Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Massively awkward situation with new man...what would you do?

81 replies

User17303 · 15/01/2020 21:41

I’ll keep it short. Met a great man (after dating many!). We talk most days but have only met a few times. Next one arranged.

I suspected after date two that I had actually been on a date with his best friend from childhood. On date three this was confirmed (I did some online digging).

It’s awkward because they live a LONG way from each other...and although I travel for work, I am worried it looks very slutty or something else to have happened to have dated his best friend! I only met his friend once, nothing happened, not even a kiss, although we spoke on the phone over a 3 months and did aim to meet up again but distance made it difficult. I hadn’t heard from him in 6 months by the time I met this guy.

I don’t know what to do! Should I mention it?!

OP posts:
NeckPainChairSearch · 15/01/2020 22:58

I am worried it looks very slutty

C'mon. Don't do this.

Women are NOT 'slutty' to have dated, kissed or had sex with men.

That word really should be dead and buried by now.

Chickoletta · 15/01/2020 23:01

Bonkers!

MsPepperPotts · 15/01/2020 23:04

Don't worry about it OP
Don't mention it to him because it's not really a big deal.

BreadAndOlives · 15/01/2020 23:05

I understand what you meant... what's the chances of meeting two guys over a large distance that happen to be good friends.... Just a coincidence though and your date will probably agree. I wouldn't worry at all.
As long as you don't see a picture of his brother and realise he's your ex Wink

ChicCroissant · 15/01/2020 23:07

I'd be more worried about looking stalker-like with the 'online digging', OP Hmm

Arseit · 15/01/2020 23:08

And you didn’t ‘date’ his friend. You met him once, chatted for a few months and it fizzled out. Don’t turn it into something it wasn’t and I’m sure the new fella won’t get in a tizz about it either - nor should he.

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 23:16

Yes, the online digging is very odd. And how on earth did you “suspect on the second date” that you’d met his childhood friend?
What clues did he give you?!

TheMustressMhor · 15/01/2020 23:19

Another one asking what is slutty about this non issue?

Sugartitss · 15/01/2020 23:21

Op you’re getting a hard time here unnecessarily.

Don’t sweat it, I wouldn’t say it just yet, see how things go.

Best of luck x

MrsEricBana · 15/01/2020 23:22

Because you're worried he'll ask the friend about you and you won't come out if it well? If not then definitely nothing to worry about.

Fatasfooook · 15/01/2020 23:23

Just be you and be honest.

KaptenKrusty · 15/01/2020 23:24

Seriously??? You are seriously acting crazy..this is not even close to being a problem or any sort of issue ! Relax x

74NewStreet · 15/01/2020 23:25

Can’t believe all the posters taking it seriously

Juicy2020 · 15/01/2020 23:26

Weird thread.

Massively awkward would be that you slept with his dad.

KellyHall · 15/01/2020 23:27

Good god, chill out. I know the start of relationships are always full of emotion but paranoia doesn't need to be one of them surely.

I'm sure he won't care at all, he might even wonder why you're bringing it up. And I don't think men would jump to the slutty conclusion as quickly as you think - it's something women think about women more often, I think.

Sparklfairy · 15/01/2020 23:27

Similar sort of thing happened to me. I did quite a bit of OLD, and have come across guys that know people I've met (and been on a date or two with). The best one though was I was chatting to my (girl)friend who doesn't date at all, and told her about a man I was meeting the next day. Turned out she had been on a date with him about a year prior! As our attitudes to dating were so different, she may well have thought oh Sparkl gets around a bit Confused but really that's her interpretation and issue and didn't bother me.

Nothing happened with the guy, he's not going to make an issue of it. The only way that would happen if he's insecure and weird, or if you make it into a bigger thing than it is. This friend is nothing more than someone you met once!

June705 · 15/01/2020 23:27

Chill out

BackforGood · 15/01/2020 23:28

Yes, the online digging is very odd. And how on earth did you “suspect on the second date” that you’d met his childhood friend?

That's what I was wondering Confused

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 23:28

I am worried it looks very slutty or something else to have happened to have dated his best friend!

OP - please, do yourself & the rest of womankind a favour & check your internalised misogyny?

Even if you has shagged his best friend senseless, presumably you were each single, so WTF is it to do with anyone else?
Is the best friend also a "slut" for having been on a date with you? Before you had even met current man?

There is absolutely nothing awkward about this.
"Oh, what a coincidence, I went on a date with your old friend once" is about the extent of it.
Big deal. Interesting trivia. Not awkward. Stop being daft.

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 23:29

feign surprise when he introduce him to you

FFS - why?

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 23:36

I think he may think I’ve dated hard, many many many miles apart.
Actually, you're right.
Everyone I've ever dated has demanded a spreadsheet detailing all my previous dates, cross referenced by miles travelled per date, & audited by a google maps consultant.

He might also feel like second best?
Not unless you line them up for inspection, hold up points placards & then allocate them their respective places on the podium he won't.

I’m just thinking I wouldn’t be overjoyed if he had dated my childhood friend.
Why?
How would he have been meant to know?
Should we start asking all dates for a list of their childhood friends in case we inadvertently meet & date them in the future?

Can you really not see how bonkers & intense you are being about a non-event that most people would consider a charming & amusing coincidence to laugh over together at the next date OP?

GoodDogBellaBoo · 15/01/2020 23:39

Massively? Really? It is bonkers. Are you very religious ny any chance, or do you secretly just enjoy drama?

neverornow · 15/01/2020 23:45

I'd be more worried about explaining how you came to realize who his best friend isGrinalthough everyone does some digging online these days.

Say nothing for now, see how it all goes and if things progress just say "this might seem a bit awkward but I believe I may have gone on a date with your friend.." etc etc I'm sure he would be fine with it. So many people are using OLD now I'm sure this kind of tho happens a lot. Doesn't make you seem slutty at all

lottiegarbanzo · 15/01/2020 23:48

I think it's sweet and suggests compatibility. You both get on with the same people.

Just think, if you hadn't found the new bloke yourself, you might at some point have been introduced to him by the mutual friend. Cute.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/01/2020 23:51

Oh and definitely 'sluttier' too have slept with every man within a one mile radius, than to have chatted to a few carefully selected men who happen to live in different places. HTH.