Guy stopped replying when I said I had gained weight

[Phoenixxx]

I am 5'7 and in my early 20s I weighed almost 2 stone less than I do now. I was a size 4 and admittedly very light for my height, I always had comments about how thin I was.
Now i'm a size 6 and gained a lot of muscle but also some fat which I find harder to shift, i'm still slim but curvier.

I have been talking to a guy since Xmas and we were supposed to meet tomorrow night. We were talking about exercise and finess, I mentioned this in a jokey way how I had gained almost 2 stone since I was 24 (5 years ago).

Anyway he just stopped replying and hasn't replied since. You can see from my pictures I am clearly slim, he may think they are old pictures but I think I look my age on them. They are also the pictures I have on social media so he could have looked me up if he wanted.

It may be because of something else entirely but just seems coincidental. Should I text him to ask if it's still on ?

Is it so hard to believe that just because you personally would be too thin at a size 6 then no one else might have a different frame and carry the weight differently?

That is the MN way, though.

Aha, the US use pounds, that's why I was wondering.

However you carry the weight, being a size 4 at one time at 5'7 is very small. And while people's builds vary size 6 is on the outer edges. I don't think it's unreasonable to wonder whether it's coming from ED issues.

Be glad he showed you who he is so early on.
He fuck off!
NEXT >>>>>>>>

Before I met my chap, I had a few casual flings with men I met on tinder. One I met twice but after the second meeting, he updated his POF profile (I found him on there in the interests of research but he didn't know that) to say he didn't want to meet women who were bigger in real life than their picture suggests. I'm a size 16 and my photos were current, but just unfiltered head/shoulder shots with minimal make up.

So I catfished him on POF. Made a profile using a random pic I found online of a fresh faced sporty girl. He bit. After a few conversations, sporty girl challenged him on his comments re size and asked didn't he realise women had enough scrutiny to contend with? He apologised and removed the comments.

But I wasn't happy so I made another profile this time of a middle aged wealthy woman, using a photo of a cracking pair of middle aged legs in stockings and heels. Leg woman had a v wealthy husband who worked away a lot so she was bored and needed a lover, but to secure discretion, she'd have to pay him and he'd have to sign an NDA. He was at first indignant and said he'd never accept money for sex, but he kept biting and she suggested £4000 pm for his services. He eventually said "call me when your husband goes away tomorrow" and gave me his number (which I already had of course). I withheld my number and called, and he answered. I hung up straight away but just wanted the satisfaction of knowing he was a creep who had a price.

I'm now very happy 3 years in with a decent chap so no time or need for such games anymore but I did enjoy it

Assuming OP is in the UK not US as she said lots of shops don't stock a 6.

I agree that he probably thinks you're using old photos and you're telling him now so he's not looking for someone skinny when you meet.

But size 6 is small/"skinny".

The ED question is pertinent because the advice for someone who has succeeded in putting on weight with an ED is different.

@sleepymoggy that's seriously fucked up what you've done

I just have a very active imagination @SwishSwishSheesh

What's a size 4 in the US? Size 8 isn't it? So if the OP is posting from the US, then size 8 at 5ft 7 is very slender but not unheard of.

Why are people insistent that she was using old photos? She clearly states the photos were current, and showing her size 6 (UK size 10) body.

Oh and @sleepymoggy, revenge may have been sweet, but you were over the top in seeking revenge on someone who indirectly insulted you.

Is it just me that expects a slight pause on the thread while everyone backs away hastily from sleepymoggy?

Actually never mind your weight OP (and I would worry about the possibility of an ED not your appearance btw) that post^^ shows exactly why people should be wary of people on dating sites who have the potential to be terrifyingly, well terrifying!

@CassidyStone we don't think she was using old photos. We think he thought she was.

@sleepymoggy what you did was weird and unnecessary.

Fuckin' hell sleepymoggy you have a shitload of unresolved issues.

But what harm was done other than the guy likely feeling a bit foolish? Both fake profiles were closed down. Don't underestimate how damaging to self esteem an indirect insult can be, particularly when derived from an intimate setting

@sleepymoggy There's nothing wrong with being open about your preferences. No point in wasting people's time that he's not going to be attracted to.

What you did to him is much worse than what he indirectly did to you. You even said he clearly felt uncomfortable with the second catfish and you kept applying pressure.
Maybe he had genuine cash flow issues and saw it as his only way out. What about his self esteem?

@TheVanguardSix back then yes self esteem, and if I had enough I wouldn't have engaged in casual sex in the first place. However the main issue then was I was bored with too much time on my hands!

Well I immediately thought you had a serious issue with weight op. From your very scant info so I wouldn’t be surprised he he did the same.

Perhaps if you'd seen his profile you'd see it slightly differently. I hadn't found him on POF when I first met him as didn't know he was on there but when I did the profile was deliberately unpleasant, to the point my first catfish almost got rumbled as he couldn't understand why a "nice" girl would be attracted to his profile. Things like "no vacuous airheads who like pop music" and "if you're going to try to rinse my bank account, fuck off". The comment re weight was "no fat chicks who look slimmer in their photos". His Tinder profile that attracted me was absolutely minimal but I matched because I'm a sucker for men with dark curly hair and he wasn't unpleasant when we met but not full of charm either. I've no idea whether my cat fishing killed his self esteem and he came off POF, or not. But I doubt it.

I think he thinks you're trying to warn him that you're "fat" now. All he saw was "gained two stone" and he probably see's a fat woman in his mind.

OR he's just busy? Doesn't know how to respond? Bored of talking about your fitness? Thinks you might be a bit too body obsessed?

It all sounds very shallow OP and vain. It's not something I'd be discussing with a potential partner.

Also I would NOT keep messaging "are we on?" it looks desperate, feeds his ego, and he'll think he can do better so will chase someone else.

He may have been put off by any talk of weight. Or he may have gone totally silent for an unrelated reason. No point agonising over it, move on.

He probably thought you were softening him up for being overweight when you met. That’s what I’d think if a guy mentioned they’d put in that much weight. I’d assume all the pics were older ones and you’d show up big.

@KylieKoKo 2 stone does sound like a lot

Unbelievable fat shaming!!!!!!!!!! This is how eating disorders are started

Probably because a lot of people lie on their profiles and put deceptive pictures (younger, slimmer...) and he thought that’s what you had done?

Well, 2 stone IS a lot. It is not necessary (unlesa the person was underweight before) and it is not healthy. And if it wasn't caused by a medical reason, it may indicate unhealthy eating habits and lack of physical activity which will only get worse if no changes are made. There is nothing about fat-shaming here.

The person was underweight before. Haven’t read the OP

@Broken2020 saying gaining a certain amount of weight sounds a lot is not fat shaming.