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Original poster

Guy stopped replying when I said I had gained weight

117 replies

Phoenixxx · 09/01/2020 18:44

I am 5'7 and in my early 20s I weighed almost 2 stone less than I do now. I was a size 4 and admittedly very light for my height, I always had comments about how thin I was.
Now i'm a size 6 and gained a lot of muscle but also some fat which I find harder to shift, i'm still slim but curvier.

I have been talking to a guy since Xmas and we were supposed to meet tomorrow night. We were talking about exercise and finess, I mentioned this in a jokey way how I had gained almost 2 stone since I was 24 (5 years ago).

Anyway he just stopped replying and hasn't replied since. You can see from my pictures I am clearly slim, he may think they are old pictures but I think I look my age on them. They are also the pictures I have on social media so he could have looked me up if he wanted.

It may be because of something else entirely but just seems coincidental. Should I text him to ask if it's still on ?

OP posts:
aroundtheworldyet · 09/01/2020 23:41

But a size 4 ? I mean that’s unhealthy. At 5/7

I would presume someone had issues if they were trying to lose weight at size six and used to be size 4

I would run for the fucking hills if I was an adjusted person

AutumnRose1 · 09/01/2020 23:44

Also wondering if OP is in the UK.

ThighThighofthigh · 09/01/2020 23:49

I would be put off by any reference to weight talk.

DeeCeeCherry · 09/01/2020 23:54

As you talked about your weight he probably thinks you put a bogus photo up. That's what I would think. He's no loss anyway, he's shallow af. But weight conversation with a new man likely isn't the best way forward. There was no need at all to tell him you'd put on 2 stone.

memaymamo · 10/01/2020 05:20

Get in your skimpiest bikini and take a photo of yourself holding today's newspaper. That'll show him.
Grin

redcarbluecar · 10/01/2020 05:55

You’ll probably never know. Hope you find it easy to move on from him.

category12 · 10/01/2020 06:11

He might have thought "eating disorder" and baled because of that.

But who knows. Better to meet quickly than invest too much time in messaging.

Miniloso · 10/01/2020 06:14

OP must be in the USA.

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/01/2020 06:35

Attraction isn’t just based on size, it’s based on body type and lifestyle too. My sister is a natural size zero but fairly soft and curvaceous, never watches what she eats etc. My cousin is also a size zero but it isn’t natural - she has rock hard muscles, is a committed runner / climber and has a strict fitness regime that she enjoys sticking to. When we were all single, while the same size and same colouring, they looked very different and attracted (and were attracted to) very different types of men. You were very unreasonable to use out of date photos - the initial stages of OLD is based on trust. So if you lied already he was right to delete your details in favour of someone elseZ

loserssaywhat · 10/01/2020 07:01

I dunno tbh, if it was me and someone was banging on about gaining 2 stone and theyre a size 6 I'd probably think they were shallow and perhaps a little obsessed with their appearance and weight.
Did you talk about it a lot?
If it was just a one off, throw away comment and he's bailed then yea he's no great loss.

Tigger001 · 10/01/2020 07:02

He maybe thought you were image obsessed to be mentioning it, I would be put off if someone was telling me their trouser/shirt size.

But he is also entitled to his "tyoe" and what he is attracted to. On line dating by it's very nature based on the physical attraction of the other person mostly isnt it.

Original poster
Phoenixxx · 10/01/2020 07:03

Where does it say I have used out of date photos 🙄
It came up in the conversation, I didn't just randomly blurt it out, i'm not too bothered about it so I was saying it in a jokey way.
To a PP I don't think saying you have gained weight necessarily means you are 'not comfortable'. You could be happy to have gained it.
I used to be a 4 with very little muscle, BMI classed me as underweight but I wasn't dangerously thin.
I've gained a lot of muscle since but also a bit of fat on my belly which is hard to shift, but still look very slim just not skinny.

OP posts:
Original poster
Phoenixxx · 10/01/2020 07:04

Also I didn't tell him my clothes size and I haven't 'banged on about it' by mentioning it just once.

OP posts:
kateandme · 10/01/2020 07:29

i wouldnt say its fat youve gained at size 6.id say its much needed flesh.

PhoneLock · 10/01/2020 07:52

I'd guess that it is the admission that you've used old pics has sew the seeds of doubt in his mind. Possibly, it could be that he is worried that you have a history of ED and he doesn't want that in his life.

I'm guessing that you are in the UK as you have said stone, not pounds.

chamenanged · 10/01/2020 07:59

I'd find it a needy thing to say to a potential date, especially if you said it 'in a jokey way'.

Original poster
Phoenixxx · 10/01/2020 08:02

I haven't used old pictures !! Didnt say that anywhere. Anyway I guess I won't mention it ever again to any potential date

OP posts:
Original poster
Phoenixxx · 10/01/2020 08:02

How is it needy ?

OP posts:
SirChing · 10/01/2020 08:04

Oh OP, some people are just really shallow fuckers. He has done you a favour by revealing this now instead of later. Can you imagine how he would have been about any body changes? He sounds like an awful person.

Could have been worse though. I slept with someone I had met through OLD and he decided we didn't have a spark AFTER he had shagged me! Bit bloody late then!

category12 · 10/01/2020 08:07

Possibly needy in the sense of fishing for compliments?

Don't the US use stone as well?

Are you talking US sizes, op?

Have you an eating disorder?

MandalaYogaTapestry · 10/01/2020 08:11

Judging by his extreme reaction, he probably had a negative experience before when a girl from OLD that presented as slim turned out to be overweight. So he wanted to avoid that without wasting any time (like meeting in person).

AFistfulofDolores1 · 10/01/2020 08:12

@Phoenixxx - Do you live in the US?

Owlsintowels · 10/01/2020 08:17

Why are PP on this thread so keen to tell OP she's a liar, to think etc?

Is it so hard to believe that just because you personally would be too think at a size 6 then noone else might have a different frame and carry the weight differently? I'm baffled by the rush to criticise Confused

PhoneLock · 10/01/2020 08:18

Don't the US use stone as well?

Not normally, although I suppose somebody who originated from the UK might.

SaucepanWater · 10/01/2020 08:19

OP I can’t believe people are asking if you have an eating disorder! Basically this guy has disappeared for an unknown reason. He may have thought you’re into fitness and in control of your weight and feels inferior because he’s not (I’ve met men like this! Very defensive about not wanting someone too in shape or invested in their own health, simply because they feel inferior and have admitted to that).

I haven’t read the whole thread sorry but if he’s not blocked you I would just ask him. If he has blocked you then you really need not waste any more time thinking about what someone thinks of you when you’ve never met.

Also people can come across very very nice online. It’s a good start but means nothing until you’ve got to know them. It’s easy to come across well in messages.