Anyone intentionally got pregnant with someone they were seeing, when they didn’t know or care if the relationship would last?

[User72000]

I want a baby but I don’t really care about the support of a father. Obviously I would never block him being part of child’s life, but I would happily bring the child up alone, financially and otherwise, with minimal support.

Anyone done this instead of going down sperm donor route?

I realise this won’t be something a lot of people agree with, but I see it as better than sperm donation for lots of reasons and it is better for the child imo

Also I am not fussed about a long term relationship which is part of my thought process here.

What are your reasons for having a child this way as opposed to a sorry donor?

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I know quite a few people who mutually decided to start trying for a baby very early on (too early know whether things would work, I’m talking a month or two). They’re all still married as it happens. But the key was that it was a mutual decision. Lying about using contraception/putting holes in condoms is unacceptable.

I think it would maybe be easier and the child would know if it’s father from me personally?

I wouldn’t ask anything of him and would take all responsibility unless he wanted to be involved.

By the way there isn’t a person in the picture at the moment..I just look back on all the relationships I’ve ended after a few months despite the man wanting to continue. And i just wonder if next time I should consider this.

And are you going to share this plan with the lucky father-to-be?

I personally think it's selfish and a dangerous game to play

Ok I’ll bite why is what you’ve suggested better than a sperm donor?

What is his views on the matter. You say you may not care at the moment but what if he wants to be more involved and what if you have parenting disagreements?. Why not get a Donar or adopt.

There’s nobody in the picture at the moment! See above.

*i was one of those couples btw, DH proposed after like two weeks and I didn’t see the point in waiting to have children. Very happy marriage.

If someone wanted to be involved I would be fine with that of course

If it's discussed and agreed, that's very different to a "contraception failure". It's not inherently bad, but to deliberately make someone a father, without involving them in what has been a deliberate decision, is a bit shit.

Yeh, nothing could go wrong with that.

If you’re ok with bringing up the child yourself? And don’t expect anything? I know morally it is a bit shit. But I don’t see anything going massively wrong.

Try and put the needs of a future child above your desire for a baby.

It can be soul destroying having a father who couldn't care less about you.

The thing that is massively wrong is that a man might not want you as the mother of his child.

You can't decide to make someone a parent without their knowledge/consent ffs

I can't see many men agreeing to this tbh.

I guess I saw it better for the child than sperm donation.

What if the dad turns out to be an abusive controlling wanker and you end up being court ordered to force your child into contact with them?

I would hope I wouldn’t date someone like that but I take your point

Nope not better. And co-parenting is a total nightmare with someone oppositional

If you didn't tell him what you intended, that would be despicable. He'd be having sex thinking contraception was in use when in fact that wasn't the case. If a man did that to a woman, we'd call that sexual assault, and rape (even if not the legal definition of rape).

If he knows, that's another thing. But you still run the risk of him wanting to be involved, wanting 50/50 custody, having completely different views to you.

With a donor, you wouldn't have these issues, the child would be yours to raise as you wished.