Is the date on or off!? Urgh

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

God I hate dating 😆

I matched with a guy in Hinge, he instantly started chatting with me.

We arranged a phone call on Saturday which went incredibly well. 2 hours later we agreed to meet up on Friday 24th and I’ll be in the city already.

He texted me the next day as he was travelling abroad. We chatted most of the day on text, and he asked if we could perhaps meet up sooner - this week. I said maybe we could meet on Thursday, but I’d confirm with him the next day as I need childcare.

I messaged him yesterday morning saying I can make Thursday, he takes 4 hours to reply back saying sorry for the delay as he has be walking a lot (he is still abroad) and that it’s good news I can do Thursday. We had very intermittent conversation after that, he sent me a message in the evening again saying sorry but he had been at dinner, reading a book and now chilling back at his hotel. I didn’t really know how to respond to that. So I haven’t replied, and now haven’t heard a thing from him today.

So I’m just assuming Thursdays date is off!?

I’d assume it was still on. It sounds like you agreed provisionally Thursday as he said it was good news you could make it; then you tried to engage him in more text chat which he didn’t read/have time to respond to immediately; when he did get around to seeing them he apologised that he hadn’t had time. Just message him and ask if you’re still on for Thursday and if so would 7pm at [name of bar] suit him.

I wouldn't be making an effort to chat to a person I met on hinge whilst abroad.

The convos sound a bit dry because he's probably just wanting to chill maybe?

I'd assume still on.

It may be that he wants to save some conversation for the date :) plus he is busy. Nothing funny going on that i can see.

Just text and confirm the date and go and have fun!

Ok cool thanks guys 😎 you’ve made me feel a bit better. We haven’t met I guess so makes sense he isn’t going to engage too much especially while he is abroad.

But I’m going to wait for him to initiate the next conversation. If I don’t hear from him tomorrow I’ll assume the date isn’t happening.

What if he does the same thing and assumes since he sent the last message that you’ll message him if you’re still interested? Surely one of you has to be the one to confirm first and it may as well be you, particularly since you need to know in good enough time to let the babysitter know either way?

I agree @Cherryblossom200 if he doesn't text to confirm tomorrow I wouldn't be going on the date.

You see I’m in two minds. Because I instigated the conversation yesterday, saying that I can make Thursday. Surely that’s a sign that I’m interested. His last message didn’t really give me anything to respond to, so I just left it and didn’t respond.

I’ve checked and he has been on what’s app a lot of this evening, so clearly not too busy to be messaging. I just feel he should be the one instigating the conversation today and he hasn’t.

I just feel is a man is interested he would be locking down the date with times etc and trying to make constant contact beforehand.

Don't overthink. If you like him, text him! Does it matter if you look keen etc? If it doesn't pan out then it doesn't.

Set your stall out early - if you like lots of text interaction then show that, it'll save angst 3 weeks in when you're still wondering if it's your turn to text.

I’m such an over thinker, mainly because of my past.

I tend to worry that men think I’m being too keen, to the point where they may actually think I’m not even interested.

Oh god... just send him a quick "Still on for Thursday?" Don't get into the whole thing where you both want to meet but you're both waiting for the other one to confirm, and then you end up not having the date and probably both feel shitty and rejected. Why put yourself through all this nonsense when a text would take literally seconds to do?

I’ll leave it tomorrow afternoon 😉 I’ll decide next steps then.

But I would hope a confident guy would step up and message me to arrange the date. Which btw is a bit up in the air, only agreed Thursday - no timings etc

But then again, he might be thinking exactly the same thing about you. If she was interested, surely she'd message me? A confident woman in 2020 who had stuff going on in her life wouldn't just sit around waiting for the man to do the asking... I admit that I gave up dating a long time ago because I'm an old fart who doesn't understand all these nuances, but I thought appearing keen was supposed to be a good thing?

Ok, I’ll see how tomorrow goes 😉 watch this space!

Instead of asking if he's still on for Thursday, send a text assuming he is and making a suggestion where to meet? I.e. "On Thursday how about we meet at X pub at 7?"

There's no reason he should be making arrangements/choosing a venue rather than you (if you believe in equality) and he's abroad focussed on other things.

If I'm abroad for work I barely have time to phone my own children, let alone text ppl off apps! I'd have shelved any further date planning til I got home.

Send him a text saying- how about x place at x time for Thursday. Honestly you are way over thinking this. Life is too short

IMO, he messaged you last, so it's now your turn to message, if anyone's. As a PP said, just msg him suggesting the details for the date. xxx

I just feel is a man is interested he would be locking down the date with times etc and trying to make constant contact beforehand

This was exactly my now H when I first met him - he knows he has a date on Thursday so he's happy . The times etc will come later . I was you and my H was him . I went with the flow then I did explain to him later how it can appear . He got a bit better but it's just how some men ( people) are with texting.

But I’m going to wait for him to initiate the next conversation. If I don’t hear from him tomorrow I’ll assume the date isn’t happening

Don't do this! He asked you out, he asked to meet you sooner, he's messaging even though he's away for work (although not as much as at the weekend) and he messaged last and you've not replied for 24 hours.

Just say 'so, Thursday, have you got anywhere in mind? I'm free from X time'

If he hasn't messaged you by tea time just text and ask 'what time would you like to meet tomorrow?'

(and something nice and fun in the message not just logistics!)

He messaged you last so it’s your turn to reply! Suggest a time for meeting and a venue? Then it’s up to him? However he is replying despite being away so it sounds v positive! I went on a lot of internet dates (met my husband on match) and this all sounds great!

Honestly if he was interested he'd be nailing this down. Don't chase. You've expressed your interest and given him a date. If he's this hard work before you've even met...

I assumed a date was off as I hadn’t heard from the guy to finalise, then he contacted me on the day as if it had been a firm arrangement. So I would say it’s on!

I would have replied to his last message "sounds like a nice relaxing day, what are you reading?" then you could get into a convo about interests etc. Just send a text saying looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and see what he says!

You sound like hard work and way overthinking this.
With OLD you have no idea if you'll like someone or not til you meet - so arrange to meet him.
Don't get snarled up in keeping 'score' of who texted when. I'd actually say that you were rude not to reply to his text and now to expect him to text you again. If you're score keeping you'll miss opportunities. If you want to meet him make arrangements. If you don't then move on. But don't sit there over analysing and expecting him to 'woo' you - you're an internet stranger to him