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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Massively awkward situation with new man...what would you do?

81 replies

User17303 · 15/01/2020 21:41

I’ll keep it short. Met a great man (after dating many!). We talk most days but have only met a few times. Next one arranged.

I suspected after date two that I had actually been on a date with his best friend from childhood. On date three this was confirmed (I did some online digging).

It’s awkward because they live a LONG way from each other...and although I travel for work, I am worried it looks very slutty or something else to have happened to have dated his best friend! I only met his friend once, nothing happened, not even a kiss, although we spoke on the phone over a 3 months and did aim to meet up again but distance made it difficult. I hadn’t heard from him in 6 months by the time I met this guy.

I don’t know what to do! Should I mention it?!

OP posts:

Original poster

User17303 · 15/01/2020 21:41

Next date arranged that should say!

OP posts:

OhioOhioOhio · 15/01/2020 21:43

If you really get on then I'd just say it. Otherwise it becomes a secret.

Notthetoothfairy · 15/01/2020 21:44

I think mention it once you know him better but it should be a non-issue (you met him once and didn’t even kiss!)

IdiotInDisguise · 15/01/2020 21:44

You are not even in a proper relationship yet. See how it goes, if you are both in it for the long term, feign surprise when he introduce him to you.

Now, if he has told you things or show you photos of him, you cannot pretend you didn’t know him. Just tell him you met once this guy that sounded very much like his best friend and take it from there.

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 21:45

Can you explain why you think it looks slutty, I don’t understand?

GetOffTheTableMabel · 15/01/2020 22:08

I think you can perfectly reasonably change the emphasis in your language. Rather than say you dated his friend it’s more that you chatted to his friend for a number of weeks, met once and it went no further.

What do you think his friend would say about you? Did the chatting ever get explicit or was it all just friendly getting-to-know-you stuff?

FixTheBone · 15/01/2020 22:18

If it didn't go anywhere with his friend, just mention it....

"Guess what, I went on a date with X once...."

Expect a follow up, how was it type of question, to which you can say, ok, but we never met up again, and that's it, done and dusted.

category12 · 15/01/2020 22:19

Massively overthinking it. You had one date and it went nowhere. Unless you're leaving out a hell of a lot of details, no idea where the "slutty" is coming from.

I presume he knows you've dated other men before him and doesn't think you were just waiting for him your entire life.

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 22:20

This thread is bonkers

Original poster

User17303 · 15/01/2020 22:21

I guess because they live so far apart he may wonder how I managed that!

OP posts:

Sadiee88 · 15/01/2020 22:23

I’d tell him now, get it over with.

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 22:25

What on earth does it matter how you “managed” it? Do you have an ankle tag or something?
Nuts...

Original poster

User17303 · 15/01/2020 22:26

Bit harsh!

OP posts:

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 22:28

Is it? Sorry. Just can’t see any possible issue, but clearly you can. How do you think he’ll react when he discovers you spoke to his friend before you met him?

Original poster

User17303 · 15/01/2020 22:29

I think he may think I’ve dated hard, many many many miles apart. He might also feel like second best? Not sure. I’m just thinking I wouldn’t be overjoyed if he had dated my childhood friend.

OP posts:

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 22:31

Why don’t you just tell him then? You never know, he might surprise you and react in a perfectly normal manner...

category12 · 15/01/2020 22:32

aroundtheworldyet · 15/01/2020 22:33

You’re over thinking this
Massively. Why on earth would a normal human think that.
Just tell him. If he’s odd about it. Then guess what
Lucky escape!!!

MadeForThis · 15/01/2020 22:33

You didn't really date. He's not going to think your a raging slut because of a coincidence.

However he may wonder if you like his friend better and would be with him if it wasn't for the long distance.

So be careful how you explain it didn't work out. Say you were more like friends etc rather than distance.

Unless you do prefer the friend. That could get awkward.

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 15/01/2020 22:36

Yeah o dont really see the issue.

How on earth did you manage to work out who his best friend was by date 3?

Original poster

User17303 · 15/01/2020 22:37

Ok obviously people think this is a joke thread. That at least makes me think it’s less of a big deal than I thought. No need for more replies, thanks to those who gave decent views!

OP posts:

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 22:38

Decent views, eh?

ActualHornist · 15/01/2020 22:41

You are being really ridiculous!

It's really not unusual to travel to meet someone when you met them online, and if you didn't even kiss then there is no way in hell it's 'slutty'.

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 15/01/2020 22:41

Do you think it’s slutty OP?

I just ask as that really wouldn’t occur to most people, so it seems odd that you would think that he thinks it. Most people would just laugh at the coincidence.

morrisseysquif · 15/01/2020 22:57

Wow, what would you think if you had slept with him? How is it slutty? You are single and free to do what you want. Do you think the 'friend' you dated was slutty too?

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