Anyone intentionally got pregnant with someone they were seeing, when they didn’t know or care if the relationship would last?

[User72000]

I want a baby but I don’t really care about the support of a father. Obviously I would never block him being part of child’s life, but I would happily bring the child up alone, financially and otherwise, with minimal support.

Anyone done this instead of going down sperm donor route?

I realise this won’t be something a lot of people agree with, but I see it as better than sperm donation for lots of reasons and it is better for the child imo

Interesting that you used the wording ‘minimal support’ in your op, when up until that point I’d been assuming you meant ‘no support’.

It makes me wonder whether at some point you might perhaps go down the financial support route.

Making someone a father purposely and without consent, for your own selfish vision of having a baby is quite frankly despicable.

Imagine ten years down the line when your son/daughter is asking why daddy didn’t want to be a part of their lives?

It’s one of the most cruel and selfish things you could do.

Just go through a sperm doner if you are indeed happy to bring up a child completely independently and then at least you have a logical reason to give them when the child grows up and asks.

There is no ‘just’ about using a sperm donor.

@deareloise

Then if you can’t afford the sperm doner you can’t have the baby can you. It doesn’t make it ok to go and trick a man into getting you pregnant.

Plus if you’re worried about the cost of getting to a Clinton or paying for the sperm doner service, again rethink whether to have the child, because children themselves are no cheap and babies require a lot of equipment.

All in all a stupid idea and I hope no one seriously thinks like this. I have a 14 year old son and I would hate to think of him used in this way. Low.

Clinic not Clinton **

Autocorrect 😖

OP, this would make you a dick. Men have the right to decide to become a dad. Sperm donors have made that decision and the decision to not be involved. Don’t start your role as a Mother by being an arsehole.

How do men get tricked into fathering children with women they barely know?

No man should forgo condoms in a new relationship whether the woman says she's on hormonal contraceptives or not. He has no reason to think he can trust her, and he should take responsibility for his own sperm until he is sure he knows what is likely to happen to it.

Not to mention that many men will happily just not bother with condoms without even asking if the woman is on contraception...

In a drunk situtuation if OP says she's on the pill and he wasn't expecting sex that quickly he may not have condoms with him. I'm in favour of equal responsibility, but can see that sexual drive and drunk inhibition could sway the situtuation.

Imagine the child 18 years old hearing that it was a ONS as OP thought it was time to be a mum.

I don't think you quite realise how hard it is bringing up a child. You will need help and you would want to have a good relationship with this man and co-parent correctly for the sake of the child. It's deceitful if you're not planning on telling this man you're trying and he is unaware, you can't play people like that. It's a life changing decision.

@deareloise

Then if you can’t afford the sperm doner you can’t have the baby can you. It doesn’t make it ok to go and trick a man into getting you pregnant.

^I agree. Funny how the OP mentions minimal support instead of no support.

This must happen all the time though doesn’t it?! Look how many women get pregnant ‘accidentally’ weeks into a relationship. I reckon a high proportion of those did it on purpose!!
I have to admit I do totally judge anyone that does this, a child deserves 2 loving parents not a mother who was prepared to take a total gamble on what sort of a father a man might turn out to be. It takes time to get to know someone and really understand them enough to know that you want them to be the father of your children.

You sound too selfish to cope with having a baby and thinking of someone besides yourself.

If you are intending on intentionally and deceitfully getting pregnant OP that is disgraceful. Tbh I think it is a bit irresponsible either way-what sort of man would intentionally father a child with a wkman he hardly knows on the understanding he wouldn't be involved? (Not including sperm donors in that statement). What if you fonancially struggle in the future? Would you change your view on support then? What about grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins? It is very different when people have to work around these issues accidentally or because of circumstances/relationship breakdown, it is quite another to wilfully create such a situation.

I would have a rethink if I were you.

The decision to try for a baby should be made by both its mother and its father. Not by just one of them and for that person to trick the other into believing they are having sex which prevents a pregnancy (assuming that’s what you plan to do)

It’s really really despicable, scummy behaviour. If you have the money to raise a child properly you have the money to pursue sperm donation. Then the decision has already been made by the man to allow his sperm to be used to create a new life.

Imagine this the other way round, man is getting old and would like a child but his casual girlfriend doesn’t as she knows it’s only casual. She can’t take the pill because of high blood pressure/blood clots/hormonal migraines whatever, so relies on condoms. Imagine if he accidentally on purpose didn’t put it on properly so it came off midway through sex and she didn’t realise. Or if she went to the toilet and he opened the condom and pricked it with a pin. That would be considered outrageous because it takes away control of the potential pregnancy from the other person.

Even if you DON’T lie and tell him you are on the pill when you aren’t, and he has sex with you without a condom and knowing that you aren’t taking any precautions either, so he is in the full knowledge that there is a risk of pregnancy by having unprotected sex, would you really choose such a reckless and irresponsible man to be the father of your child? Because I wouldn’t, and I don’t know anyone who would.

Yeah, Lex is right. Without a father around you will need lots of family support. Who will look after a child if you are taken ill suddenly, or pick them up from school because your work meeting ran late which meant the traffic held you up. In lots of families where there is no father the family step in and offer this kind of help. YOU would be enlisting their help duplicitously. This isn’t like getting a puppy and asking your mum if she can mind it when you go away with your new boyfriend for the weekend. HAVE you considered the impact a child may have on your ability to go out there and find a REAL relationship, based on honesty and mutual respect?

I know somebody very close to me who did because the guy was super rich (yacht owning, numerous properties around the world etc) and she admits to it. Initial plan was to get pregnant, fight for child support and be a well off single mother as she presumed the guy wouldn’t want anything to do with the child as he’s from a different culture too.
Anyway, she got pregnant within 2 months of meeting him and he wanted to get married once he found out. Now she lives as one of his wives with their daughter in the Middle East. She’s given up a lot of her freedom for the baby/money and it didn’t turn out as planned... she didn’t want to marry the man, she wanted the money and the baby was a means to an end (sounds harsh but that was the plan). So be warned, it may not turn out as you plan.
Not that everybody who does this is looking for a yacht and huge child support payments, but it’s an example of somebody who has planned an ‘accident’ and it’s cost them their freedom and they now have a much more elderly husband too.

And are you going to share this plan with the lucky father-to-be?

This. Will you be telling the (currently fictional) father-to-be abut this or will you be lying to him?

All this bollocks about "he knows sex can result in pregnancy" is a ridiculous. People (men and women) should be able to trust the person they are in a relationship with. There is a huge difference between an accidental pregnancy and a lying, scheming partner deliberately getting pregnant/getting their partner pregnant.

I would say that despite above PPs judgemental opinions, quite a few babies and a lot more (now) adults were conceived this way.

It's traditional and a fact that men are less likely to want babies than women.
Shoot me down now for this but you know it's true.

At the same time, men do like sex, but don't always make the connection, (sex can = babies). Millions of women throughout time have played this.

Also men don't like condoms. Those of you who say otherwise obviously haven't shagged about much.

quite a few babies and a lot more (now) adults were conceived this way.

Do you think that makes it OK? I don't. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, it is irrelevant.

It's traditional and a fact that men are less likely to want babies than women.

And?