How do I ask my friend to stop flirting with my husband?

[CastaNettes]

My friend and I are complete opposites - she is feminine, always wearing makeup and always somewhat a bit of a damsel in distress.
I have noticed on several occasions that when she speaks to my husband, she seems to be switching on her little charms - her smile goes a bit wider and the look is sort of from under the brow and the voice goes softer and there is this giggle going on. you know what I mean.
She would never try anything more, I am sure of it and my husband is not the type to cheat. However, I’m beginning to get mildly annoyed with it. I have dismissed it on SO many occasions because I feel very safe in my relationship but it is getting a bit annoying now and it’s pointless so I think it’s time to ask her to stop messing around. Ideally, I’d like not to sound like a cow when I raise this with her. Her behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable in that it’s a bit pathetic now. I don’t know. Any advice would be highly appreciated.
Wanted to add that I told my husband what I thought was happening and the weirdest thing is, he had no comments or questions to add or anything, which I find strange. If you told your husband that you feel you know what your friend is doing because you notice her flirting with him, surely he’d have something to say?
Confusing situation.
Thank you for reading.

Don't trust either of them.
I did and I got hurt
Childhood best friend, godmother to each other's children, family time together all of what you describe and they had an affair.

Please don't listen to the usual rabble of men haters who are trying to blame your DH.
As long as he isn't overly flirting back than I think the issue is with your friend and you.
I mean what is he supposed to say- I think your friend is flirting with me? He would look a right idiot especially as you are there and seemingly OK with how she acts. Most men wont cant tell the difference with being friendly and flirting so unless it is totally obvious he will probably keep his mouth shut.
You may need to speak to your DH to tell him your'e uncomfortable, and see what his views are but the real issue is between you and your friend.

If you wanted to try bringing it up but being less direct you could try calling her out in other ways. So next time she does the flirty voice you could say "have you got a sore throat? Your voice sounds all weird" or "are you ok? You look like you're squinting at DH a bit" and make her feel a bit silly.

Hi OP

I'm not sure she is doing anything you can actually call her out on. If she actually said something flirty I think you could but what are you going to say - please dont giggle with my husband? Please stop smoking widely at him, use your slightly narrower smile? Why does your pitch get higher when you talk to my husband?

I'm not saying you dont have a point and it wouldnt piss me off, but when you get specific about what you want her to do then its difficult. Some people are naturally flirty and might not realise they are doing it or think its harmless. And if she always speaks to him in a higher pitched voice and is always giggly with him, I'm not sure what you expected him to say - how would he know what she is like when she is just with you and how she changes with him?

I think I'd just put a bit of distance between her and him if possible otherwise she will just deny and you will fall out or some across as jealous

I have a friend who does this, she goes too far and has said about shagging my DH. She pops round and says she is glad to have caught him in his pj's etc. He hates it. It makes him so uncomfortable and he now leaves the room as soon as she comes round!

Life is to short....just end the friendship tell her you have outgrown her and move on and don't look back....stand up for yourself and stop hiding grow a pair x

I think it will be hard to take up in a way that doesn’t make you sound odd. «Please don’t open your eyes so wide and smile so much around my husband». If it really bothers you, I think the only solution is less time around her.

Flirting is a fairly normal part of social interactions. It can be friendly, ironic, complimentary etc. It’s not all about sex or sexual intention. I don’t really understand why you have an issue with it if you’re not insecure.

Dump her. My mum was always like this with men (still is, a bit less so now she is in her 70s but it still rears its head occasionally). She is also not to be trusted with other women's husbands. It reminds me of Princess Diana, that coy flirty thing, and she would happily shag other women's husbands. Really distance yourself from this friendship, I warn you now.

It's your h that should say something.

He should ask her why she's looking at him like that or what's she laughing at when she does her tinkly laugh.

Those who put on the helpless female act really piss me off.

I think you should dump her - she is no friend to you or your marriage. And then I would be having some very serious words with ‘D’H.

@andannabegins 'friend' you say??

Friends do not get flirty with another friends husband! She is not your friend she is using you. How would she like it if you did it to her hisband. I would stay away from her and if your dh wants to see her dh invite him to your house. She has most definitely crossed the line of friendships. I am sure your dcs can find different children to be friends with. I would also tell them that so n sos mum gets a bit to friendly with your dad.

These people need to be ousted from your lives and you need to give your H a serious wobble. 'Friend', my arse.

Ugh, the old 'damsel in distress' act. All the women I've known personally who've had this trait, have been the worst sort of attention seekers and it's almost invariably aimed at men. It's maddening, and unfortunately lots of men fall over themselves to play the white knight to them.

You need to confront this OP. It doesn't look like your DH is going to.

I loathe broads like that! I am actually quite feminine but also very technically minded and do a lot of maintenance and renovation at our home and in our business premises. Some women would try to make me look all butch by doing the 'I am so ditzy and helpless, I need a big strong man to screw this bulb in for me' act around my DH. For years, I ignored this kind of behaviour but my DH is the first man, I allow myself to be vulnerable around and he's not there to be a shining knight in armour for other women. A former frenemy was constantly OTT tinkly giggling around him and made a point to paint me as really butch, going on about how she would never dream of installing a new cistern and toilet pan or lay a cement foundation. I was close to exploding and there was first signs of steam coming out of my ears. But DH told her that he found women who were clueless about practical stuff rather pathetic and there was nothing sexier than a hands-on woman like me. This comment goes a long, long way to excuse any times he is a bit of a git...

Maybe just directly but in a light hearted non confrontational way ask her if she fancies your DH. When she asks why or proclaims no, just say in a matter of fact way, because you've noticed she acts flirty with him. Then move to do something, put the kettle on etc and leave her to it for a minute.

I find the no comments stance from you h very odd. I would have a nosey in the phone if I were you.

Also agree with others that she's not your friend and your h should be shutting her down.

@grumple
Go your dh
What a star :)

@Robin2323 He really is but am not passing this on, as do not want him to get too smug...

Yeah I'd definitely shut that down,especially as shes quite pally with him already.We went on a night out with some couples,the men worked with dh and one of the girlfriends were giving dh attention.I subtly saw her off,I'm the jealous type and I wont put up with shit like that.

tell her to pack it in, but back right off from friendship anyway and stick her in the acquaintance pile. you’re not keen so no great hardship.

Ladies (and who knows, perhaps some gents in the mix here, one can never be sure). I appreciate every single comment by there are so many various suggestions in how to play this one. I am definitely definitely not going to suggest any meet ups where my OH is exposed to her charms in any way.

I have to be honest with y’all - I was at one point flirting with someone on Facebook. Nothing ever came out of it and I did it for a thrill but that’s not to say it was a great idea. So naturally we would gossip about it with my bestie. I have since moved on and have not flirted with anyone in THaT way in months and months. It gave me a confidence boost and I did tell my husband that I’ve been chatting to someone and that that someone sent me a (where is that dreaded aubergine emoji) anyway - a photo of their genitals. That’s when I wrapped up the whole thing. Before some of you get really critical of me, I have really REaLly moved on from that and have hopefully learnt my lesson (I guess it was my 7 year itch or something).
The reason I am telling you this is: whereas I was flirting with someone online and had no intention of actually doing anything physical, we shared our little dirty fantasies and I feel that maybe I’m a bit of a bitch for telling you all on here, but it’s not that we know one another in real life, so here goes: she told me that she fancies her OH’s best friend. That she flirts with him and I know that and I have seen that. Trouble is, I now see it happening in front of my nose every time my husband is around.
So perhaps I have been ok with the whole flirt thing because to someone extent, I am a flirt and it did bite me on my bum. In a weird way it sort of adds to me feeling safe but now it is kinda getting a bit ridiculous.

Anyway, what gives me peace that they are not shagging is that if she hasn’t shagged her husbands best friend by now, I feel my husband is pretty safe.

I probably should add more details, otherwise, let the criticism of my actions commence.
Gulp

That does change things for me a bit @CastaNettes and would explain why your DH didn't say anything when you broached it with him.

He chose to forgive you and you then accused him of doing the same.

If she's your best friend I think you can actually have that conversation.
"Remember when you told me you flirt with X, is it in the same way you flirt with DH? Should I be worried? "
I could definitely have that conversation with my best friend.

we shared our little dirty fantasies

Why not share those with your husband instead of someone on Facebook!!?

You've been complacent and now you feel threatened watching your own behaviour play out before your eyes.