Reported DM to DVLA..... was I wrong?

[Shesalittlemadam]

Hi please be kind! I didn't do this to be malicious. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not sure...

My DM has had Cornea Transplants on each eye due to a Dystrophy she has. This has vastly improved her vision and after a suitable number of months, she was given the go ahead to continue driving.

She's a fab driver. Used to race in the 60s and knows her way round an engine even! (Not that they are required to be one of course)
In my 36 years I've never known her to have so much as a single bump and only 2 speeding tickets. If no claims bonuses exceeded 15 yrs, then she'd have about 36 to maybe 40+ years!
So yeah, for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

However,

The one issue she does have, is that when driving at night, she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night. Great. Although if she needs to drive then she will do.
This is what worries me. I've tried talking to her calmly & in a friendly way about not driving after sunset (or on dark days) AT ALL and well, it did not go down well....

So I checked the DVLA website and sure enough, although they are aware of her eye condition, it does say that you must inform them if you suffer from 'Night Blindness' at all.
I asked her if she had and of course, no she hadn't. I got a huge mouthful for even asking...!

Cue more worrying and reading of a horror story article and I submitted a report to the DVLA.....

Today she got the letter and understandably, has Hit. The. Roof!!!! Had a huge go at me about how I've tried to ruin her life and destroy her independence and quite understandably, wont listen to my reasons for doing it. She now is no longer speaking to me. Which I get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now I'm wondering if what she said she struggled with "glare from lights" is actually the same thing as 'Night blindness??'

I just worry so much that she's going to kill herself or someone else and/or spend the rest of her life in prison 😳

Did I do the right thing??? 😢

Please don't be too harsh, I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!

Thanks

I wouldn't be talking to you either.

The OP hasn't done this out of spite and has already stated that her mother did not inform DVLA of change in eyesight

What changes in eyesight did she not inform the DVLA of? They signed her off as fine to drive after her op in 2003

And since then there have been no changes apart from what half the population have to put up with... night glare from headlights

I suffer with glare from lights too. Better since I got new glasses but I hate driving at night. I’m not unfit to drive though so please don’t report me!

Reporting your DM to the DVLA (for something she hasn’t got) is awful.

Clearly DVLA thinks you did the right thing. Don't know why you're asking a bunch of randoms off the internet for their approval.

I'm sure you're feeling crap enough already....perhaps a better option would have been to make your DM promise faithfully that she wouldn't drive at night and that if you found out she had broken that promise then you would seriously consider consulting the DVLA...hindsight is a great thing!! Its done now, just hope time can heal this rift

Some people really need to stop being so gullible and read the horrible abuse the OP dished out to people on here. I haven't seen a more hateful, nasty, abusive and spiteful OP on here. She didn't do anything out of 'concern' for her mother. Can I offer you a bridge and all? Her 'drip feed' when she was told how nasty and spiteful she is was all about saving face and trying to look good. All while abusing people and calling them names, as well as mocking them. You came late to the party, @MyKingdomForBrie the worst was deleted. You weren't here when the thread really got started, you have no idea at all what the OP said. If you didn't you wouldn't defend her.

Wow that was an incredibly harsh move on your DM!
I struggle with the glare of lights at night and have no vision problems.
What if she can never drive again?
I would struggle to ever forgive you for doing that to me. It really does t seem like there was genuine concern of safety.

How did your DM know it was you that reported her? Did the DVLA tell her?

she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night

So she doesn’t drive at night and you reported her for what exactly?

I really don’t understand

Given she wasn’t driving at night anyway who were you supposedly protecting

Now she has to jump through hoops to retain some freedom

If my Dd did this to me I actually don’t think I could talk to her freely ever again because I would be concerned any off the cuff remark could be used against me.

I think the only thing you have done is put a wall up between you and your mother and I really feel sorry for you.

Do you have a control problem and wanted to put your mother in a position that she was reliant on you.

I'm out, can't be doing with pathetic school bullies piling on with nothing better to do

The irony

.perhaps a better option would have been to make your DM promise faithfully that she wouldn't drive at night and that if you found out she had broken that promise then you would seriously consider consulting the DVLA...hindsight is a great thing!! Its done now, just hope time can heal this rift

Why should her mum.have done this? She is the same as most of us and doesnt like the glare of over bright lights at night. Should we all stop.driving?

Her mum does not have night blindness no.need to stop at all.

I would only report if I had all the facts and the driving was dangerous...I almost reported my friends father as he would drive wrong way around roundabouts and all over the road...a few months later he gave up driving but I think I would have reported him if he hadn't...he was dangerous.

Clearly DVLA thinks you did the right thing
Yes because the lied about her mother having a medical condition she doesn't have! Now they have to investigate a lie.

I absolutely hate careless drivers. The OP hasn't done this out of spite and has already stated that her mother did not inform DVLA of change in eyesight

Op says in her first post that DVLA are aware of her Dms eye condition.
It's got nothing to.do with her eye problem which was corrected by surgery years ago. OP made a huge keep after reading something on DVLA site and decided her DM must have that too.

I think this was really mean of you. Do you have any idea how incompetent and bureaucratic the DVLA are? They left me without a licence for almost a year AFTER my doctor certified me fit to drive. They only sent me the licence after I got my MP involved.

Think you messed up here, many many people have issues with bright lights on car coming towards them nowadays. It's v different to night blindness.

Where I live in the UK your licence is renewed every 10 years until the age of 70. You will be sent a form to complete and return with a photograph. There is a section for medical conditions to complete. If you renew your licence at say 63 your new licence will then expire at 70 and not 73. After 70 it is every 3 years. My elderly mum has recently stopped driving without any prompting on my part though she only drove around the town the last few years. I can understand reporting someone who you know has a specific and also diagnosed condition but to jump to the conclusion of night blindness without a diagnosis from a doctor or ophthalmologist and then report is extremely underhand and no wonder your mother was angry. I would be spitting feathers if that happened to me.

Her own DR has said she was fit to drive but you still took it upon yourself to report her? I would be angry too.

Hi
I don’t think you should have done this, however I believe your intentions were for the best and no malice intended, however if your mum was fit to drive by dr/optician then she should be allowed to continue to do so.
It may be helpful if you assist your DM with getting her license reinstated, reassure her you were only concerned for her (&others) safety. Loosing your independence can lead to isolation and lack of self confidence which can adversely affect quality of life.
Good luck to both of you xx

If you take emotion and relationships out of the situation then yes you could say you have done the right thing. If she had had an accident any policeman or judge would say you did the right thing.

But, you have handled it badly. So you have now damaged your relationship. You went for the quick, blunt option but you probably should have accepted that she needed to come to this decision with your slow and gentle persuasion. I suspect you are blunt by nature and a bit rash. Most times you can get away with that way of operating. This time it was never going to work.

Well I have to say that this is one of the very few things I’m glad about m, about when my mum died last year. Siblings and I were having convos about exactly this and how or if to speak to her about stopping driving and if she resisted what we would do then. It’s tough. I just thank god we didn’t have to go through that and that she didn’t.
FWIW I think you should have sat down and had a proper conversation with her (not sure from post that you did). You still now don’t know what she means and whether it amounts to dvla ‘night blindness’ so for that reason I do think yabu.
Hell, I’m in my 50s and find night glare more noticeable.

If you take emotion and relationships out of the situation then yes you could say you have done the right thing. If she had had an accident any policeman or judge would say you did the right thing

How?

The op says her mother is a good driver. The only thing she has issues with was the glare from headlamps at night and the mother didn’t drive at night.
So where is the accident prevention

Unless you think everyone should lose their licence at 70