What a great way to keep women down in society. Just keep them busy fighting with each other so they won't organise and demand better.

She's being bullied. You can take an instant dislike to someone but still be courteous and well mannered in their presence. No need for abusive behaviour. Everyone has the absolute right to feel safe and happy in their work, sounds like her colleagues are intentionally attempting to life difficult. I feel really sorry for this woman. Has no one stood up for her or reported those vile women?

I don't think it's a man or woman thing. I've seen groups of men bully women and then of course dismiss it as "banter".

@madcatladyforever

Yes they do, I deal with it at work by going full on charm offensive while hating their guts. They usually fall for my charms. I have quite a few "good friends" at work I actively dislike.

This^^!

It takes confidence though.
No way in my teens and 20’s would I have attempted this approach but over the course of my 30’s I began to realise that this defence suits me well.
I can spot the bitches a mile off, and of course their attention turns to others when they get nowhere with me.
I try to be extra kind to their ‘targets’ as the bullies will never change.

Is it the residents who are being horrible to her or other staff members? I wasn’t quite sure from your post.

But to answer your question, yes it’s not uncommon at all for women (or men for that matter) to take an instant dislike to someone perfectly pleasant based on something that makes them feel inferior. Attractiveness, dressing in a very elegant but understated way, superior intelligence, a more sophisticated vocabulary, and the biggie here - class.

Anyone perceived as ‘posh’ which can mean too well spoken, too clever or too rich will be labelled a snob. It won’t matter that they’ve never displayed any snobbish qualities, just their poshness/obvious intelligence alone will be considered enough to make it an assumption.

It brings out the insecurity in some people. Those women would have been the same ones who bullied the kid at school for being posh because they worked hard or spoke well.

But interestingly, there is a category of woman who is universally loathed and distrusted by all other women and it’s the ‘Dog Whistle’ woman. There was a Cosmo article linked to on another thread recently that described the Dog Whistle Woman and I was nodding furiously throughout it, going ‘Yes, YES!!!! Exactly!’

We all know one. She’s the woman who says ‘I get on better with the blokes. I find them more straightforward and better company. Women never seem to like me for some reason. They are all so uptight. I think they are jealous because I’m very attractive but at the same time I manage to be down to earth and funny and I’m one of the boys.’

The truth is no other woman likes you because you are an outrageous flirt and blatant attention seeker with an overly high opinion of yourself and you clearly have zero interest in the other women in the room. You’d rather be snake charming their husbands just for the kicks.

WhereShallWeMoveTo I think much of that is a result of insecurity. You see it in younger women a lot.

But it is also because of the patriarchy. We are told so often that anything women like or do is shit. Pink stuff is shit. Twilight is shit. One Direction are shit. Cocktails are shit unless they involve whisky which is manly and cool. Taking care of your appearance is shallow and yet necessary but still why do women care about their eyebrows and their hair. Ugh. Boring and shit. But when men buy a thousand pound watch or a half a mil Ferrari (or however much Ferraris cost)? Cool. Statusy. Manly.

So I get why women dismiss those things and other women. Because they feel like if they do, maybe men won't attack them, maybe they'll be invited into the boys club and accepted as a whole person and not this pink, fluffy, dim stereotype that we paint of women.

When I meet women like this, I just try to say something like "I like spending time with women" or "I've never really met these so called gossipy jealous women".

I was probably like them once, and when a few other women said that kind of stuff to me, it made me realise what I was doing.

I get the frustration. I loved the passage in Gone Girl about exactly this type of woman. And yet I feel like we've looped back around to sometimes this just being another type of woman hating.

@AlexaAmbidextra Totally agree. I once worked in an all female department and it was great. It was very supportive, fun and felt like you could say anything and people would get it. I had a great time working there.

There are women who do this. I don't think it's the majority, or I hope it's not, it's the minority, women who take an instant dislike to another woman, often due to the fact they perceive her as more attractive, or better in some way, so they wish to bring her down.

I've also been on the receiving end of it.

I'm usually perceived as relatively attractive, and there has been many instances of bitchy comments, but the most memorable I have mentioned in here before.

Whilst on holiday with my husband and daughter, walking through the resort to the restaurant, a woman and her husband were standing having drinks. As we were approaching the woman looked me up and down, gave me a filthy look and announced loudly so we all heard it "that woman is dressed far to young for her age" with a massive sneer and staring at me. My husband and daughter just looked at her and looked at me, and we kept walking, her husband looked embarrassed,

I was wearing a white a line skirt to my knees and a brown vest top and flip flops. There was nothing young about my outfit, nothing indecent, nothing tight, it was just typical holiday attire. But still she felt the need to insult me as I walked past her. And she meant it as an insult. I was in my forties, this woman her fifties.

There have been so many instances, random strangers, women who give you a filthy look, who insult you as you walk past. It's really unpleasant but what they fail to realise is it says more about them than the woman they dislike.

There is always a reason, the reason may not br obvious, fair or make sense. You may not be even consciously aware of why but its there. It can be random, silly, petty or very valid. There are reasons but why is not the point, they should be professional.

Ivinghoebeacon there doesn't necessarily have to be a man physically there for them to feel the need to compete with each other or be jealous. They can still be jealous thinking that the other woman is somehow ''better'' than her and needs taking down a peg or two.

I wonder if men laugh at women who are like this, I'm thinking probably. Women should stop hating on other women, how great would that be? :)

I think some men quite like it.

It's nasty. The manager of the care home should have a word with the main culprits about : is there an issue? Unpleasantness? Bullying?

There doesn’t need to be a man there for women to be competing for male attention?

When I was younger, I was very pretty with a nice figure and well dressed and I would often get dirty looks from other women just for walking into a room (in a completely normal, unassuming way). Those days are long gone now but I still remember the hostility.

@fromagefreak Or maybe they just sensed that you were quite proud of your looks?

I was pretty and skinny too and I don't recall ever having had that reaction from other women. If anything, every time I went to the toilet in a club or whatever, I'd get a ton of compliments.

I think it's usually an insecurity and self esteem issue. But it does need to be dealt with before it gets even nastier for your colleague or more people join in.
Hopefully the residents where you work aren't picking up on this.

Someone I've known for 3 years who I'm currently trying to fade out of my life, is so horrible about other women. Especially those she deems as more attractive or who appear better spoken/more educated than her.

As another poster mentioned can be jealousy. I remember my first day at my new job when I was 18 and the lady I got introduced to ( was going to be working with) when being shown around. Instantly looked me up and down, yes her eyes wandered from my feet to my head and she looked away. Never liked me and I always friendly to her.
Don’t know why maybe it was jealousy, not to be big headed but I was 18 slim and pretty.

I love the way slimness is cited so frequently in conjunction with attractiveness.