How can I tell if he’s a narcissist?

[SillySupply]

I have name changed.

I have a long standing ‘friend’ who I’m not sure if he’s a narcissist and/or is exhibiting narcissistic behaviour, or whether he’s just not a very nice person who isn’t interested in a relationship with me.

In the beginning he showered me with attention and I felt amazing. It’s like he was the first man I had ever met who was genuinely interested in me as a person. He wanted to know everything about me. I thought that we were attracted to each other but we both had partners at that stage so nothing concrete happened.

Over time he always gave me enough crumbs to keep me interested. Then about 6 months ago he changed somewhat and did less of the initiating of conversations and meetings. I hadn’t changed at all. It was like he had got tired of me for no apparent reason.

He shows no empathy. He wanted me to do a couple of things that I wasn’t comfortable doing but he pushed and pushed until I went along with it.

I suspect that he just really wanted my attention all along but now has no need for it.

I’m really confused. Does he sound like a narcissist?

Oh wait you're not in a relationship and never slept with him?

He's just not interested op.

It’s never too late to start on working being treated better by men, by walking away from this one.

The only power this man has is the power that your low self worth keeps surrendering to him. Trying to diagnose this man is an excuse to continue to repeat behaviour that keeps you in the company of bad men.

Get counselling and start making better decisions.

Thanks everyone. This thread has helped me so much. I feel like I am seeing everything much more clearly now, narcissist or not!

Worry about yourself and start to move on

That is literally the only thing that you should be doing.

I'm sorry you see so many comparisons with my situation OP. I know it hurts to think of the good times and think 'that's not the real him'
It doesn't mean your feelings and his feelings weren't real. It means that in that PHASE he was idolising you. But a narcissist doesn't accept people as a flawed human being with good and bad points and empathy. When you show your human side and they don't like it they feel like they've picked a person who's not perfect.

My ex loved me when I was (his idea of perfect) but he couldn't love the real me because I disappointed him and angered him.

Afterwards there were explanations half apologies but even they were tinged with a 'well it was you fault in the first place' kind of thing.

I'm trying to say it was real but a it's the narcissist not being able to keep up with their perfection ideal and their reaction to your 'failings' changing things

My ex was trying to change things about me, my relationship with my daughters dad and my daughter and it would have never been good enough.

OP I think I was suggesting he might just be a normal guy who changed his mind. It is interesting that you took from my comment that he could be a great guy, because I certainly didn't say that, or comment either way. Also you have indicated that you think there are just two possibilities - he isn't nice or you aren't good enough for him - whereas there are many other possibilities just as likely. I think if you really want to properly understand his motivation and your motivation here, you need to talk to a professional in real life.

The 6 month mark - this can be a watershed in all sorts of relationships and also other things such as new jobs, new hobbies - you start with a honeymoon stage and then as things bed down, it can either develop into something good or it falls away.

The thing is that I didn’t fall for a bastard. In the beginning he was utterly lovely to me and I got hooked. For the first 6 months it was like we were fascinated by each other.

Imo there are just as many red flags to be found in attentive and 'loving' behaviours as there are in nasty behaviours. Love-bombing, protective behaviour, over-intimacy, over-sharing, obsessive fascination etc at an early stage are important warning signs. Not least because none of those things will last in a proper relationship. They are cynical and calculated ways of reeling you in.

He also accidentally called me one of his admirers. And another time said that I was very easy to influence

I do enjoy talking about him, trying to understand why he is the way he is, why he has changed.

He hasn't changed. He's been showing you who he is all along but you didn't want to believe it.

OP you say his ex is timid shell who agreed with everything he said, but also that he never talked about her - how have you formed your opinion of her, did you know her?

I agree with pp about early very full on lovebombing - for example someone I know has a narcissistic ex who hung off every word she said in the early days, took her to places he thought she'd love and bought her gifts which were very thoughtful and touching, huge bunches of stunning flowers he had handpicked at the flowershop - so all very OTT and flattering - yet as soon as she was pregnant he started saying she had a disgusting fat arse, the maternity bra was not sexy and she should nicer normal ones and he started to turn around all the things he had formerly liked eg the fact that she was a successful independent professional, and he had liked this, became "you have had life handed to you on a plate, you don't know the meaning of hard work" - does this all ring bells, is this what he was like with you?

However I am not sure about the interpretation of And another time said that I was very easy to influence because ime this is something a narcissist would play on, the fact that you were easy to influence (until you were destroyed...), not something they'd say out loud? It is a serious game they play, and they only invest effort in observing others if it serves them. I might be wrong there though. It is the sort of thing someone who doesn't always think before they speak would say.

I think this is the same OP that is making repeated posts about the same thing.
OP everyone is saying the same thing over and over. He's not interested, and you need to move on.