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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Scared - what to do

117 replies

scared2020 · 26/01/2020 01:08

I can't say everything but basically my DH has become extremely angry with me shouting, swearing, thrown my shoes outside the back door , kicked cardboard boxes down the hall.
He just called me a ' piece of fu**ing shit '.
He's had a couple of glasses of red wine earlier on.

OP posts:
Igmum · 26/01/2020 02:55

I've reported it OP (just swipe left). Do you have money for a hotel? Can you take your son? So sorry you're going through this Thanks

Original poster
scared2020 · 26/01/2020 02:57

I don't know if this is a police matter or what.

OP posts:
WorldEndingFire · 26/01/2020 03:07

He was abusive towards you. That's not normal behaviour.

If you have a Travel Lodge near you then you may be able to get a cheap room for a couple of nights to sort things out. Hope you are managing.

user1498581287 · 26/01/2020 03:08

Oh, that is difficult, a brain injury, Do you think tomorrow that he will acknowledge that he frightened you so much? ]

even if he's supposed to be better. maybe he needs to go to his doctor and asked to be referred to see someone, to check how he is and maybe offer some support, because something like loosing his temper quickly or badly is something that could be a neurological symptom, I think.

It's good he doesn't normally drink much though, I wonder if even if he's generally better, if he responds more poorly to alcohol, post injury because alcohol affects your brain,

user1498581287 · 26/01/2020 03:16

I just read your last post, please will you tell me if you want me to get any of my comments removed/reported , if they have to much information in?

Also agree with pp who suggested travellodge for a night or two at least, you shouldn't be feeling worried in your own home and particularly if you've been ill, you need to sleep.

Original poster
scared2020 · 26/01/2020 03:17

Yes it was2017/ 2018.
He would get v angry if I suggested the dr and has done in the past. He was a bit unreasonable and belligerent before being ill , I was considering leaving, then he got worsening personality changes , then the diagnosis and illness etc, then somewhat better , back to responsible job.
This is one of more out of control episodes I've seen. I think he was quite drunk.

OP posts:
Idontkowmyname · 26/01/2020 03:30

My main concern is that he will use the screwdriver which is within easy reach as a weapon. Could you go into ds’s room so that there is “safety in numbers”? If I’ve understood correctly he’s 18 years old

user1498581287 · 26/01/2020 03:39

That's quite recent really isn't for a brain injury, it must a complicated area to heal. It's really unreasonable of him to not want to go t o the doctor though, because even if it's upsetting for him- his behavior and health doesn't only affect him, it's affecting you and your quality of life, and he can't say it isn't potentially putting you in danger.

I do think though, if you ever think about leaving for a break or more permanently, don't tell him before- because there is so much evidence that women are in the most danger at the point they show they are intending to leave, so it's something you have to organize as secretly as possible, the most important thing is your safety,

user1498581287 · 26/01/2020 03:48

Yes, the screwdriver is worrying, it's a bit odd to have taken it with him , but even if that was just a bit of a slightly drunk thing to do, it's not good that it's just there , because I think if someone was going to be violent they could just grab something near. (also it is a bit of a worry that there could have been a feeling of wanting to sort of arm himself -which is worrying)

DianaT1969 · 26/01/2020 08:47

It sounds as if you are at the end of the road with him. I hope you make (secret) plans to leave and you get out fast.
Regarding the door thing, did you ask him to take it down before he was drunk? He refused, so you took it down? I wouldn't get into another battle over that today. Just concentrate on how to separate.

Original poster
scared2020 · 26/01/2020 10:11

I went into sons room at 4 am. So tired as was just I'll all last week. Feel shocked and not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
scared2020 · 26/01/2020 11:23

So the plan to leave was a few years ago before he was ill. No recent plan as things better after his recovery.
I don't know who to 'tell ' if anyone?
I couldn't find my work shoes, they were so far down the garden I couldn't see them.

OP posts:
MitziK · 26/01/2020 11:39

Police.

He sounds dangerously unwell at best. They'll be able to get you two safe and him assessed.

Tell them he's taken a screwdriver up with him. That way, they won't be at risk of getting stabbed with it.

Original poster
scared2020 · 26/01/2020 11:46

He's gone out to get his car.

OP posts:
BobbyBlueCat · 26/01/2020 12:02

OP, you might not know what to do but everyone on here are telling you what to do so you don't need to be confused about it.
Phone the police!

DianaT1969 · 26/01/2020 12:04

You aren't making much sense OP. Your work shoes...who to tell? You are in control of your life. What do you think you should do? Stay for the next time this happens?
What are your options regarding separation? What's the housing situation? Do you have family nearby?

MitziK · 26/01/2020 12:13

The police need to know his registration number and likely location, then. Somebody mentally ill, violent, aggressive and possibly with a known medical condition needs to be pulled over.

And what on earth was the door contraption? Something to bar it shut? Something to monitor you? A booby trap to stop police coming in to rescue you?

Just call the police.

Original poster
scared2020 · 26/01/2020 12:16

He'd been drinking. He's normal today.

OP posts:
Idontkowmyname · 26/01/2020 12:38

If he’s been drinking today op he shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a car particularly as he possibly still over the legal limit from last night.

DianaT1969 · 26/01/2020 12:39

So he is sober this morning. That's no surprise. The future isn't rosy because he's sober on a Sunday morning. How are your DC affected by this?

TARSCOUT · 26/01/2020 12:43

There are posts.missing which some are responding on. People are offering advice on very much half a story. Obviously.what he did was wrong but sounds.like a doctor rather than police is needed.

Pumpkinpie1 · 26/01/2020 13:17

Was the door devise to keep you in or let him hear if you were going out?

Original poster
scared2020 · 26/01/2020 13:30

No the device was to keep the door closed for the cold. But it was noisy, to my mind a bit odd , had long weight on the bottom of a long twine. I don't want it in the bathroom and would be dangerous fir my grandson .
He's not drinking today. Just last night which is unusual.
I think police would cause a massive kick off but I'll keep a close eye. Im going to call women's aid.

OP posts:
Original poster
scared2020 · 26/01/2020 14:06

He seems normal today if a little bit hostile still. Yes it could happen again but I think it's important not to rile him while I seek advice and assistance.
My friend is going to call in later. I've e mailed the clinical psychologist who has helped me through his previous illness. I'm going to call WA. I'm going to try to sleep as I was awake nearly all night.

Thankyou to those kind posters who helped me in the night.

OP posts:
user1498581287 · 26/01/2020 17:20

I'm glad things seem better, today, scared2020, and that your friend is coming, I hope he's able to get some support and things improve Flowers