Husband seeing other people

[JJPC]

Please be gentle with me, I’m very emotionally fragile at the moment.

On New Years Day my husband announced he wasn’t happy with me, didn’t love me anymore. Over the following days he said he wanted to end our marriage. I had a bit of a breakdown.

The proposed plan for now is for him to stay with us in the family home because

A) he wants to stay with the children
B) he claims to be worried about me

I was ok with this plan but said that should he decide he wanted to start a new relationship elsewhere then I would need him to leave as it would be too hard for me. In the meantime we’re living as a family, I do his laundry, cook his meals, etc, we go out with the children but there is no physical contact between us.

He has said this isn’t fair, that I’m blackmailing him and limiting his freedom. Am I being unreasonable here?

I just don’t know what to do.

You don’t need to buy him a laundry basket. That was just confrontational.

You don’t need to get him to agree to do his laundry. Just stop doing his. Leave it at the bottom of the basket.

When he says “ where are my clean shirts ? “ reply “ I don’t know” and wander off.

If he says “ they are not in my wardrobe as usual “ say “ ok”.

You are not going to convince him that he’s unreasonable. He KNOWS. He just doesn’t care.

Don’t tell him you are not cooking his dinner. Just eat with the kids before he comes in. When he comes home and asks what’s for dinner, say you are not hungry and go off to your bedroom /bath the kids.

You don’t need to get him to agree to every change.

You need to learn to go grey rock.

Do not I repeat NOT tell him anything about a solicitor , either before or after.

I'm sure someone's already said this but you need to be aware that:

• If you want to divorce, you can still live together while separated (though sounds like a bad idea here) but you must stop socialising, shopping, cooking etc together. You have to separate your lives, act like two housemates who don't know each other very well.

• If you are going to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour or adultery then I think if you stay together, or appear to stay together after separating, by not separating your lives enough (like you are doing), after something like 6 months you can no longer use those reasons for divorce.

Your mentally ill because of him once he goes your health will improve and you will recover. In the meantime get the tenants to change their rent payments to your account what he is doing is fraud do you want to be complicit in criminal activity

@JJPC is ownership of the rental house solely in your name? Do you submit your own tax returns or does your H do it for you. Or has HMRC told you you don't need to submit them?

The house rental thing is fully legitimate, we consulted tax specialists and had it all drawn up by a solicitor. I complete tax returns. Whilst married I had no issue with him having the money as it was our money but i will be unable to receive any tax credits, etc whilst it’s down as my income so on the event of us divorcing I guess I either need to receive the money myself or have the legal stuff changed so it’s not my income anymore.

Pollaidh, thank you for your advice. That’s useful information which I wasn’t aware of and I shall keep it in mind. I guess at the moment I’m more focussed on achieving a proper separation rather than planning a divorce but perhaps I should consider the end goal too.

Don’t sign any legal documents or agree to anything without consulting your own solicitor. By this I mean a solicitor who is instructed by you alone and paid by you alone, that you speak to alone. NOT what your husband tells you his solicitor said.

Also don’t agree to anything about finances even if you don’t have any issue with it. Your own instincts about what’s fair and reasonable will have been affected by living with your Dh for years. You are used to putting him first all the time and it will be very tough to start putting yourself and the children first.

At the very least, come and ask here.