Anyone intentionally got pregnant with someone they were seeing, when they didn’t know or care if the relationship would last?

[User72000]

I want a baby but I don’t really care about the support of a father. Obviously I would never block him being part of child’s life, but I would happily bring the child up alone, financially and otherwise, with minimal support.

Anyone done this instead of going down sperm donor route?

I realise this won’t be something a lot of people agree with, but I see it as better than sperm donation for lots of reasons and it is better for the child imo

Morally a BIT shit??? Morally very fucking shitty, I think you mean.

No, NFW. Stupid idea.

Ok. Aside from him having the power to use that child to control your life for the next 18 years, dragging you through the courts, preventing you taking them on holiday, making malicious accusations about your parenting/safeguarding, screwing the child's life up...

Why assume the random man you don't know anything meaningful about will be amenable to leaving everything to you or won't turn into an abusive nightmare? What if they want a level of involvement you didn't want?

Even if the intimate relationship ends you'll potentially still have to maintain contact with them for a couple of decades.

I think sperm donation would be better for the child.

That way h/she will know the lengths you went to to bring them in to the world. Not that you got pregnant which can be fairly easy, ykwim. (not for everybody I know).

Also, can you imagine saying to your child in 15 years time that it was just some guy. My dd is 16 and although her father turned out to be an arsehole, at least we know who he is.

First of all if a guy was to have unprotected sex in a new relationship he’d be fucking stupid. As would you be for risking your sexual health.

I’m also unclear if you would try and do this by deceit- and if so it’s absolutely shit on both parts.

What about if the kid goes searching for their father later in life.
What about the consequences on the fathers future family/wife/partner when they knock on the door?

It’s about consent - it’s not for you to take choices from them.

Personally I think it’s wrong to knowingly get pregnant as a single parent, and that includes sperm donation.

Vastly different if the woman falls pregnant and the relationship breaks down either during or after the pregnancy, but bringing a child into the world in the belief you are all they need just to fulfil your own need for a child is hugely selfish.

The man will be your child's father. Who might very well want to be a large part of his own child's upbringing.

Perhaps you might also want to think about the conversations you'll need to have with your child in the future around their conception and their identity.

Would you be ok if he didn't want to continue a relationship with you but wanted 50/50 shared residency of the child?

It's not very fair on him or the child to get pregnant 'accidentally on purpose' and is immoral, if you want a baby go about it in the correct manner.

Yes because I would only do it with someone where a relationship had started so I would be as sure as I could about them and be aware that they had full rights to be in the child’s life if they wanted

Ok, but that doesn’t fix the problem of forcing a man to share a child with you if he doesn’t want to/the child being rejected by their father (know a couple people who had this happen with minimal contact dads and they were quite screwed up by it).

Sperm donor sounds like a much better bet than tricking a man in the way you've outlined.

Sorry it's not on doing this to any man. How would you feel if a man used/abused u like this? Should never happen unless u prepared to be honest with him in 1st place.

Morally a grey area, but I do think if a male has consensual sex with a woman knowing that she isn't on birth control or doesn't care to ask then he should be prepared to accept that a baby/child will be the consequence

I don't think going out having unprotected one night stands is your answer, but if you're dating or seeing a man who doesn't care to ask about birth control then so be it, as long as you're not lying about using a contraceptive

I decided NOT to do this and I'm meeting a sperm donor next week hopefully.

I think it would be better to down the sperm donor route. At least then you will be aware of some of the medical history of the father.

A friend of mine realised she was only seeing men to look at them as potential fathers to give her a child, and decided after that to go through sperm donation. She now has a gorgeous 10 year old DS.

There so so much wrong with this I don’t even know where to begin.

You can’t know someone well enough after a few weeks to know fo they will be a good father or a crap father.
Will you know their full family health history? Most people have kids after a few years and so will know a general history.
Will you really know if they are a peadophile?
What if they fight you for custody’s and want sole custody?
What if they have an awful family and if he has parental rights they will have access and influence over the child.
If he walks away the child will have to deal with that for the rest of thier life and believe me it will affect them.
What if they have a terrible STD?

If a woman got pregnant by accident and the father forced her to have the child there would be uproar. I don’t see this as any difference emotionally ) although there is a difference physically. But how can you dare to think you can force someone to have a child they don’t want

You haven’t said if you plan to ask this hypothetical casual fling type man for his sperm for your baby making plans, plan to meet a man who will irresponsibly shag your without protection without discussing the risks/opportunities (yuck, who else might he doing that with), or lie about contraception then go oops. Which is it? Would you tell him when you got pregnant or dump him and hope he doesn’t ever find out about his baby?

Don't do it. That has happened to me unintentionally and it's horrible. I'm more than capable of caring for my child on my own and don't want a romantic relationship with the father. He's still in the picture but pregnancy is a very emotional and lonely time when you are single. Not to mention it's completely unfair on the father to trap someone like this. You should always be honest and let them know you aren't on any contraception and at least let them decide if they want to take the risk.

You can't decide to make someone a parent without their knowledge/consent ffs

You’re right, you can’t decide to make a man a parent without their knowledge, unless you lie about being on contraception or steal their sperm.

Adults know that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy. If a man doesn’t want to impregnate a woman he barely knows he can take steps to prevent that.

This is just awful (assuming you wouldn't tell the man your intentions).

Flip this around and consider if a man did this to a woman and pretended to wear a condom because he made the decision to have a child... and justified this by saying that the woman doesn't need to be involved in the child's life.

It's absolutely fine for you to decide you want to be a mother- use a sperm donor who has chosen that they're willingly fine to donate their sperm.

You cannot make decisions that impact other people's lives significantly- it is so so wrong.

It sounds harsh, but if you think this behaviour is ok then I would seriously consider whether you're ready to be a mother. You have to be able to put a child's needs before your own. Clearly you're not able to even consider how the person you're dating / in a relationship with, would feel about being deceived.

I get that you want to be able to tell your child about their dad. Children ask questions. However, IMO children also need to be able to respect and look up to their parents. If you told your child that you willingly deceived someone so you could get what you want, what lesson would you be teaching them? That it's ok to lie and not consider other's feelings? Do you think he/ she would respect that?

For the record, I think it's brilliant that you want to be a mum. Go for it. But please don't lie to achieve that. Just use a sperm donor. One of my good friends has just gone through this process and is a very happy mum to a 9 month old and is doing an amazing job.

Has anyone ever done this? Of course, loads of people have.
Is it fair on the father - no. For loads of reasons. He may experience rejection from women who don't want to date a father, he himself may not want his future children to have a half sibling. He may decided to try and stay with you to support the child. He may walk away and experience huge guilt and depression. Or 111 other scenarios.
Is it fair on the child? No.
Is it fair on you? I'd wager that that it might not turn out how you hope and that you will be frustrated if the dad has involvement and you don't like it.
It took me years to find a house I wanted to buy. Choosing a dad for your child is a bigger decision than that, you owe it to all of you to choose wisely and carefully.

You have stealthily dodged the question about whether you’ll be bringing the man in on this plan of yours and getting his agreement, which I guess suggests you aren’t intending to.
What happens when he takes you to court for custody and possibly wins it? At a minimum, barring any issues with the man he’ll probably get 50/50.