Partner says the baby and I don't make him happy enough

[Moomin8]

I gave birth 3 weeks ago to a lovely little baby girl. To cut a long story short my partner of 2 years had a history of messing me about. When I got pregnant he seemed to step up and really take care of me for 9 months. He supported me in labour and was at the birth etc. Since the baby was born he seemed to really dote on her but then in the last few days said he feels stressed about having a newborn.

We don't live together so since she was born he's been staying with me.

This morning he woke up and announced 'I'm not cut out for this. Goodness knows how you do it, Moomin' I've been doing all the night feeds. However, he does have various health problems. Later today he said that he doesn't feel that the baby and I make him happy enough to have a life with us and that 'none of us know how long we've got left' I asked him to go because I didn't want to hear any more hurtful comments.

Next week he's going back to work. I just feel so sad and betrayed, this time on our daughters behalf more than mine.

I've not spoken to him since he went home. I feel very sad and numb.

Sounds like he's just getting used to the shock of having a newborn. I would remind him that he can't just drop his baby (metaphorically) on a whim, that ship sailed when he ejaculated over 9 months ago. He's a father now, he needs to quit whinging and step up.

Well cheerio then you absolute shithead!
Make sure you contact CMS and get him
paying maintenance!
Is he on the birth certificate? Does the baby have your surname?

Make sure the baby has your surname it will save you years of being referred to as mrs x

Personally I would let him go you can do this on your own get yourself a lot of friends online and irl remember self care is important treat yourself to freedom from him

Sadly he is on the bc and the baby has his name. Mainly because he wanted to do this.

Immaturity and selfishness. Thinks this is optional for him.

Hang on, so he's still on paternity leave for the rest of the week but won't be with you? If so I'd report him to his boss.

He's 50 and already has grown up children. I had told him I don't expect him to get up in the night etc. I do understand that at 50 baby care is harder than at 25. But the baby is very easy and only cries when hungry.

He's currently on paternity leave. He isn't great with the baby as he seems to think we can just wake her up to go somewhere he wants to go. He hasn't even texted to ask me to say goodnight to her for him.

Great! She has his name. So he has PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY legally.

Ask him for maintenance and when he would like his 50% custody to begin and youll drop DD round.

Obviously youll only partially be serious, but that is what he signed up for...

He’s pushing you to see what he can get away with, if it was me I’d want all or nothing, it’s not fair on the baby to have a dad who can’t be bothered.

As he’s not even living with you I wouldn’t have given her his surname but it’s too late now I suppose.

As a newborn she neither cares not notices who says goodnight..so long as someone is there to feed and care for her. So not texting goodnight is neither here nor there. Your newborn wong care. (You care but if he has checked out so be it...focus on you and baby)
Just carry on. Get him paying child maintenance. Get some other support in.

How old are you OP? He’s taking the piss and you know this. Why shouldn’t he get up in the night? There are plenty of parents that age that get up during the night. 50 year old doctors do night shifts! He’s taking the Mickey and he’s lazy and you’re letting him get away with it! Is he paying you maintenance?

What a child he is. Pitiful at the age of 50. Tell him he will need to meet his responsibilities, he doesn't just get to decide to be a deadbeat dad. Use that phrase, don't soften it.

Looks like you might have to step up and be DD's mummy and daddy....but hopefully he will come to his senses in time! Many men really do not like the baby stage and find it almost impossible to bond but as the child gets older the father (quite often) becomes very close to their child. 50 is a bit old to be a dad I must admit, a lot of people of that age start looking forward to having plenty of time for themselves not going back to changing nappies but he knew what to expect so he should have thought it through carefully.

He's 50! I thought he was about mid-twenties and couldn't cope. What a waste of space he is.

He’s FIFTY!!??
FFS!

Sent too soon....I thought he was a teenager or a young thing!

He’s 50!! Bloody hell. What an arse hole.

Sadly he is on the bc and the baby has his name. Mainly because he wanted to do this.

FFS why do unmarried women do this ?!

Well cheerio then you absolute shithead!
Make sure you contact CMS and get him
paying maintenance!

This.....

I'm stunned he's 50... and behaving like a clueless idiot... take care OP.

Child maintenance and prepare to br parenting on your own.

Can you not change name on the bc as long as they are under one?

Oh my God. Seriously? Seriously???
50. Doesn’t even live with you and he can’t hack the minuscule amount of responsibility on his plate. Cry me a river.
I had one of these. Though he was 31 and I thought that was bad. Anyway, the long and short of it is, I ended up celebrating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and got cards for both (I really did ).
You didn’t give birth to twins, so ditch the overgrown crybaby.

It is not up to you or a tiny baby to 'make him happy'. That's a lot of pressure on you and your little one, isn't it?

It's time for some tough love, Moomin.

He doesn't get to decide that it's not going to suit him. That's not how fatherhood works. Get angry on behalf of that beautiful little girl in your arms whose father is essentially saying 'I'm too old, lazy and selfish to make enough effort for my own daughter."

He doesn't have to stay with you (he sounds like a flakey piece of shit that you should bin anyway) but I think you should do everything you can to force him to step up and be a father. He seems like the type of selfish bastard that will try to get away with doing as little as possible. He's seeing how far you'll capitulate - I bet he's waiting for you to offer to take on even more of the work. Hopefully he will wind his neck in when you stand firm.

In the nicest possible way, you have to fight for you AND her now - even if you are willing to accept it, expect better for her.

Good luck x

I'm 39. I have older children too who have been a damned sight more helpful than he has.

The only reason baby has his name is that I have a foreign surname which we all get fed up with spelling over and over. I'm quite able to look after her by myself but I can't believe how selfish he is.

• "the baby and I don't make him happy enough" - well tough shit mate - neither are there for the purpose of making you happy. This is pitiful - it really is.

I would take steps to find out if you can have the baby in your surname - there must be some way of doing this.

I am sorry that he has turned out to be so pathetic - not what you need 3 weeks after giving birth.

He said 'if the situation was right then I would feel ecstatic but I don't' and he thinks that's a reason to just check out.