HELP I don't know if I'm completely out of order or it's both of us?

[namechange4eva]

Fell out with DP. I was in the wrong. I've apologised. As per usual whenever I do apologise he just made catty comments and is staying at his parents tonight because he 'can't bear to look at me never mind be in the same house'.

He apologises I forgive him. I understand I was wrong but we have children and I don't think it's right he just ups and leaves because he's annoyed at me. I don;t leave (not that I could). He says I never take any responsibility for my actions...surely apologising is doing that? I am wracking my brain to think how him apologising is taking responsibility but me doing the same is not? Fair enough, I didn't give him a big spiel but I felt if I said anything other than 'I'm sorry' it would seem I was minimising or making excuses (the reason isn't important, it's literally any time I apologise for anything).

I 100% take responsibility for this fall out, but now I'm so mad he is doing this. Someone please ground me, give me a shake.

Depends what the falling out was?

He walks out on you all on a regular basis?

Hard to give an opinion, depends what you did

He sounds a bit of a dick. What did you do in the first place?

I think you need to sat what the argument was about and how you were wrong. And well how many times, you're ehrm, wrong..

I don't know, saying sorry doesn't make everything ok, so depends what it was you fell out over?

Regular bad behaviour makes apologies hollow eventually.

It was an argument but I said things that were out of line (was a bitch basically). It has happened on occasion from both sides (long terms partners) but the making up is different depending on who is 'at fault'.

He used to do it semi regularly but not for the past year. It's now happened twice in 2 weeks and I feel like ending it. I can't just up and leave our children. I feel severely punished if I apologise instead of just trying to work through it. I don't even know why I posted, I suppose I want to get my thoughts together. You think things are great then, boom, questioning everything. I am so upset. I used to beat myself up so badly and now I'm not sure whether I've went the complete other way and now blaming him for my faults.

Sorry, I know that probably doesn't make much sense. Just fed up.

It depends what you did - sometimes an apology isnt enough and it is unreasonable to expect him to move on just because you feel the argument is dealt with.

I think him leaving to cool off is fair enough if he is really upset. However of he does this regularly about very minor things then he could be controlling you by making you scared to step out of line in case he leaves.

Nothing like that. Basically had a go at him and called him a selfish dick because he doesn't care if I'm upset and I was sick of his attitude. Not nice and I would understand if he was always nice but he's not. I'd say we were 50/50 in general. It's the leaving I struggle with, have to make up a story to tell the kids.

I don't think anyone can actually help unless you tell us what you actually did and what your 'apology' was?!

Totally depends on what the falling out was about really. Otherwise it's impossible to know if he's overreacting or not.

Ok, stop playing the martyr, what was the argument about and what exactly did you say that was out of line. If this is the second time in two weeks you've done in, then, as a pp said, sorry doesn't just make it go away, and as you said sorry last week, and did it again this week, then it looks like it wasn't a genuine sorry.

Hmm. That does sound more like him being a dick. Does he talk about it when he comes back or do you just have to move on?

Also wanted to add, if he'd said 'I'm really upset about this, I need space' I would have said ok. We hadn't been able to talk properly as he was at work, I wasn't brushing it under the carpet but had apologised.

I mean it's the second time in 2 weeks he's left for the night, first time was down to him. He apologised and I moved on.

He sounds incredibly childish and spiteful.

You were right to call him a selfish dick - I wouldn't be apologising for that.

It's still really hard to understand op. Why were you arguing with him at work, what's wrong with his attitude, why did you call him a selfish dick?

IMO, regardless of the falling out/apologising situation I would not stand for him walking out and leaving you with the children. DH tried it once when we first moved in together and I made it very clear that if he walked out he would never walk back in. Arguements need to be sorted out, running away is unacceptable even more when kids are involved.

He needs to grow up. Regardless of what the argument was about to run off to his parents when you have children and he has responsibilities would be enough to end it for me. How childish.

Sorry I meant I apologised when he was at work today, went to bed without talking last night and he was away by the time I woke.

This is why I know I was wrong, I was upset about something unrelated to him and just snapped because A. I was in a bad mood (not his fault) and B. I feel unsupported unless it's anything that affects him.

I just don't understand the leaving when the kids notice. It's as if I've physically attacked him. I feel it's disproportionate and I suppose I feel its unfair because I deal with things differently when the shoe is on the other foot.

Thank you for the replies, I realise now that possibly he really does feel strongly about this (not the first time I've questioned his support so when I look at it that way he probably thinks I am just having a go about the same thing),

I still, however, don't agree with the leaving. Anything pre-planned is out the window as he has the car for work so I;m stuck.

Regardless of the argument uping and leaving is an over reaction especially when he has children. Very childish.

Thanks toomuch and fuckknows. That's what I feel but I know it's not exactly nice having someone losing it with you out the blue. Well. it was out the blue to him, Although he did come home in a stinker of a mood yesterday.

I just don't know if I can carry on if it';s going to be back to leaving again as soon as there's any sort of issue.

not the first time I've questioned his support so when I look at it that way he probably thinks I am just having a go about the same thing

Has he done anything to change his behaviour, though?

He shouldn't have walked out over a few nasty words, that's a gross overreaction. You've apologised and, presumably explained, sorry you took it out on him, etc; these things happen and genuine apologies usually accepted.

Please tell him he is unfair to storm out - I'm surprised his parents don't send him straight home to sort it out! I would in their position or mediate in some way.

However it is known that some people are glad of a row as an excuse to go off in a huff to do something else....